• sequels

    Eric Schaeffer Still Working His Worst-Douche-in-the-World Shtick

    In the halcyon days of 2007, Eric Schaeffer, a skeevy Internet dater and author of ironically titled book I Can't Believe I'm Still Single, was one of Gawker's favorite villains. He's getting another TV show. More »
    04/03/09
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    Comment by mladen: Well, if the show gets some numbers, I guess we could be looking at the next Sal and Dean whenever... 5 Responses | Other threads

  • sex talk

    Eric Schaeffer is Back and Looking for Tranny Action

    Proto-douche and I Can't Believe I'm Still Single author Eric Shaeffer is back to annoy us all with his blog. When a reader wrote in, "The reason you can't find a girl is on account of getting fucked in the ass by doms," Schaeffer offered this response: "The joys of giving over are obvious and plentiful to those of us straight guys who dabble. For those of you who don't or wish to judge, you might want to get your facts straight so you don't poison the world with anymore bullshit. We have way to much contaminating us already." Oh, and for those of you that aren't sure just who is and who is not engaging in hot trans-actional funtimes, Schaeffer explains it to you after the jump. More »
    06/28/08
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    Comment by redwindowbluedoor: Check link to blog discussing Eric Schaeffer's high school years, including a few classic yearbook photos. [louiselarsen.blogspot.com] more » | Other threads

  • douchebags

    Nightmare Online Dater John Fitzgerald Page Is The Worst Person In The World

    Hey, remember that wannabe i-banker douchebag Alexsey Vayner and his insanely braggy resume video? Do you recall Eric Schaeffer, the failed writer/director who hates women and blogs about how he can't believe he's still single? Well, what if they met and married and through some breakthrough in medical science had a baby? He would probably grow up to be something along the lines of Atlanta's John Fitzgerald Page, who in addition to working in corporate finance, being a part-time trainer, and being available for work as a "costumed character" or a "stand-in," also somehow finds the time in his day to be a colossal, mindbogglingly douchey douchebag to girls he meets on Match.com! More »
    10/11/07
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    Comment by LolCait: ZOMG look: [johnfitzgeraldpage.com] Does he play rich guy at parties, too??? 1 Responses | Other threads

  • jerks on parade

    Eric Schaeffer Is In Chicago; New York's Women Breathe Easy

    Eric Schaeffer, the world's worst man, the man who cannot understand why no woman will marry him, the jerkiest jerk in jerk town, is on his book tour to support his opus, "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single"! Our Special Correspondent For Sexy Midwest Trends report things are going poorly: "I just walked through the Barnes and Noble on the first floor of my office building in Chicago (it's the DePaul University book store) and Eric Schaeffer had just finished reading to a group of about ten people next to the revolving doors. I noticed one large-breasted, blonde gal (very fake looking) and a ton of dudes who looked exactly like him. It looked like a really awkward event." Hey, by the way, have you ever looked at his book's page on Amazon? More »
    09/25/07
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    By Choire

    Comment by Orson: So are we all forbidden to be racy and funny and tell dirty jokes because some debutante might get her... more » | Other threads

  • dating

    Total Freak: "Eric Schaeffer Is A Perfectly Normal And Acceptable Date"

    Publicist Kelly Kreth had long fantasized about boning the author of I Can't Believe I'm Still Single, noted emosogynist perv Eric Schaeffer. So it's really no surprise that, when she finally managed to cram herself into his busy dating schedule, she found him charming. Another thing you should know about Kelly is that her idea of third-date banter is "If you gag and vomit I will force you to lick it up." More »
    09/20/07
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    Comment by darina: Ha! Very funny, but from what I've seen -his physical self description and the personality that comes across in his... more » | Other threads

  • getting some asana

    Yoga Classes Are Full Of Sleazy Eric Schaeffers

    The article in the Times today about "inappropriate yoga guys," as immortalized in one of the funniest YouTube videos we've ever seen (seriously, watch it and see if you don't spit out your coffee when he does that Ujjayi breath), rips off all our blinders and reveals the shocking seamy underbelly of the yoga world. Just kidding, nothing in it will particularly shock any lady who has ever a) taken a yoga class that wasn't women's or prenatal or b) familiarized herself with the work of Gawker bete noire Eric Schaeffer, who prowls gyms looking for spandex-clad ladies at their most vulnerable. But we wonder if even he has pulled some of the heinous stunts described in this article. More »
    08/23/07
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    Comment by Smirk: @ Venuscloacina Thank you for the clarification. more » | Other threads

  • men who make us hate men

    Eric Schaeffer's Mindrape '07 Tour To Be A Documentary!

    Remember Eric Schaeffer, the eating-disordered emosogynist who can't believe he's still single? You know, the guy we used to think was the most immature scary-deluded narcissist we'd ever encountered before we met Robert Olen Butler? Well, we had him on ignore for a while, which means we missed this SuicideGirls interview a few weeks ago. "I'm on the hunt bad," he tells Erin Broadley, who characterizes his memoir, which is partly about getting blow jobs from hookers, as "a personal and illuminating work that never shies from being up front and honest about looking for romance in a decidedly less and less romantic world." Okay! Anyway, that's not all our Eric has to say for himself. More »
    08/06/07
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    Comment by whirlygirl7: Eric Schaeffer used to be one of my heroes. That is until I met him. Well, not so much the first hour... more » | Other threads

  • the world's worst person

    Eric Schaeffer's "Rape America's Mind" Tour '07!

    Beginning next week in San Diego, and ending in October in New Haven, literary mastermind, yoga practitioner and extremely tiny and single ball of hatred Eric Schaeffer will be on book tour! As we know from experience, his readings are just something to see. So whether you live in Mendocino or Boise, you too can lose your dignity listening to the misguided pit of sadness that is Eric's hatred of women and self. Also! Eric's MySpace has a question for you! It is: "Have Your Bought The Book Yet?" Actually, no, mine hasn't, honey, but maybe their has? More »
    07/19/07
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    By Choire

    Comment by slinkimalinki: @Queen of the Passive Aggressives: hey, leave scott baio out of it. i still want charles in charge of me. more » | Other threads

  • week in review

    Our Specialty Is Consumption. Our Subspecialty Is Diptheria.

  • We took one last look at the Look Book. More »
05/25/07
1,380
3

By Emily Gould

Comment by Pope John Peeps II: Speaking of the Rosie/Hasseltits war, I'd just like to bump this comment, by Sloppy Seconds, which is AWESOME. clicky clicky (P.S.... more » | Other threads

  • denials

    Eric Schaeffer Is "Just Friends" With Judith Regan

    From Jason Gordon, the Williamsburg-based online marketing specialist who Eric Schaeffer has retained to help promote his book, comes this email:
    Here is an official response, approved by Eric Schaeffer, author of I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL SINGLE: Regarding the Gawker.com post "Did Judith Regan Intercourse With Eric Schaeffer?", the answer is no. Eric Schaeffer appeared on Judith Regan's television show a couple of years ago and almost signed a book deal with her. While he is fond of her and finds her very sexy, he never had anything other than a professional relationship with her. The blowjob came from another publishing house.
    Eric Schaeffer finds Judith Regan "very sexy!" Will wonders never cease?
    05/23/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by 24-7: I've enjoyed these posts and been repelled by Eric Schaeffer as much as the next person, but I think it's... more » | Other threads

  • the world's worst couple

    Did Judith Regan Intercourse With Eric Schaeffer?

    So Eric Schaeffer's making the rounds, promoting his book, and his interview with Nerve is mostly nothing new. "I've been in therapy for years. My spiritual path has been one of self-reflection," and "It's hard to find really smart, funny women who are confident and have a job or an aspiration that's inspiring to me," and "Special-massage girls will give you love because it's just the nature of who they are and what they're doing." But then there's this: "I ended a book deal from a major publisher in New York because the woman who runs the publishing company, when my dick was in her mouth, had her checkbook out and said, "I will buy your book now." Come again? (Or please, please, never come again, but, you know, clarify?) More »
    05/23/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by drunkexpatwriter: I can't believe he found it so hard to date on Nerve. I'm a short beer bellied drunk and an... more » | Other threads

  • the world's worst person

    Meeting Eric Schaeffer

    For most of his reading at the Chelsea Barnes & Noble last night, I Can't Believe I'm Still Single author Eric Schaeffer was in his charming first-date mode, all bashful grins and 'aw-shucks, little old screenwriter me? Did I mention I dated Molly Ringwald once?' But occasionally, Eric would get to the clause in one of his run-on sentences that contained a zinger. He'd narrow his eyes and shoot a barbed insult at a pathetic divorced fattie whose life had been brightened when he'd viewed her Nerve profile, or he'd diss a dirty whore who'd had the gall to waste Eric's dating time by not being upfront about her oral herpes, and it would hit you: This guy really hates women. It's not a joke. This is a sociopath who preys on the dating desperation of aging New York ladies and then writes delusional screeds about them in order to feel better about himself. This guy is a Peter Braunstein who hasn't snapped... yet. The audience for Eric's reading was full of women. After all, who hates women more than women do? More »
    05/22/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by ClamBake: She says won't post anything in public because she's afraid of the douchewrath, but "Melinda" (remember her?) is pretty forthcoming... more » | Other threads

  • gawker calendar

    Eric Schaeffer's Book Party Is Tonight

    Click through for our Kommunity Kalendar. If you've got anything you think our readers might enjoy, or might mock in a way that is advantageous for you or you just want to talk, email josh@gawker.com.
    05/21/07
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    By Joshua Stein

    Comment by punctiliouspig: 'He was a cesarean like I was. My mother had been in labor for 48 hours until they finally had... more » | Other threads

  • eric schaeffer

    Eric Schaeffer Skeeves Rebecca Traister in 'Salon'

    Eric Schaeffer. Ugh! We almost can't even type the words. We're being serious and real right now: Eric Schaeffer represents the worst in men. He is every dick who's ever mistaken the fact that we were getting paid to serve him cocktails for "ooh, she wants me." He is every predatory asshole who has ever offered us a backrub when we were too young and dumb to understand how drunk we were. And, perhaps most importantly, Eric Schaeffer is the world's best argument for women's-only yoga classes. We were seriously, seriously never going to write about him again, but then Salon's ladyist-beat reporter Rebecca Traister sat down with the man, the myth, the internet-fame radar-blip and asked him about "the Gawker thing." It went sort of like this: More »
    02/08/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by hmj: I saw it was playing...huh! All I could think was, "Why the f*ck are they showing this? I want 'Scrubs' repeats!" more » | Other threads

  • eric schaeffer

    Match.com: Now Targeting the Lego Demographic

    Perhaps this means that Match is now targeting a younger—much younger—demographic. In any case, these new ads can only be good news for our friend Eric Schaeffer. More »
    02/02/07
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    By Doree Shafrir

    Comment by Sleepyhead: Hand job. more » | Other threads

  • eric schaeffer

    The Cool Kid

    Daily, we check to see how many people have read our blog. Whether it's growing, ebbing, flowing... It consistently grows a little every week in its readership, which is great. The other day the number suddenly spiked, like, a bazillion percent. Like many thousands of people above the usual number. We imed the tech people at Gawker Media who run the site and asked if maybe the counter was broken. They informed us that no, it was working fine and that maybe we had been posting lately about something that had gotten people really riled up. We weren't really sure what they meant. We turn on the computer; write a few posts about Radar and how Cindy Adams is senile, check our RSS feeds, answer our hatemail, and we're done. You know, the minimal. More »
    01/31/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by IamnotStarJones: how cool would it have been if Eric Schaefer just ignored the Gawker thing? Alas, poor Yorick, he could... more » | Other threads

  • eric schaeffer

    Eric Schaeffer Gets A Taste of His Own Meds

    Aaaand . . . it gets weirder. While we've being doing our best to avert our eyes from the endless trainwreck spooling out in slow-motion that is Eric Schaeffer's internet-documented life, someone's been doing the opposite. Meet Sandi. She's Eric Schaeffer's stalker.
    I admit it, I'm insane. But after I saw his movie "Fall" in 1997, I was a little obsessed with him. I thought his craziness was kind of charming. And when I read his blog, none of it really surprised me. It all seemed sort of....earnest. I liked that there was actually a guy in New York City looking for a wife. I keep getting guys who want to cheat on their girlfriends with me.
    Ugh, we hate that! We totally see where Sandi was coming from, and we read about her attempts to get closer to Eric with great interest. Unfortunately, though, she failed to meet choosy ol' Eric's stringent criteria. The email he sent to Sandi, rebuffing her advances, is after the jump. More »
    01/31/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by raincoaster: FracturedA, I'm gonna use "Amnesty" as my signoff from now on. more » | Other threads

  • eric schaeffer

    Eric Schaeffer Thinks You're Asking For It

    Love is all about making sacrifices. We love you, and that's why we subjected ourselves to a brief skim through an advance copy of Eric Schaeffer's magnum opus, I Can't Believe I'm Still Single. Yes, the book. Yes, Eric Schaeffer has a book. DON'T BUY IT. Seriously, don't! You wouldn't buy, like, a coat made from the skins of Guatemalan infants, would you? Well, buying Eric Schaeffer's book would be sort of like that, ethically, only worse. And besides, since we're excerpting some of the ickiest bits after the jump, you totally won't have to. More »
    01/30/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by drawkward: I would really rather read Bashar al-Assad's blog. Interesting that Schaeffer rejects a woman essentially for topping his joke. more » | Other threads

  • eric schaeffer

    When Eric Schaeffer Thinks About You, He . . . Sorry.

    Okay, okay, just this one last post about dating-challenged doucheblogger Eric Schaeffer, and then we're quitting, forever. Really. After this, we'll just turn it over to the grassroots groups that have emerged — they have single ladies' best interests and not book publicity in mind, we desperately hope. So herewith, after the jump, is the last "I dated Eric Schaeffer" email you'll get from us. Warning: the words "making love" are involved. More »
    01/29/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by JupiterPluvius: One of "Melinda's" friends posted this on her MySpace: "what the fuck? he fucks whores, steals your shit - steals women's... more » | Other threads

  • eric schaeffer

    Eric Schaeffer Relapse

    Okay, okay, we admit it: we are powerless over our addiction to posting about manorexic, twelve-steppin', misogynistic, internet dating addicted, bad-screenplay-writer Eric Schaeffer. We'll keep trying to stop (maybe a power higher than ourself might return us to sanity?), but in the meantime, we thought we'd share with you the entire text of the best Schaeffer-dater email we've received so far. A taste:
    He, honest-to-god, is unaware of how much bullshit he feeds to everyone and, most sadly, to himself. if he were aware, he would probably freak-out from the calorie content.
    More »
    01/29/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by Seeräuber Jenny: He's really a great guy. But a schmuck! Totally hot, though. But, really? Kind of a dick. He's super talented,... more » | Other threads

  • clips

    This Is the Last Eric Schaeffer Post. Seriously.

    Many of you have contacted us, curious about Starved, still-single douche par excellence Eric Schaeffer's FX series about his bout with manorexia. We assumed that you were also interested in watching him jerk off using olive oil as lube. That's your warning. You've been warned. Splashguards up! More »
    01/26/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by Miss Tanya: Thank you Gawker. You have made my life better. I love to hate this guy so much. Nothing clever, just... more » | Other threads

  • douchebag hall of fame

    More of Eric Schaeffer's Little Peccadildos. Yeah, You Read That Right.

    We can stop posting about Eric "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single, Even Though Every Other Sentient Life Form On Planet Earth Soooo Can" Schaeffer any time we want. Really. Okay, but before we take a vow of silence about Eric (who is also on the MySpace, in case you missed him on Nerve or Match) forever, we just have to share these latest tips. They're all thematically linked somehow. "How?" you're probably wondering. "I am racking my brain and I can't figure out what they're getting at based on that mysterious headline?!" Well, click on past the jump, little ones. But heed our warning: not safe for . . . just not safe. NOT SAFE. More »
    01/25/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by Dusty in the Wind: This guy is Ed Burns minus the looks. more » | Other threads

  • eric schaeffer

    Dating Eric Schaeffer: Reports From The Field

    Well, we knew it would happen eventually: our best efforts to never post about Eric Schaeffer again have been thwarted. The reason? We've started getting emails from women who've not only "winked" at Eric on Match and talked dirty with him on Nerve, they've actually met him in person (or they have a "friend" who has met him in person). So, uh, how'd it go? More »
    01/25/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by Whirlygirl: I went out with him once about a year ago. He immediateky wanted to know what I thought of him... more » | Other threads

  • taking the bait

    We Sure Opened Up A Monster Can Of Douchebait Re: Eric Schaeffer

    We cringingly directed you yesterday to Rudius blogger Eric Schaeffer's site, where he alternately wonders why he can't find love and makes it glaringly obvious why he can't find love (he's the kind of pompous misogynist who makes Norman Mailer look like Rebecca Traister. Also, he's short). The aftermath in our inbox was brutal: we learned way, way, way more than we ever wanted to know about Schaeffer, including the fact that he has a book, also entitled I Can't Believe I'm Still Single (DON'T BUY IT! Seriously, if one person buys Schaeffer's book because of this, we might have to quit Gawker and go work for NOW to expiate our debt to womankind) coming out this spring from Thunder's Mouth Press. Here's the blurb from, you guessed it, T*cker M*x:
    You almost don't believe what you are reading, but at the same time, you relate to the underlying emotions. And on top of it all, he is really funny.
    After the jump, we dump out the rest of our douchiness-glutted mailbag. More »
    01/25/07
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    By Emily Gould

    Comment by 24-7: Schaeffer ought to adopt--even if the biological mother is a crack addict, their DNA will be better than his biological... more » | Other threads