What's hotter than a hip girl with a perfect body and an ample bosom? A hip girl with a perfect body, ample bosom, and a mustache. Throw in spandex with a boner, and it's no longer advertising—it's art.

Poor Detroit! First an economic catastrophe, now an olfactory one: After a woman sued the city because her coworker's perfume gave her breathing problems, Detroit is warning city workers not to wear "any scented products." [Detroit News]

Remember freshman year when the girls had to talk to the school nurse about menstruation? Well, Esquire Editor-in-Chief David Granger is doing that but for Hearst's male employees. It's called "Your Pump, Your Plumbing, and a Cocktail." Gross!

Jeffery Epstein, the billionaire money manager who recently finished a prison sentence for soliciting under-aged prostitutes, is now claiming he is the victim of racketeering at the hands of a lawyer who represented women suing him.

Women don't always know they're pregnant. Babies fall out of them all the time, at really inopportune moments—grocery shopping, making coffee, vacuuming, on blind dates, whatever. The re-enactments of these births really drive home the awkward, unexpected pain.

Lynsee and Anders welcomed darling daughter Solveig into the world by aiming a webcam at unmentionable parts of her mother's anatomy and livestreaming her birth, making her the youngest oversharer in the history of the internet.

Of all the excuses and explanations Carrie Prejean made for her sex tape on Hannity last night, only one—that she was a teenager when she made the video—makes sense. For TMZ, that is.

So, that horrifying sweat lodge where Oprah-endorsed guru James Arthur Ray may or may not have inadvertently killed three people? NYT has some new eye witness reports, and they're as scary, icky, and infuriatingly New-Agey as you thought.

A raw sewage overflow has caused Parks Department officials to close two NYC beaches today (Coney Island and Manhattan Beach). Did you get that? Raw. Sewage. Overflow. 'Knew it before, but: nasty. [New York Post]

Entertainment Weekly published its 1,000th issue earlier this year—and maybe that was enough, since they're rumored to be considering killing their print edition next year. Let's look back at EW's fun history! Okay:

We've heard from multiple sources that the idea of going online-only is being seriously considered by the leadership of Entertainment Weekly. And it wouldn't be a bad idea.

Vacancy: Just days after the creators of Do Not Disturb sent out a letter to TV critics apologizing for “being the perpetrators of such bad television,” their show has become the fall season's first cancellation. According to EW's Michael Ausiello, the Jerry O'Connell sitcom (which aired only three episodes) will be…

Whoops: We bet the crew over at EW wishes they had a Time Turner right about now. Hot on the heels of Warner Bros.' announcement that they'll be spiriting Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to summer 2009, EW has released its fall 2008 movie preview featuring... Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Let's all…

ABC Family's new series, the ambitiously-titled The Secret Life of the American Teenager, premieres tonight, and the critics are none too excited about it. The Boston Globe's Joanna Weiss breaks down the show—about a 15-year-old who gets pregnant the first time she has sex—into its cliché character archetypes, which…

We hope that when we reach whatever the equivalent of our 1,000th issue is — probably Item No. 50,000,000,000, cranked out under duress after a bitter, mop-wielding Coffee Bean barista tells us they closed over an hour ago — we have achieved the kind of clout displayed this week by Entertainment Weekly. There, in…

TMZ, which is most likely our Skynet, has posted the most horrible video ever made. It's about Jim Hendrix's sex tape. It involves old groupies watching and purring and saying the word "dick" a lot and also "purple." I recommend borrowing someone else's eyeballs. Jerry Orbach lent me his. (NSFW, unless you work in a…