Unspeakable perverts and frightening hippies will be disappointed to hear there was no spread-eagle shot of little Solveig crowning, but everything else is legit enough to turn horny teens off sex forever, if only because the phrase "birth livestream" is really starting to gross me out. Lynsee is strangely placid as the baby is emerging (apparently she got an epidural), but then the nurse plops a scrunchy-faced Solveig—covered in the chunky white goo-matter I am told is de rigeur for the miracle of life—onto her chest, and the presence of a multi-limbed being that was, until mere moments ago, thrashing around her vagina totally freaks her out. Anyway, here's the video. The excitement starts around 8:30.

And thus, with a grunt, a shriek, and an unceremonious plop, sticky little Solveig outdid every single oversharing ego-blogger on the planet in the first five seconds of her life. Congrats, Solveig, you are the Miracle Baby of Generation TMI. I'd say you'll never live this down, but Spencer Pratt skipped his vasectomy and Nadya Suleman's always a wildcard, so don't count your nanny cam endorsements, just yet.

UPDATE: I— oh my god— apparently witnessing the miracle of Solveig's birth answered none of my questions about how babies are made, because this post originally identified Solveig as a boy. But Solveig is a girl. All I can say is, as soon as this child learns how to type her name into a search engine, she's totally screwed. At least she's adorable?

Correction: Lynsee and Anders' last name is not Gannett. They've released this video, but not their last names. Sorry about that.

When the news broke that TMZ had a Carrie Prejean sex tape, but was making the magnanimous editorial decision not to air the "racy" video, the only possible explanations were either

• 1. The sex tape did not really exist.
• 2. The sex tape depicted an act so inhumanly depraved and unimaginably lewd that viewing it would turn you into a stone.
• 3. The act depicted in the sex tape was perfectly normal as far as amateur porn goes, but some stringent legal matter involving the creation and/or acquisition of the tape (say, the lead actress' age) had TMZ's hands tied.

Turns out it was the third. Hannity—who wrote the foreword to Prejean's new memoir, which will either sell far worse or far better than anticipated—asks about the sex tape first, and Prejean repeats several times that she was "all by myself," filming a sexy masturbatory gift for her boyfriend at a disconcertingly young age. It was "the biggest mistake of my life." The former Miss California explains that she is taking responsibility for her actions, and that she learned an important lesson from the debacle:

I've learned a lot about people and what they'll do to make extra money.

Texas orthodontist Beverley Bunn told The New York Times that the sweat ceremony was the rebirth phase of a "vision quest." Much like an actual birth, disgusting things spewed from everyone's orifices and a lot of pain was involved: "There were people throwing up everywhere" based on the kinda-bulimic advice that vomiting "was good for you, that you are purging what your body doesn't want, what it doesn't need." Apparently the body doesn't need consciousness, either, because at least three vision quest-ers passed out during the session, Bunn and others claim. When horrified participants yelled for help, Ray said he would "deal" with it later.

The experience cost $9,695. And, as if paying money to be trapped in a coal-heated, plastic-wrapped, life-threatening wigwam in the middle of the desert with 50 fellow "spiritual warriors," then watching them die before your very eyes, weren't bad enough, James Arthur Ray is apparently not letting up on his New Age bullshit: He brought a "channeler" into a conference call with the likely PTSD-ridden sweat lodge participants. She explained that the spiritual warriors' deceased peers were not, in fact, the victims of homicide—rather, they had powerful out-of-body experiences and it was "so much fun" that they decided not to come back. Seriously, could you even invent a more tasteless line of reasoning for the future Law & Order episode this is clearly about to become?

Local police are investigating the deaths as homicides, but despite the surviving warriors' most obvious wishes, James Arthur Ray has not been charged.

Time Inc. launched EW in 1990. Back then it was supposed to be a sort of halfway point between, say, Variety and People. That was then! Today celebrities have taken over all media, and everything has become more like a celebrity magazine than an insidery trade magazine, including EW.

Current print-hater Jeff Jarvis was, ironically, EW's first managing, a fact which he has used to establish his own credibility with print people ever since. At the time, EW's launch was considered a big risk. From Folio, in 1989:

Unlike the previous expensive newsstand prototype of Picture Week, which never got off the ground, Entertainment Weekly was tested by more traditional direct mail. Initial circulation will be 500,000; subscriptions will be priced at $1 per issue, and single copies will sell for $1.95.

The launch of Entertainment Weekly is the first since the costly failure of TV-Cable Week in 1983. With a sigh, Brack says, "Eveybody is looking for a connection between this launch and that one—it's irrelevant and I'm tired of it."

We all still mourn the death of TV-Cable Week! But EW flourished, mostly because its sections are bite-sized, it's not too far down on the stupid scale, and it could make outsiders feel, uh, a wee bit insiderey, I guess, so it had broad appeal.

It launched at a circulation of 500K; by the early 2000s it was well over 1.5 million. Plus EW had the bright idea of naming the "Entertainer of the year" every year, which naturally resulted in a ton of free PR, because news holes are huge and the media is desperate. Though some of their choices were kind of vague cop-outs, like Time's Person of the Year is sometimes. Particularly:

Bart Simpson (1990)
Jodie Foster (1991)
...
the cast of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Fast forward to the modern days of dying print and a plunging economy and all that, and EW is widely considered to have serious troubles. We should note that they do smart things every once in a while. But I do wish that "Owen Gleiberman, film critic for Entertainment Weekly," would get the hell off my TV on NY1 so early in the morning. If EW does, indeed, end up going online-only (which is just a rumor, and not imminent even if it's true), some people will lose their favorite bathroom reading. And we'll probably gain a competitor.

EW's average circulation has been steady for a few years:

2007: 1.8 million

2006: 1.8 million

2005: 1.8 million

But in the first half of '08, it was down by 7%, according to Folio. More importantly, their ad pages dropped by nearly a fifth through September of this year. They had layoffs earlier this year, which some actually considered good news, because lots of people held up EW as a candidate to fold.

But their web traffic has been doing great!

The Christian Science Monitor has already announced its plans to become the first major paper to go online-only. So EW's move would not be an off-the-wall thing. Print ads bring in most of the revenue, but when ad page sales crater, the production of the print magazine stays wildly expensive—far more expensive than gaining readers online.

You know who would applaud this move, too? Jeff Jarvis, the cranky media guy who founded EW and is now one of the loudest preachers of the "Print is dead" gospel.

If they did go online-only, and it worked, EW would be a trailblazer. And they might prevent themselves from folding, in the process. If you know more about this, email us.

UPDATE: We got an email from EW's PR person denying the rumors:

I just wanted to let you know that there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Entertainment Weekly is going digital only. In fact, our circulation is stable, our audience numbers are up and we're full steam ahead for 2009.

• WATCH VIDEO

The New York Times' Alessandra Stanley gripes that the program doesn't just distill the nuances of such a complicated issue but also that it's just boring TV. Stanley, though, manages to overlook the most crucial detail about the series, that it is the latest effort from vehemently pious family fabulist Brenda Hampton, who gave us the long-running and unbelievably obtuse and wicked 7th Heaven series. While some might check this new show out for the Molly Ringwald factor (she plays Mom!) I don't imagine that it will succeed on the network where naughtier (and most likely smarter) fare like Greek has flourished. But then again, who knows what the kids want these days.

Quiet — don't tell Joss Whedon! Anyway, we'd like to extend an early invitation to Ari Emanuel, Brian Grazer, Sharon Stone, Jeff Zucker, Brett Ratner, unicorns and any other Defamer regulars who might consider weighing in with their own listicles come time for "Item 50B." It'll be here before we know it.

• The EW 1000 [EW via ONTD]

Above, we've spotlighted the entry for underappreciated Imagine superproducer Brian Grazer, who relentlessly publicizes the fact the he's a knowledge-vampire consumed by a smartlust so crippling that it can only be sated by luring unsuspecting geniuses to his office, where he quickly drains their quivering gray matter of all delicious ideas, then has his trusty cultural attaché bury their useless, thought-depleted husks in a quiet corner of Ron Howard's backyard; being pushed out of the top ten by two mere actors (Will Smith and Meryl Streep) must really be a disappointment for the town's foremost nerd-collector. [Also: Someone will be made to pay dearly for the magazine's choice to use an unauthorized cartoon image in lieu of Grazer's officially sanctioned headshot.] Below is EW's list of 50 (full profiles are here), for those who'd like to spend the day debating whether Ben Stiller is actually "smarter" than Brad Bird:

1. Judd Apatow, director/writer/producer 2. Steven Spielberg, director/producer 3. James Cameron, director/producer 4. Ari Emanuel, partner of the Endeavor Agency 5. Will Smith, actor/producer 6. Meryl Streep, actor 7. Peter Rice, president of Fox Searchlight 8. Tyler Perry, actor/director/writer/producer 9. David Heyman, producer 10. John Knoll, visual-effects supervisor of Industrial Light & Magic 11. Brian Grazer, producer 12. Dick Cook, chairman of the Walt Disney Studios 13. George Clooney, actor/director/producer 14. Jerry Bruckheimer, producer 15. Amy Pascal, co-chairman of Sony Pictures Entertainment 16. Peter Jackson, director/producer 17. Will Ferrell, actor/producer 18. Robert Zemeckis, director 19. Tom Rothman, co-chair of Fox Filmed Entertainment 20. Ben Stiller, actor/director/producer 21. Johnny Depp, actor/producer 22. Jeffrey Katzenberg, CEO of DreamWorks Animation 23. Brad Bird, writer/director 24. Emmanuel Lubezki, cinematographer 25. Zack Snyder, director 26. Stacey Snider, CEO of DreamWorks SKG 27. Michael Moore, documentarian 28. Paul Greengrass, director 29. J.J. Abrams, producer/director 30. Jodie Foster, actor/director 31. Kathleen Kennedy, producer 32. Thelma Schoonmaker, editor 33. Angelina Jolie, actor 34. Sacha Baron Cohen, actor/writer/producer 35. Tim Palen, co-president of film marketing for Lionsgate 36. Modi Wiczyk, co-CEO of Media Rights Capital 37. Guillermo del Toro, writer/producer/director 38. Diablo Cody, screenwriter 39. Mary Zophres, costume designer 40. Jeff Skoll, founder of Participant Productions 41. Stefan Sonnenfeld, president of Company 3 42. Daniel Battsek, president of Miramax Films 43. Beth Swofford, agent at CAA 44. Roderick Jaynes, editor 45. Cate Blanchett, actor 46. Jeff Walker, Comic-Con impresario 47. Amy Powell, senior vice president of interactive marketing at Paramount 48. Gustavo Santaolalla, composer 49. Sarah Polley, actor/writer/director 50. Ben Affleck, actor/director/writer/producer

• The 50 Smartest People In Hollywood [EW.com]
• Previously: Premiere Releases Power List; Fox Chief Asses To Receive Slightly Increased Pampering Immediately [Defamer]