"The new treadmill gyms are betting that running in place can become the newest hit among the Lululemon set, enticing people willing to pay $34 or more for a single class." Nah.
Yoga Clothes More Popular Than Yoga
Traditionally, Americans only see the inside of a gym from January 2- January 15, before giving up on their New Year's resolutions. Their actual need for athletic apparel is minimal. This does not stop Americans from buying athletic apparel as fast as they can.
Army Workout Clothes Get More Fly--Still Stank, Though
United States Army soldiers care about one thing and one thing only and that is looking good when they are doing their workouts. Wow they have some new workout clothes and I think you are gonna be pleased, with the new clothes!
Cristiano Ronaldo Got Paid to Pretend He Puts This Device in His Mouth
Portuguese football stud Cristiano Ronaldo was recently convinced, either by a lot of money or some sort of solemn blood debt, to endorse a Japanese product called the Facial Fitness PAO, a workout device for your face. As you can see in this commercial, a PAO session involves cramming a bite-plate with wings into…
Study: You Are Not Working Out
In the past 20 years, the caloric intakes of Americans and the composition of their diets have not significantly changed. But obesity rates have steadily risen. Why? Probably because motherfuckers are not working out.
A Fitness Critique of the ISIS Terrorist Workout Video
The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) is not just a bloody Islamist terror group currently massacring the Iraqi army; it's also the producer of a workout video. But is this the quality workout video that Middle Eastern radicals deserve?
Everything Wrong With Barack Obama's Workout
Well well well, the secret is out. U.S. President Barack Obama's secret workout is finally declassified and caught on tape for all the world to see. Mister President, you got some problems.
Confused Man Eats Pizza While Doing Crunches
A member of the Planet Fitness gym chain was captured eating pizza while lackadaisically doing some machine-assisted crunches this week. The purple-and-yellow purveyor of low-impact health gives away free pizza monthly to its members.
A pregnant South Carolina woman says she was asked to leave a Planet Fitness gym because her "belly was hanging out." Can all these outrageous Planet Fitness stories even be real? Burn it down either way.
In the latest installment of "The World's Least Successful Effort By a Cult-Like Phenomenon to Prove that It Is Not Cult-Like," Crossfit digs into the links between Crossfit and polygamy.
Burn Planet Fitness to the Ground
Are you a member of the "Planet Fitness" gym chain? If so, we regret to inform you that your gym must be doused in gasoline and set alight immediately. Why? One poor, fit woman's tale should explain.
There Are Some Exercises You Don't Need to Do
Kevin Ogar, an experienced athlete and Crossfit coach, was left paralyzed after a weightlifting accident during a competition earlier this month. Is that Crossfit's fault?
Face Yoga Is Our New Favorite Workout
Are you a wealthy white person with way too much time on your hands? Then do we have the workout for you!
Study: Old Women Lazy as Hell
It's hard enough being an elderly woman in today's society, what with sexism, ageism, and those bizarre "brooches" everyone expects you to wear. So hey, old ladies: don't make it harder on yourself by being so lazy. Get up and MOVE!
Research shows that sex is only "moderate" exercise—"Though some men...used more energy for brief periods during sex than they did jogging." I bet while they were vigorously thrusting their penises.
You Can Buy Bruce Lee's Old Workout Crap Right Now
Right this very minute, you can navigate to a website and place a bid for a chance to own an authentic old jumprope or dirty pair of sneakers or even a punching bag, punched by the actual fists of Bruce Lee.
Crossfit Is Super Libertarian, Cool
Crossfit is an exercise program with pluses and minuses. On the plus side, it really will get you in good shape. On the minus side, its adherents sometimes resemble intolerably intense cultists, and also, it turns out, it's run by extreme libertarians who enjoy sharing pro-capitalist philosophies, to go with your…
Taking the Stairs Will Not Get You in Shape
Having failed to curb soda cup sizes, NYC mayor Mike Bloomberg has a new public health initiative: he is working to convince New Yorkers to take the stairs. This will accomplish nothing.
Should Atheists Be Allowed to Do Yoga?
Last week, a California judge ruled that a school district could teach yoga, despite objections from parents that it amounted to promoting an "Eastern religion." Now, one provocative columnist raises an even more alarming yoga issue: godless Western atheists are sullying yoga's holiness, by doing it (yoga).
