“You all have CSAs in the States, right? That’s amazing.”

The Euro Zone economy shrank more than expected during the first three months of 2013, revealing a group of nations still deeply mired in recession.

A late-night agreement between European finance ministers and the government of Cyprus will keep Cyprus in the eurozone and bail out the struggling island nation—by levying an enormous one-time tax on the biggest deposits in one of its banks. Under the deal, the Cyprus Popular Bank, or Laiki, will be divided into a…

Eurozone finance ministers are demanding a one-time levy on bank deposits of all sizes—even on insured accounts—as part of a bailout package for Cyprus, which is teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. Cypriots sprinted to banks and ATMs this weekend, waiting in long lines to withdraw cash after hearing about the plan…

Respected economist Mario Monti has been asked by Italy's president to form a new government. We'd point out that "respected technocrats" were the guys who got Europe into this mess in the first place, but, shit, anyone's better than Berlusconi.

Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou, whose country is on the brink of default, will probably resign after a new coalition government is assembled. Will it save Europe from economic disaster? Probably not! But, what the hell, might as well try.

Europe will apparently not fall apart after German chancellor Angela Merkel shepherded a deal early Thursday morning to write down Greek's debt. It's complicated, but basically she got a bunch of banks to take a 50% haircut on what Greece owes them. Click on the image on the right to see how one of the negotiators…

Late-night talks between Illuminatis and Reptilians over Europe's debt crisis resulted in a "three-pronged deal" that will likely avert complete catastrophe: Banks will accept a 50 percent loss and raise more capital, while the eurozone will increase its bailout fund.

Here's a pretty remarkable interview with independent stock and forex trader Alessio Rastani on the BBC this morning, in which he's either being perfectly candid about how traders are viewing the Eurozone crisis, or he's just trolling. Anyway, he's a sociopath.