Gawker: enough

Suicide Threats Are Not an Appropriate Attention-Seeking Tactic

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 11:26:41 EDT

Yesterday we pointed out that a fella named Justin Massler had sent an apparently insane horse-themed letter to the New York Observer. Now Justin is acting even more apparently insane. We think it's just bad performance art!

Justin Massler is the self-appointed head of the Heroic Destiny Squad, and he also used to call himself "Cloud Starchaser" and be a self-appointed big nemesis of Tucker Max. He also likes to write about himself, on the internet.

So anyhow after our post yesterday he sent us a long, ostensibly wacky/crazy letter of complaint, and then, when that did not generate immediate publicity, sent us another email titles "You win, Gawker and The Observer. I'll kill myself." Also he put this sentiment on his brand new Twitter page.

We are about 93% sure that Justin is an attention-hungry kid with too much time on his hands, which, ironically, makes him similar to Tucker Max. Often, a period of confinement in a good psychiatric ward can do wonders for people voicing suicide threats. It's a cry for help. Anyone who knows Justin, maybe work on that now. In the off chance he's actually serious: Justin, it's not worth it. Nobody cares that much what we say about people. And we're not going to write about you any more no matter what you do, so your blaze of glory would be pretty muted. Go live your life and have a fun time! As should we all!
[Pic via]

Molester Santa Won't Go Away

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:10:19 EDT

The only question more confounding than "Why was this fake dick pill commercial starring grinning penis-flaunting Santa Claus made?" is "Why is it running now, in May?" It's always on.

Shocking Tom Ford Ads No Longer Shock

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:46:48 EDT

Tom Ford is using nudity in his advertising! Hard to believe, I know. Mr. Ford may be one of the world's most influential designers, but his latest ads have largely completed the evolution from provocative to simply boring. Which is a difficult stunt to pull off, considering the subject matter. But these three spots, starring Brazilian Alex Schultz, are so in-your-face that they lose the sense of allure which should, ideally, accompany any fashion ad—penis-showing or otherwise. Also hard to pull off when using naked people: making your target audience think about clothes. See the disconnect there? We're ready for the cultural needle to swing back towards fully clothed models, thank you. After the jump, the three ads—which are all, predictably, NSFW.

[Made in Brazil via Queerty]

'Worst Album Covers': Been Done, Thanks

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 30 May 2008 13:16:44 EDT

Here's an idea that was only clever the first 20 or 30 times someone did it: "The Worst Album Covers Of All Time." Ha, look at the ugly people! The first person who dug through crates and crates of old records to find the funniest 1973 dulcimer trio was a genius; pretty much everyone since is just a copycat. Blogger 33 1/3 points out that every freaking list like this just draws from the same pool of Google-able bad album covers already out there. Like AM NY and the South Florida Sun-Sentinel did this week. And the most popular bad album cover is a fake! A Photoshop joke! A years-old joke, which media outlets can't stop falling for. Like Very Short List, which marvels today, "Someone at VSL Headquarters was convinced that these were all elaborately executed jokes, fake records concocted the day before yesterday. But they are definitely real." No; here's the real version of "Can I Borrow A Feeling?":

It's by Kirk Van Houten, on The Simpsons. Listen to it here.

Can I borrow a feelin'? Could you send me a jar of love? Hurtin' hearts need some healin', Take my hand with your glove of love!

Moby Is Annoying Friend To Gay Community

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:06:12 EDT

Moby, the bald purveyor of computer music who is Amy Winehouse's anti-drug, will not stop speaking out on or against any and all things. Now, he is reassuring the gay community that, although he didn't have the luck to be born gay, he does hope that his kids will be [Advocate]. What does the hairless downtown master of background tunes like so much about the gays? "They have nice homes, bars, and restaurants." Ok then!

You've been such an ally to the gay community that you've taken some heat for it — like when you stated in an interview that gays were "superior to straight people." Do you stand by that?

Yeah, and I also said that if and when I ever have children, I want gay children, which didn't really endear me to the Christian right wing of America. There are a lot of people in the world who are virulently homophobic or misogynistic or anti-Semitic, and what baffles me is that if you just look at it empirically, gays, women, and Jews are certainly responsible for far fewer violent crimes than straight white guys. They've started fewer wars, and they tend to be well educated, fun to hang out with, and they have nice homes, bars, and restaurants.

....

You've described yourself as "neither straight nor gay." Do you consider yourself bisexual?

I just like to think of myself as being pretty open-minded. Also, you never know what the future might bring, so I have no idea. It's a cliché to say this, but in a perfect world, the dichotomous definition of straight and gay would probably carry less weight.