Wish there were a “dislike” button? Well, damn—you should have wished for something much better. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced today that a “dislike” button is imminent for Facebook, the terrible social network that you hate.

This spring, undergraduate coder and incoming Facebook intern Aran Khanna published a problem with Facebook Messenger, the most popular app on the entire iTunes Store: it was transmitting your location to everyone and you probably had no idea. Instead of rewarding his vigilance, Facebook fired him.

Jared Fogle, former owner of giant pants and disgraced Subway spokesman, is now implicated in a child pornography ring and accused of trying to fuck at least one local high school child. But on the Subway Facebook page, it’s business as usual.

Privacy advocate Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla are proud to announce that they are pregnant with Earth’s newest mega-heiress.

Earlier this week, rainbow-faced Facebook users everywhere went into a state of panic over the fact that Facebook “didn’t deny” tracking who was using its new “Celebrate Pride” tool. Panic at the idea that a powerful multibillion-dollar corporation is tracking certain of your behaviors is totally natural, obviously.…

Facebook Messenger is the single most popular app in the entire iTunes store. Millions of people now use it on their phones instead of SMS, which means that millions of people have been letting Facebook tap their exact locations whenever they chat. Who needs the NSA?

Fraternities and sororities serve a very worthwhile social purpose by sorting young Americans into handy stereotypes that will aid you in avoiding them during college. But some Greek undergrads think they get a bad rap, and are acting like jerks on Facebook to fix that.

This is the day that the New York Times, National Geographic, and BuzzFeed, among others, began publishing stories directly to Facebook. The instant-publishing partnership is the newest concession to, or accommodation with, Facebook’s ever-greater dominance of how people encounter and read (or watch) material.

The habitual scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed—alone on your computer late at night; on your phone while standing in line for coffee; right now, at your desk at work—is among the worst learned behaviors of the last 10 years.

Sheryl Sandberg’s husband Dave Goldberg has died suddenly, according to a post on Facebook written by his brother Robert. Dave’s Facebook profile has been converted to a memorial page.

Has this magnificently corny PSA graced your Facebook newsfeed lately? Inspirational rock music. Dejected kids pulling stickers from their shirts, revealing words like "revolutionary" and "healer" underneath. A title card: "Stop psychiatric labeling of kids." You've got the Church of Scientology to thank.

Further cementing Facebook's present-day role as a center for old, angry people to congregate, a New York City judge declared Facebook messages a perfectly acceptable venue for filing divorce papers.

Facebook, a dull and endlessly scrolling record of personal propaganda and content headlined in two or more sentences, isn't satisfied with the way its 1.4 billion users (most non-sentient) consume the news. According to the New York Times, it takes an epic eight seconds for the average Joe Facebook User to load an…

Facebook just attempted to clarify what you are and are not allowed to share on Facebook without getting your account shut down. The company has gotten some bad press for treating a painting of a nude woman (art, man) the same way it treats hardcore pornography, and in a new blog post that absolutely nobody will read,…

A man currently on trial for defrauding Facebook apparently planned his escape for months, talking a judge into unfreezing some of his assets before cutting off his ankle GPS bracelet and escaping into the great unknown (upstate New York.)

Andrew Dale Marcum was featured on the Butler County Sheriff's Office Facebook as wanted for multiple charges. Marcum, an unwise man, commented, "I ain't tripping half of them don't even know me." No one knows what he meant.