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Esquire

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wtf

Four Awful Tips For Women From Esquire Editor

Esquire's David Granger, you'll recall, secured a lone nomination in the National Magazine Awards this year thanks, reportedly, to lobbying by fellow Hearst editor Rosemary Ellis, of Good Housekeeping. No surprise, then, that Granger was all-too-happy to do a solid for another Hearst title, O, The Oprah Magazine, when editors there asked him to answer the question "Men! What Do You Like Most About Us [women]?" Granger's exuberant response (last item) is clearly intended to flatter O's middle-aged lady readers, which is fine, since that's half the point of these things. But the answers are so obviously terrible one almost wonders if it was written as parody. Did Granger hand this one off to a junior assistant or something? The four worst tips:

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4:23 AM on Wed Jun 18 2008
By Ryan Tate
5,844 views, 25 comments

Latest by n/a: This is more like what douches like about us. more »

Accuracy Bill Clinton—subject of a hostile profile in Vanity Fair—claimed Esquire's David Granger told him the piece was sleazy. Except it wasn't Granger who emailed, but one of his junior editors; and the recipient wasn't Clinton, but one of the former president's staffers. (Details have never been Clinton's strong point: after all, he claimed he'd never had sexual relations with that woman.) [Politico]

8 comments

scandal

Bill Clinton Calls Vanity Fair Writer "Scumbag"

Audio emerged tonight of former President Bill Clinton calling Vanity Fair writer Todd Purdum a "sleazy... dishonest... slimy... scumbag." Former Times reporter Purdum, of course, is the guy who wrote the just-released article about how Clinton is running around the world on private jets, including one called "Air Fuck One," with billionaire scuzzballs like Ron Burkle, Steve Bing and Jeffrey Epstein. Clinton told a Huffington Post reporter Purdum was awful, and that the Vanity Fair piece has "five or six blatant lies," but then added he had never read it. But that didn't stop him from continuing to trash it, nor did the fact that Purdum is married to Clinton's former press secretary Dee Dee Myers. Audio after the jump, along with a text summary. More »

10:47 PM on Mon Jun 2 2008
By Ryan Tate
6,876 views, 56 comments

Latest by n/a: I'm gonna miss the hell out of those pantsuits. She's just GOTTA get VP. more »

Awesomely Grumpy Old Men

Gore Vidal Empties His Head

What's on iconoclastic writer Gore Vidal's mind these days? Oh just everything! Like: "You hear all this whining going on, 'Where are our great writers?' The thing I might feel doleful about is: Where are the readers?" And: "Everything’s wrong on Wikipedia." Plus: "I’ve developed a total loathing for McCain, conceited little asshole. And he thinks he’s wonderful. I mean, you can just tell, this little simper of self-love that he does all the time. You just want to kick him." More of Vidal's idle musings from this month's Esquire after the jump. More »

3:18 PM on Sat May 31 2008
By ian spiegelman
3,057 views, 54 comments

Latest by Fishman: @NeverEnough: Tell me where you're institutionalized, I'll send some cookies. more »

magazines

Esquire's Copycat Obama Cover

That Barack Obama picture—on the cover of this month's issue of the men's magazine—looked familiar. Slightly less of Obama's hands are visible; the Democratic candidate's shoulders are weirdly hunched; and the picture's rendered in black and white. But it's obviously from the same Platon shoot as the one that illustrated Time's December cover story. Embarrassing, though it's hard to condemn Esquire: determined insurgent politicians have a limited range of body language; the photo editors can safely assume readers have short memories; and the likely Democratic nominee needs the support of Scots-Irish racists in Appalachia more than he does the goodwill of Esquire's photo department or metropolitan readers.

3:50 PM on Tue May 27 2008
By Nick Denton
1,119 views, 24 comments

Latest by Meeg: That's the model hunch, Obama's been getting tips from Tyra. more »

advertising

Liquor Ad Dispenses With Clothing Entirely

The outline on the model at left is not a bathing suit; that would be a tan line. The woman is completely naked. The ad for Cabana Cachaça was accepted not only at Playboy but also at Details, Men's Vogue, Esquire and GQ. Yes, this says something about eroding publication standards and the financial desperation of magazines amid the current advertising downturn. But more critically, it says that Cabana Cachaça is probably some really, really crappy liquor. Larger shot of the ad, marginally NSFW, after the jump.
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8:54 AM on Tue May 20 2008
By Ryan Tate
7,211 views, 70 comments

Latest by n/a: the stuff isn't even sold in brazil. couldn't be less authentic. completely lame. more »

the famous

How To Pry Interesting Statements From Celebrities, For Profit

Our interviews with celebrities usually go something like this...
Me: "So...um, do you have any funny anecdotes from the set?"
Celebrity: "Uh, no...I don't know."
Publicist: "I told you no personal questions! This interview is over!"
Then there are celebrity profilers like Scott Raab who could give a damn and ask whatever the hell they want and somehow get away with it. Esquire's Eric Gillin recently interviewed Raab about his new book, Real Hollywood Stories, and the questions he still wants to ask. More »

5:29 PM on Thu Apr 10 2008
By noelle_hancock
3,240 views, 16 comments

Latest by n/a: That's a lot of hate toward Al Gore just because his daddy didn't rig an election for him with the judges he appointed to the Supreme Court years earlier. more »

the fix

How Magazine Editors Look After Their Own

So, was Esquire's last-minute inclusion as a finalist in the National Magazine Awards a stroke of luck for the languishing Hearst magazine, or merely the result of a fix? As you might have read, David Granger's men's title, which used reliably to feature in several categories in the magazine industry's annual exercise in mutual flattery, only received a solo nomination for its work in the past year. Mixed Media's Jeff Bercovici explained that even that was a fluke: the nomination was to have been New York's, until the judges realized that the magazine, an awards hog, had naughtily entered material it had already submitted in another category. So, a lucky break. Or maybe not. More »

3:59 PM on Fri Mar 21 2008
By Nick Denton
1,310 views, 15 comments

Latest by n/a: I get the cover art. He's imploding and now we're all supposed to believe it. Except he isn't. At all. more »

jokes

McSweeney's Un-Humor Is Invading The World

Remember how the Nothing invaded the fantasy land in The Neverending Story? It's happening to comedy. Un-comedy is in the show "Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job" (and much else on Adult Swim); it's in the New Yorker; and McSweeney's, the writhing heart of the Nothing, has infected Esquire with it. In a piece titled "Joke" McSweeney's writer Deb Olin Unferth tells an intentionally stupid story. Am I too dumb to get whatever clever point Unferth is making, or is this really the worst "so unfunny it's funny" story ever to appear in a publication not edited by Dave Eggers? (Don't worry, there's a plain text version of the "joke" under the napkin-scribble version shown here, although I bet Unferth wanted to make everyone decipher her handwriting.)

11:59 PM on Wed Mar 5 2008
By Nick Douglas
1,843 views, 20 comments

Latest by hotcheetos: @TimeWarnerRhymeAnaheim: Nope, sweetpea. WE R OLDZ AND IN UR INTORNETZ!!!!!! more »

liars

Esquire Writes Heath Ledger's Fake Memoir

What were the last moments of Heath Ledger's life like? Esquire doesn't have the exclusive! So their reporter Lisa Taddeo added a gimmick to her story about the actor's final days: She wrote her story in the first and second person as the late actor, using Chuck Palahniuk's dramatic narrative style (which is pretty close to Esquire's default). The magazine cleverly introduces the piece as "reported fiction," which means we don't get to know which details of Taddeo's piece are true. So why didn't she just invent the whole thing? That seems easier. [Photo: Getty]

11:54 PM on Wed Mar 5 2008
By Nick Douglas
1,117 views, 13 comments

Latest by n/a: @TedSez: "Fake Norman Mailer"? How do you fake a fake? more »

publicity stunts

Life As A Hot Woman: Creepy

If there were any justice in the world, at all, Gimmick book writer AJ Jacobs would be ashamed of his article in the latest Esquire because it would suck. The article goes like this: Jacobs gets permission from his wife to screw his young hot nanny, drools all over her, pushes the innocent girl into the scuzzy world of online dating, uses her account to flirt with and extract information from suitors and then actually sets her up on dates with a few of these guys, all no doubt so he can write a big article about it in Esquire. The problem is that the article emphatically does not suck, it's actually kind of an awesome read. And Jacobs arguably does his mostly male readers the service of illustrating how disturbing their behavior toward hot women is: More »

6:15 AM on Wed Feb 20 2008
By Ryan Tate
7,154 views, 41 comments

Latest by Carol Gardens: @lizzybennet: To clarify: His wife gave him permission in the sense that she said he could knowing it would never happen in a million years. And it didn't . So he is somewhat less sleazy than one might think if more »

spoofs

Fake Reporter Bird Poo Vid Is Mockumentary By 'Arrested Development' Actor

Yesterday, we dismissed as fake the Internet video sensation clip of a reporter getting bird poo in his mouth during a live newscast. But we didn't quite convince Esquire, who has a cute video piece today on reporter bloopers that includes the spoof. As proof, we offer the full mockumentary from SNL guy Jerry Minor, Arrested Development's David Cross, and Bob Odenkirk, in which a fake reporter gives a fake report about a fake bird in a fake documentary for a fake Nigerian soda company commercial. Special appearances by shouting caricatures of Nigerian businessmen. Thanks to TPG.

2:20 PM on Fri Feb 1 2008
By Maggie
1,915 views, 9 comments

Latest by kthnx: @Sulky Girl: I try so hard to like everything Odenkirk does, though sometimes he makes it hard ("Let's Go To Prison?"). Seriously though, I swear he's still funny. His videos on [www.superdeluxe.com] are awesome. Also, Jerry Minor is one of more »

Esquire's thin January issue (just one feature! Actually, half a feature: part two of a John McCain profile!) has the world's most aggressively infuriating Charles "Chuck" Klosterman column to date. It has such a convincing and thrilling premise—that Klosterman can visually identify which major network a show is on because of subtle changes in color and tone and definition. Oh my God—me too! I think? I swear I can! Wait, can I? No. Because that does not exist, as Chuck then goes on talking about, with the help of some armchair semi-reporting. GRR. To give credit where credit is due, however? A+ for "[I]f you play Explosions in the Sky loud enough, the process of hanging drywall can be a life-altering experience." (Though like he hangs drywall frequently?)

15 comments

Esquire readers are older and poorer than those of five other, less classy men's mags. The Esquire reader's median household income is a pathetic $53,783, compared to $76,865 for Men's Journal and $65,614 for Maxim. It seems that pictures of ladies in their underwear are somehow more popular with affluent young men than George Clooney! [Folio]

16 comments

Talk about noticing things tardily—but look how gorgeous the Esquire page design and illustration was in 1960! Holy mackerel. I would buy the holy hell out of that magazine. (Except the Gawker 1960 version would probably be all like, "Oh my God, who is this tired James Baldwin, selling out Harlem to the gentrifiers? And what is with all this white space? OMG, 'white space,' get it?" Sigh.) [Esquire.com]

35 comments

We hear that Brendan Vaughan, senior editor at chaotic Conde Nast biz mag Portfolio, has quit, and will wisely return to Esquire. Maybe deputy editor Amy Stevens better cancel what we hear is her soon-coming maternity leave—because the departures aren't over yet.

1 comment

meeting the demographic

'Esquire' Is The Magabrand With A Penthouse

Don't tell Esquire editor-in-chief David Granger that the concept of "magabrands"—magazines that have "extended" their "brands" to new media, old media and non-media"—is out-of-control bankrupt. Esquire North is the magazine's sprawling Harlem three-level condo on Central Park North; each room and everything in it was decorated by an Esquire advertiser. To have the honor of furnishing arcade seats in eel skin in the gaming room, both Kenneth Cole and Intel had to purchase at least one page (ooh!) of advertising. Last night all these brands threw a party for Riverkeeper. We don't care really about fisheries on the Hudson, but we do care about Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who is the main litigator for the environmental outfit. He is so boyishly handsome and so charismatic and so, well, Kennedy-like! Semi-socialite Melissa Berkelhammer stood alone near the panini bar as Kennedy gave a speech. And—was she wearing a sad pony mask? More »

2:02 PM on Wed Oct 31 2007
By Joshua Stein
2,050 views, 31 comments

Latest by DorothyMantooth: First the pretty ballerinos, and now RFK...Josh: Still not gay?! more »

angelina jolie has a bowel movement

Has The World Changed Or Has 'Esquire' Changed?

I recently started receiving Esquire magazine! (There were air miles to be disposed of, so why not?) And so one came the other week and I sat down and read it. Not sure which issue it was, I think the new one, they all look alike—as in, I just looked at every cover this year and I can't identify which one I read from either word or pictures (what with their covers being a weird corporate last echo of Ray Gun). It was okay! Slightly irritating was that the whole magazine was one long listicle, with "bits" crammed into every corner of every page. The winky hetero-laddishness was a little irksome too, but I know I'm not their target subscriber, not being a credit-card loving, manscaping, overcoat-buying fathead, so I can brush that off. But then yesterday the magazine went and did themselves so wrong. They republished the classic 1966 Gay Talese piece "Frank Sinatra Has A Cold" online. More »

12:20 PM on Tue Oct 9 2007
By Choire
5,860 views, 61 comments

Latest by n/a: @thegrowler: This is true. Chivers is a total badass. more »

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