Okay, sorry, this post probably should have been tagged "NSFW" due to the large image of an old man's melting face. But let's move beyond courtesies: Was Ron Paul's eyebrow collapsing during Tuesday's debate? This image appears to show a fake eyebrow just stone cold fallin' off.

Following the U.S. Army's establishment of a wuss workout program and, more broadly, the year-long erosion of American masculinity, it's little wonder that our nation's fighting forces are now more concerned with eyebrow grooming than with removing the digits of enemy soldiers to bring home as souvenirs. Is America's…

Say it with me, men: "I am proud of my eyebrows. There are many like them, but these eyebrows are mine. I pledge not to pay money to somebody in what is basically a salon (no matter what ridiculous name they may give it) to fuck with my eyebrows. If they get really out of control, well, that's what clippers are for."

Breaking: Andy Rooney is still a nearly unintelligible curmudgeon! Tonight on 60 Minutes, Rooney launched into a random rant about dieting before he declared that he plans to lose 20 lbs. before Halloween. Uh, by shaving his eyebrows? Video inside.

Last week, we learned that sextastic clothing line American Apparel hires and fires employees based on photos, and we shared internal documents detailing their No Uglies Allowed policies. Today, we bring you AA Grooming Standards—male and female.

The Way We Live Now: Misprioritized. We blow our emergency cash on suits. We spend all our time thinking about the lottery. We acquire stress ulcers while our wealth actually grows. Straighten up and fly right—for America.

• Eyebrows are no longer cool, apparently. Time to invest in a new pair of tweezers! [NYT]
• The CFDA and Vogue announced the 2009 Fashion Fund finalists today. [Vogue, Cut]
• Back in May, it was rumored that Stefano Tonchi, editor of the Times' rapidly shrinking T magazine, was heading out the door. Now the rumor…