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The Onion Said To Be Negotiating Sale
How The Onion Will Sell Out

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TedSez
07/14/09

In reply to The Onion Said To Be Negotiating Sale
Local Man Purchases Fake-News Operation

"This is a terrible time to be in the news business," said Arthur J. Marsinning Jr., who recently purchased The Onion for an undisclosed sum said to be north of $14,000. "Therefore, it stands to reason that this is an excellent time to be in the fake-news business."

Marsinning plans to combine staff and facilities with those of his current company, Wackee Novelties Inc., which manufactures party favors such as Blaat! brand artificial throw-up and Whoopsy-Poop brand artificial dog-doo. "If information-gathering is anything like disgusting-substances production," he added, "then I'm pretty sure that the fake kind will not only smell better, but be far more profitable, too."
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Edited by TedSez at 07/14/09 8:52 PM TedSez was starred TedSez was unstarred

lobstr
07/14/09

@TedSez: hah, nice. ...'cept they've become known for their use of "Area Man"
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TedSez
07/14/09

@lobstr: Darn, you're right. Too late for the edit function, though.
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RudolphLemming
07/10/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
The unassimilated advertisements would still always be the butt of the joke when placed within The Onion. It doesn't seem they plan to alter their attitude to attract more lucrative marketers. I don't think the integrity of the paper would be compromised by allowing space for corporate imperialist megaplex X to advertise, it would just fall in route of "any exposure is good exposure" as they knowingly or not place their ads in a periodical that inherently mocks their products/services. Any veteran reader would be laughing at these moneypot placements from two pages away. I am willing to put up with more eyesores to keep the charade going. More articles about advertisements and junk mail wasting trees, please.
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wertherian
07/10/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
Laying off 5 people definitely must be sad, but what about all the good people @ the onion that left or got forced out when the CEO arbitrarily decided the entire company (aside from editorial, natch) had to pick up sticks and move from NYC to Chicago for no reason?
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SpyMagician
07/10/09

@wertherian: Seems like hey have a history of doing that regardless of old-bad owners or new-good owners. That invisible hand can really stick it to one at times.
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Mo MoDo
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
You do product placements ala 30 Rock and mock the fact that you have sold your soul.
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haikumaster
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
Maybe it's just that /
people are really tired of /
their jejune satire
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Edited by haikumaster at 07/09/09 4:54 PM haikumaster was starred haikumaster was unstarred

Nick Denton
07/10/09

@haikumaster: I've always admired the confident use of "jenune."
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cockfightbarmitzvah
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
Well shiiiiiat. This local man intends to pick up a copy of the Onion in NYC tonight and patronize as many of their advertisers as possible over the weekend.
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SarahHeartburn
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
How about they get funnier? The news videos are often brilliant, but the stories are getting lamer. I think they peaked with "Holy Fucking Shit, America Under Attack"
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maevemealone
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
As long as they don't cut their softball team. We beat them every time.
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johnnypotatoes
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
Because of the usual PR weaselspeak in that memo, I guess I don't get it. Does that mean that AV will give positive reviews to bad movies advertised in the paper? That the fake news stories won't make fun of advertisers? What does "desires don't exactly match your wishes" mean? What does "do it in a smart way" mean? Do WHAT in a smart way, and what is "smart?

This drone might as well have written the memo an Arabic.
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SpyMagician
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
I knew something was up. If you check their contact page:
http://www.theonion.com/content/contact_us

There are two big "tells" that something like this was coming. First, they are publicly listing their public relations agency which is something they have never done before. Second, the staff for the online video arm "Onion News Network" is now clearly overshadowing the dead-trees editorial staff.

Paradigm shift.
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urbororr
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
Did anybody suspect the "J.D. Salinger Loves Terminator" article was an integrated advertorial? It just didn't make sense, since the movie blew, and there wasn't really an angle that Salinger was acting adolescent...he even says T3 sucked (both of them sucked). I thought maybe after the glowing Star Trek video, they got "creative."
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lobstr
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
Living in a city that does not carry a print edition of The Onion (and for about 4 years in the beginning being oblivious that they even had a print edition), I have really always thought of The Onion as an autonomous website as opposed to thinking it to be a website of a print publication.

I can't imagine the print edition being so necessary in their business model that they would suffer too much if they did away with print altogether. The website has always been huge, and the overhead of keeping that afloat has to be pretty minimal.

Having said that, I am very curious to know what kind of retarded advertiser desires they had to deliberate over.

Leaked emails from Onion creative dealing with horrible PR devils, please... :[]
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Go Like Hell Machine
07/09/09

@lobstr: I think you're probably right, outside of Denver. Here, however, I simply can't imagine going to a bar and not having a copy of it to snicker at while getting snockered.
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lil red
07/09/09

@lobstr: Yeah, I think you are right, they probably could do away with print. I picked up a copy the other day and the person I was with thought I was stealing it, because I didn't pay for it-so...even in the cities that have it out free on display, many have the idea that you have to buy it and don't bother to pick it up.
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snugbug
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
At least Hannah has the balls to put this in writing, in a memo that he most likely knew would be leaked and mocked. Not whisper it under his breath to his charges at an impromptu editorial meet held in the hallway between the offices and the restrooms. I, for one, applaud his courage. While simultaneously booing his sh*tty standards.
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WordyNinja
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
Oh, those Onion guys with their fake memo gags and layoff punchlines!! I suspect this whole "economic crisis" is one of their intricate pranks.
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Aaron Altman
07/09/09

In reply to How The Onion Will Sell Out
"Onion Peels, And No One Cries"
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