On the real estate front, there's good news, and bad news. The bad news is you can't afford Manhattan. The good news is that Brooklyn is—oh. Hm. Well, the good news is that Queens is—oh. Shit. Uhhh....

Although the rent on Manhattan apartments is far too expensive for you to afford, look on the bright side: the prospect of buying a Manhattan apartment is also a laughable dream that recedes ever farther from the realm of possibility (for you).

The US Department of Education has a handy new website that allows you to easily compare the prices of all types of colleges in America. Its real purpose is to keep us up-to-date on who to make fun of.

NYU spent four years and $120 million to tear up Mercer Street and install its new, eco-friendly subterranean power plant. Too bad it's currently on fire.

The Wall Street Journal offers the world's best coverage of banana museums. But we wouldn't pay $600,000 for it! The WSJ jacked up the price it's charging the White House's news clipping service to $600,000! Not gonna happen.

One heavily tattooed L.E.S. bike messenger lost a bike belonging to his roommate, another heavily tattooed L.E.S. bike messenger. Solution: Judge Judy. Sir, you paid how much for that bike? On what planet, sir? [BBNYC via City Room]

Artist of our age Damien Hirst must have a busy schedule, what with all the shark embalming and gluing little diamonds onto skulls and bidding on white truffles. But he's determined to make sure that his art remains within reach of the common people, who wear jeans and patronize over-the-top art world events. So he…

As part of its brave new plan to stop hemorrhaging money, Starbucks went out and bought a company called Clover that makes coffee machines. These Clovers cost $11,000 each, and brew one cup of coffee at a time. We're not math whizzes or anything, but at that rate, those better be some good fucking cups of coffee. So…