You know those idiots who don't know anything about politics but think it sounds smart to say "I am a social liberal and an economic conservative?" Bloomberg is the candidate for them, if they love a liberal nanny state and a conservative religious fervor for the eternal goodness of private enterprise.

For all the talk of Bloomberg the power-player who at least gets things done without worrying about the unions and special interests, he's been unable to win any political battle with anyone he couldn't literally buy off. Like Sheldon Silver, who (thankfully) killed the West Side Stadium and (annoyingly) ended all that "Congestion Pricing" talk. And those unions and special interests were just bought off, which worked fine back when the boom whose end Bloomberg never saw coming was in full swing.

And about that stadium: what the fuck was that? And the Olympics thing? After bitching about Giuliani's disgraceful subsidizing of the fucking Yankees, Bloomberg both turns around completely on that particular issue and attempts to build the fucking Jets a stadium, so that New York could get an Olympics that it did not want. And that failed, and everyone forgot about it. Meanwhile: 40,000 people in shelters! Bloomberg could personally buy every single one of those people an apartment in a vacant Williamsburg luxury condo building and still have enough left over to bribe a City Council member into supporting his fifth term.

And those luxury Williamsbug condo buildings, by the way, that stand vacant? Yes, well, that was part of this brilliant plan to utilize rezoning to spur the free market (which always allocates resources more efficiently than anything else in the history of civilization but sometimes it needs government help, like with tax breaks and stuff) to create affordable housing all over the waterfront. This did not work, as developers decided to just not bother to build all those affordable housing units they were supposed to build. More than 2,200 promised new affordable apartments in Williamsburg and Greenpoint have turned out to be 768, 20 percent of which are renovations of apartments that were already affordable. There are lots more of these stories.

His record on housing, like his record on nearly everything having to do with the outer boroughs and poverty and human beings who make less than $100,000 a year, has been a ridiculous disgrace. His entire philosophy of development solving everything turned out to be precisely, 100% wrong, and suddenly the city itself was driving the real estate boom, driving up land prices to absurd levels across the boroughs and tearing down neighborhoods only to replace them with vacant lots and half-filled cheaply built hideous high-rises once the bottom fell out of the City Hall-inflated market. But hey, we got the High Line and 311! So you can sleep in that fancy park while you call 311 asking if there is room in a shelter because you can no longer afford your home.

Eight years into the Bloomberg administration, Ground Zero is a still a hole that everyone continues fighting about.

The MTA has raised fares while cutting service (without actually cutting service, officially—it's just that whatever line you happen to ride is suddenly experiencing a whole lot of track work every single goddamn weekend).

The Gays: still not married! And also a lot of them are getting beaten up on the streets these days for some reason?

Bloomberg is also the beneficiary of the most friendly news coverage of any big city mayor in the nation. Easily. It helps that, you know, he is a media mogul, himself, and he is good, close, personal friends with the three publishers who run the newspapers that went after each one of his predecessors for shit they've let slide under this mayor, because they know he's a good, decent guy, at heart, and the only one who can Fix New York, because of his Money.

Can you imagine how the Post would've blown up if David Dinkins lied about taking the Subway to work every day? The Daily News response to discovering that John Lindsay flew to Bermuda every weekend?

Let's talk about the cops, for a second: they are still operating under Giuliani levels of complete disregard for the law. They are getting drunk and running people over and shooting unarmed black people and sodomizing people in subway stations. The Civilian Complaint Review Board has become a joke, unless your case gets a lot of publicity. There's obviously no accountability, whatsoever, and no attempt to recruit and train more cops from the communities they actually police. The NYPD remains, primarily, the home of roided-out white people from outside the city with a great deal of contempt for civil liberties. The Mayor always sounds properly upset when some of them rape someone, but he's never done a damn thing to rein them in or change the culture.

What he has done is Keep Us Safe by never once giving a shit about Civil Liberties. The cops stop and frisk thousands more people every year, your 4th Amendment rights do not apply in the Subway system, and expensive and completely ineffective new rings of cameras are going up across Manhattan.

Bloomberg deserves to be run out of town on an inadequately funded public rail line for the 2004 GOP convention alone. Remember that ridiculous farce? No, of course not, no one does, besides the thousands of people improperly spied on, arrested, harassed, and detained by the NYPD. All of this was completely illegal. No heads rolled.

One more special bonus factoid: New York leads the world in marijuana arrests! Specifically, marijuana arrests of black people!

And he is personally a jerk. He is a thin-skinned, unpleasant, sanctimonious asshole. His company is being sued for a culture of sexual discrimination that plaintiffs say Bloomberg himself contributed to. He is a tremendous dick to reporters whenever he gets cranky. He is fucking race-baiting with Rudy Giuliani again, because why not?

He has been a shitty mayor and he does not deserve the support of anyone who claims to be a liberal. Though what all of his most destructive missteps as mayor have in common is that they do not in any way upset or inconvenience the well-off self-professed liberals who support him. Besides maybe a couple Critical Mass riders arrested in illegal sweeps. (Though he sure does like bike lanes, so it's a wash, right?)

We cannot encourage you to vote for the Democrat in the race, because even we still aren't sure if we'll go for him or the much more delightful Billy Talen. Just don't fucking vote for Michael Bloomberg.

USA Today and the WSJ are both making claims that they're now the biggest circulation paper in America. The official numbers will be released Oct. 26. Then we'll know who's really the biggest paper in America, which is a dubious distinction that nobody in their right mind would want.


More sifting through the soup bones of dead Gourmet magazine! Nat Ives says that Conde Nast could have maybe saved the magazine (or at least let it hang on longer) if it had treated it as more of a brand, and squeezed more money out of things like licensing, digital, and other newfangled non-magazine things. But Si Newhouse is too pure! Now it's dead. License everything, Si!


The Atlanta Journal-Constitution will no longer be endorsing political candidates, because they finally realized that nobody cares what newspaper editorial boards think any more. Good for them. Leave the useless opinionmongering to faceless bloggers, please.


But here's a jazzier little quirky newspaper story! A guy who used to be the DC correspondent for the Rocky Mountain News went and bought himself a tiny newspaper in tiny Guadalupe County, NM. And he's even making a go of it, so far! And he's "A vegetarian teetotaler who tries not to wear leather - he favors old-fashioned canvas basketball shoes - he also fights his weight and smokes." HERO.

It has been a depressing primary season, full of uninspiring hacks! Many candidates are people who thought they would be term limited out of their city council jobs, and then they were not, but it was too late to not run for whatever they decided to run for. The Democrats basically conceded the Mayoral race, even though this is basically a wonderful time to be running against an out-of-touch billionaire. (Sigh.) So we understand that it is not very exciting, but you should still probably go to your local middle school or whatever and vote. Because if you don't, Liberty will disappear! Check out this awesome animated gif from the Board of Elections website!

As for who to vote for? Christ, who knows.

Comptroller

This is a very important job! This person takes care of the city budget. The Working Families Party has endorsed John Liu, who seems fine, whatever, but he said he worked in a sweatshop when he was a child and that turned out to be made-up, and who the fuck makes that up?

New York Tumblrers have endorsed Melinda Katz, who has the best commercials, but she has taken more money from scumbag developers than anyone else, and that is lame. Also she was a Clinton delegate but she claimed she voted for Obama in the primaries until someone was like "what?" and she was like "nevermind." WTF, Melinda?

The Times endorsed David Yassky. He is the only candidate from Brooklyn and not Queens! He has complained about the G train! But RFK Jr. and Chuck Schumer also endorsed him, for what that is worth.

So, hell, this one's up to you.

Public Advocate

This is like the shadow-mayor, or something. This person's job is to annoy Michael Bloomberg—and on that count, Betsy Gotbaum has been a failure. So there is Mark Green, who was very good at bothering Giuliani, but he has just been hanging out on TV doing nothing ever since he was not allowed to be Mayor, before 9/11. There is Bill de Blasio, who won the Times endorsement. But is he too close to corrupt unions? And the Working Families Party, which is having some issues with their accounting, at the moment? There is Eric Gioia, who is some punk kid. How about Normal Siegel? He is the former head of the New York Civil Liberties Union and he is basically a pretty good guy. He receives the coveted Gawker Endorsement.

Manhattan District Attorney

Billion-year-old zombie DA Robert Morgenthau decided Cy Vance Jr. should be the next Manhattan DA, and that is a good reason not to support Cy Vance Jr. Leslie Crocker Snyder has always been a little too zealously "lock 'em all up" for our bleeding heart, and she used to enjoy killing people a little too much. Richard Aborn, the third candidate, will not win. In this race, Gawker endorses moving to Brooklyn.

City Council

Just indiscriminately vote against any and all incumbents.

If you live in City Council Distict 33, why not vote for Steve Levin? When he attended Brown, he played drums with MGMT! How awesome is that! (Or vote for Evan Thies who is less entangled in the filthy DEMOCRATIC MACHINE.)

Spitzer's rehabilitation into public life has aligned cosmically with the economic collapse: He first dipped his toe into the waters with a Washington Post op-ed last November that leveraged his reputation as the deposed "Sheriff of Wall Street" to urge Obama to impose tough regulation over the banking sector, and he launched a column at Slate a month later. His first television interview after leaving office was cunningly—or perhaps just fortunately—scheduled for a week last March when the furor over bonuses to AIG executives was at its most intense.

Since then, Spitzer has worked himself into semi-regular rotation on MSNBC and the network morning news shows as a stern voice of populism when it comes to the bailout of the financial industry. His tarnished past has in some ways enhanced his credibility—he's a damaged man who has been through the crucible and who can, by virtue of his having lost everything, only now afford to speak the complete truth. And speak he has: Last week, his scathing indictment of Goldman Sachs and the New York Fed on MSNBC made the blog rounds, largely because he is the most prominent and knowledgeable public figure who has been willing so far to state the obvious fact that the AIG bailout was a "Ponzi scheme" and an "inside job" designed to benefit Goldman and other banks without forcing them to surrender equity stakes to the American taxpayer.

The positive reaction to Spitzer's eagerness to take on Goldman—whom he had previously prosecuted, along with a bevy of other investment banks, as attorney general—points to a way forward for him. He's got his villain. The emerging resentment of Goldman as the bete noir of the banking crisis has largely coalesced thus far around Matt Taibbi, the author of a Rolling Stone takedown of the firm that gained widespread attention but has been criticized for, among other things, trafficking in anti-Semitic tropes. Taibbi is an entertaining writer and reporter, but he's just reporter. Spitzer's embrace of the anti-Goldman banner lends the cause a legitimacy that elevates it beyond conspiracy-mongering, and lends Spitzer something with which to identify himself beyond his love of hookers.

So what next? Spitzer should refashion himself as a shadow prosecutor, or shadow inspector general—he should be to Goldman Sachs what Ralph Nader was to General Motors. (Goldman isn't the only bank that profited wrongly from the AIG bailout, but it stands as a clear and handy surrogate for a vast and difficult-to-comprehend industry; Nader's auto-safety campaign focused on GM's Corvair, but all cars now have seatbelts.) The New York Post has reported that Spitzer is planning a run to retake his post as New York's attorney general, a fantastically stupid move that displays the same sort of hubris that it takes to engage the services of a high-end prostitution ring while you're a sitting governor.

We hope he's learned something from his trials and stays in the private sector—he should launch a nonprofit focused on monitoring the bailout along the lines of CREW or any of Nader's organizations and apply his prosecutorial gifts to civil litigation in the public interest, aimed at getting documentary evidence through the discovery process of how banks like Goldman gamed the system and harvested our money into profits. It'd be the best way he can do penance for his misdeeds and satisfy his own desire for glory and attention.

Not only is he starring in a new Subway TV ad—the first since his little controversy (smoking of drugs illegally and saddening children)—but he's once again plastered all over Subway's website (they never technically dropped him as an endorser, they just hid him in a secret "stash box," in the closet).

There he is, right on the website, telling children how to get "Fresh Toasted." If we make any more weed jokes we will probably puke, right on the floor here, but feel free to browse around the site and make your own. "Phelps Phlavor"? Ha right he likes the different flavors of marijuana to smoke on, I bet! Those colors behind him in that photo probably drove him loony when he was high on the marijuana, I bet!

Going to throw up now. Eat Subway, ladies and gentlemen.

The ruckus has been stirred up by a sudden rise in the number of people who list themselves as fans of "Julia Allison" on Facebook. Allison has confessed to what happened: After Allison had a meeting with Randi Zuckerberg, the sister of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg who is now actively promoting the site's celebrity pages, Facebook listed Allison's page on a list of suggested pages for new users.

That accounted for most of the jump. But Allison also admitted that she had Facebook "convert" 2,500 people who had requested her friendship on Facebook into fans. That's where she got herself in trouble.

Allison declared herself a "brilliant businesswoman" after her egoblogging startup, NonSociety, cleared five figures last year. She hopes to make more by accumulating a fan base and then shamelessly marketing products to them. In theory, she ought to be familiar with the strict laws around endorsements.

New York, California, and a number of other states have strict laws regulating what's called "commercial appropriation" — simply put, the right to control whether one's name and likeness is used in an advertisement to give the appearance of an endorsement.

Legal pundits have long been alarmed by the way Facebook skirts these rules. When users sign up to be fans of a product or celebrity on the site, the privacy argument goes, they didn't necessarily consent to broadcast that fact to all their friends in a way that's similar to an advertisement. Daniel Solove, a law professor has called this feature of Facebook a "privacy debacle" and argued that simply expressing appreciation for a product or person wasn't the same as signing up to appear in ads. But at least this involves users who willingly signed up to be fans. What of people who found themselves yoked into fandom without giving any kind of consent at all?

That's what happened to 2,500 users who aimed to be friends with Allison, but instead ended up in ads for her described as "fans." Facebook can't fall back on its old defense that they volunteered for the endorsement. They could well file a class-action lawsuit against Allison and Facebook. Nothing in Facebook's terms of service seems to cover such a conversion, which Allison now admits Facebook did as a favor for her.

There may be no separation in Allison's mind between friendship and a commercial relationship, no line between the self and the product. But there is a distinction in the law.

The back story on the friendship between Allison and Randi Zuckerberg: At the SXSW Interactive conference in 2007, Allison had posed next to Mark Zuckerberg at a party. Lest a photo of Allison and Mark start circulating, Randi dived into the shot, sticking out her tongue. When Allison and Randi met later, Randi apologized for judging Allison, and they became fast friends. Allison went to Randi's bachelorette party, they appeared in music videos together and threw a joint, bicoastal birthday party.

The lesson here: Sometimes first judgments are right. And sometimes guilt can be a dangerous thing.

(Photo via Guest of a Guest)

Hey, all publicity is good publicity—whether from an athlete, movie star, or from one of the world's most notorious monsters, who enslaved, raped, and impregnated his own daughter in a cellar for a quarter century. [This is translated by Google, but you get the gist]:

"Any free advertising is included, especially given the global interest in this process," says Martine Poppe, Head of Customer Services of the Belgian manufacturer. "All of our brand, we prefer a more positive character related. But it is no different."

"But just our folder pops up during the process, it proves that we as a brand mean something," said Poppe in Het Nieuwsblad.

[Telegraaf; Pic via Reuters]

"Blah blah China China China (repeat 87 times) support love regret blah blah," says Phelps. His revenge: he is totally blazed out of his gourd in this video.

I asked Zaif about his gadget. His response was pretty much the same as everyone who owns an iPhone.

"I'm addicted," he said, "the internet is great on this, very fast."

He proceeded to show myself and our film crew his favourite websites. I half expected him to log on and show us 'Taliban Twitter'.

Just a year ago, the Taliban was threatening to blow up cell-phone towers if wireless operators didn't observe a curfew, ostensibly to prevent attacks by the American military. Which was a bit silly, since the U.S. Army has access to satellite phones. Of course, the Taliban didn't have a technophile like Zaif advising them back then. When the conservative religious movement ruled Afghanistan, it banned almost all modern technologies.

(Photo via Al Jazeera English)

Last month, White House spokeswoman Jen Psaki made polite noises about how the president's lawyers were looking into stopping people from hawking products using Obama's likeness. We guess they found a way: Department of Homeland Security sent a cease-and-desist order to Brooklyn's Sixpoint Craft Ales to stop the production of its Hop Obama beer, and threatened to seize the brewery. Owner Shane Welch told Eater that a "government representative" revoked his license to brew the beer.

It's by far the most aggressive action we've heard of Team Obama has taken to protect That One's holy brand — a tricky maneuver, since it requires balancing First Amendment rights to parody against laws governing the use of celebrity names in commercial products. Then again, First Lady Michelle Obama, whose fashion choices are getting aggressively merchandised everywhere from TV to Google, has already nixed toymaker Ty's plans to make Sasha and Malia dolls simply by making her displeasure known. Maybe the feds should put her in charge of crushing commercial dissent?

This kid is the face of hip hop and we salute him for his beef-starting. Ante up. [via Adrants]

Kellogg's Keebler Eleves, after all, "live together in a treehouse and do nothing all day but think of new things to put cheese on." (See clip above.)

The company already seems to regret slamming Phelps for his on-camera smoking, and is now claiming the toking had nothing to do with Kellogg's decision to let Phelps' endorsement deal expire.

Perhaps Kellogg's finally took a hard look at its own website, which illustrated all the munchies-relieving ways its products can be used:

Dessert Nachos  

Meyers wasn't kidding, this is an actual recipe from the Kellogg's site, involving flour tortillas and "Smart Start" cereal. We doubt stoners would bother with all the finely-sliced fresh fruit, particularly when they could just add extra chocolate chips.

Gold Medal Sundae

Rice Krispies treats + ice cream + "gold medal" reference = perfect post-pipe snack for an Olympic-medallion-dappled swimmer.

Gummy Worm S'mores

There's a certain lazy genius at work here.

Apple Jacks Ice Cream Balls

Pretty much what the name implies, plus caramel sauce. Fast, delicious, and requiring very little eye-hand coordination.

Rice Krispies Treats Drumsticks

This involves peanut butter, Rice Krispies treats and Cocoa Krispies. Bonus points: the recipe could be easily adapted to include an actual fried-chicken drumstick in the center.

Runners-up: Cheez-It Surprise Soup, Krispy Ham Roll-Ups

Full video: SNL

Subway, which initially said it would drop Phelps, is now sticking by him. Kellogg is not planning to renew Phelps's contract, but as stoners attempt to organize a Kellogg boycott (that should be entertaining to watch), Kellogg is now claiming it never said anything bad about Phelps. Oh? On Friday, spokeswoman Susanne Norwitz said:

Michael's most recent behavior is not consistent with the image of Kellogg. His contract expires at the end of February and we have made a decision not to extend his contract.

That's what Kellogg said to the press. But to pot smokers avid consumers outraged over Kellogg's decision? The apologetic emails tell another story:

Thank you for contacting us regarding Olympic swimmer, Michael Phelps and our decision not to extend his contract.

We regret that the intent of our message was not clear. The contract was set to expire the end of February and with Michael's obligations to us met, our decision not to extend the contract was for business reasons and in no way diminishes Michael's status as an athlete. We believe Michael has set a tremendous example through his work ethic and his accomplishments and are proud to have been associated with him.

The timing of this unfortunate incident and the end of the contract is purely coincidental. Again, thank you for the opportunity to share the facts of this situation.

Sincerely,

Kathi Eckler

Director, Consumer Affairs

Even the Associated Press isn't sure what to make of Phelps. Despite the photographic evidence of Phelps with a bong tightly pressed against its lips, the AP killed a story which mentioned Phelps as using marijuana. These notices are meant only to go to newsrooms, but Google News's AP-article posting algorithm has not been programmed to take that into account:

AP kills Phelps Kellogg story
1 day ago
EDITORS:
The Portland, Ore., story Phelps-Kellogg has been killed. Phelps has not acknowledged smoking marijuana or inhaling from a marijuana pipe.
A kill is mandatory.
Make certain the story is not published.
A substitute story will be filed shortly.

(Actual Phelps merman photo via Dudeflesh)

The sandwich chain is yanking Phelps off its website. He's no longer "buzzworthy," ironically. Current and cached screen grabs:

The company hasn't made any announcements yet, but according to Buzznewsroom:

However, in de-linking all references to Michael Phelps, this is Subway corporate as they prepare for dropping their sponsorship. Our insider told us Subway execs are pissed off, talking to legal, want their endorsement money returned - and to "get rid of this embarrassment."

Also ironic: Phelps signed on with Subway last November, partly to shake off the bad PR he got for signing up with McDonald's and Kellogg, which people said weren't healthy. (All those people were probably smoking weed). The deal was supposed to extend through 2012. But now it looks like that Jared-Phelps coalition will never come together.

Fools. Taco Bell is open later, anyhow.

Let us demonstrate just what Subway's missing out on (courtesy Gawker video artiste Richard Blakeley):

Update: Perhaps Subway has taken our advice. While Phelps still isn't listed as one of their "Buzzworthy" celebs (leaving whoever Ryan Howard is as their top spokesthlete) they issued this statement: "Like most Americans, and like Michael Phelps himself, we were disappointed in his behavior. Also like most Americans, we accept his apology. Moving forward, he remains in our plans." Feel free to use our redesigned page when you reinstate Phelps, Subway.

Granted, Phelps hasn't been the best spokesman for Kellogg. When CNN anchorhottie Anderson Cooper raided Phelps's pantry in the course of an interview, he found Honey Nut Cheerios, not Kellogg's Cornflakes. "Michael's most recent behavior is not consistent with the image of Kellogg," sniffed a Kellogg spokeswoman. "His contract expires at the end of February and we have made a decision not to extend his contract." Hello? This is the best possible recommendation one can make for breakfast cereal, the favored foodstuff of THC-induced munchies victims everywhere.

Update: Michael Phelps Suspended by USA Swimming, Loses Allowance

(Photoillustration by Jackson West)

Even the celebrities who do theoretically have a level of fame sufficiently high enough to provoke a large number of fans to buy their branded tennis skirts or perfume or t-shirts or other crap are seeing their projects fold. The smarter ones just do endorsements; for the greedy ones who couldn't do without their very own brand, business sucks right now. Thanks to the recession (they hope).

Even celeb lines that were selling well have been pummeled. Low-price retailer Steve and Barry's went bankrupt last November and will liquidate all 270 of its stores this year, leaving Sarah Jessica Parker's Bitten line of clothing — perceived to have been a hit — without a retail partner, at least for the foreseeable future. Other Steve and Barry's refugees include Amanda Bynes' Dear line, tennis star Venus Williams' Eleven and surfer Laird Hamilton's Wonderwall.

Not Sarah Jessica Parker's Bitten line of clothing! Daisy Fuentes is struggling, too! And LL Cool J's Sears line might even go out of business, now that it's, uh, done its job of saving the company. The only way to be successful now is to be smart. Rip people off:

Pop star Gwen Stefani's fragrance Harajuku Lovers is technically more expensive than her first top-tier scent, L, but is being sold in bottles five times smaller than the industry standard, and therefore at lower prices per unit. Harajuku Lovers, launched in September, quickly broke into the top 10 fragrances this holiday season.

Math! [Ad Age]

First of all, let's dispense with the idea that Phelps has like totally blown his reputation and his future and all his role model endorsement monies. You know who thinks that? People like Andrea Peyser, the New York Post's own daily beast, who rounds up some branding experts to say Phelps has destroyed himself with this wanton bong-hitting. But how many Speedos is Andrea Peyser buying? Not many!

In fact, we interpret this as Phelps' attempt to break out of the Nerdy Endorsement Trap that we warned him about. He's been off hanging with Jared from Subway, which does nothing for his coolness quotient. So he's trying to establish his rock star-ness. Grabbing strippers! Trashing hotel rooms! And now, partaking of the ganja, straight from the grave of Solomon.

Of course he's not successfully breaking away from his nerdery, because he is, deep down, a nerd. But he's giving it the old college try. And if he can at least somewhat separate himself from this dreary, totally undeserved "All American Boy" reputation, he would get in far less trouble for smoking weed, which every last American, including athletes, has done anyhow, except for a few dead-enders who you would not want to model yourself after.

Finally: this guy is a swimmer. Nobody pays attention to swimmers except for when the Olympics are on, and a brief period of hype directly before and after the Olympics. So, way to keep yourself in the news, Mike. Do whatever you want until six months before the next summer Olympics, then act moderately well-behaved. You'll be fine. Try not to be a dick.

Before he earned his eight gold medals and became a global celebrity at the Beijing Olympics, Mr. Phelps and three teammates agreed to endorse PureSport, a protein mix made by a tiny Austin, Texas, company that didn't exist three years ago...

The foursome, introduced to the company while training in Austin last year, took a 5% stake in exchange for their endorsements

So now, in exchange for 1.7% of nothing and all the sugar-and-whey mix he can guzzle, Michael Phelps is obliged to plaster his face all over this product's packaging, and be dragged around the country to various promo events seven days a year, where hopefully he at least gets mad chicks. [WSJ]