Glenn Beck would never be stupid enough to run for office for these reasons:
1) The hemmorhoid surgery meltdown, the substance abuse problems, all that stuff will get dragged out ad nauseum once he steps into the real public arena of a political race. He will get dragged so far through the mud he'll never recover.
2) If he actually gets elected he'd have to deliver on some of the crazy shit he pretends to believe in.
Muffley: How long would you have to stay down there?
Strangelove: Well let's see now ah, cobalt thorium, aa... nn... Radioactive halflife of uh,... hmm.. I would think that uh... possibly uh... one hundred years.
Muffley: You mean, people could actually stay down there for a hundred years?
Strangelove: It would not be difficult mein Fuhrer!
I don't see why everyone is being so skeptical here about Glenn Beck seeing through his 100-year-plan. Obviously, part of Beck's plan is to not die. It's not like he's a charlatan slowly realizing his brand is in need of a new way of monetizing itself due to a lack of advertisers or something.
Good news, everyone! With my 100-year plan, I'll never have to actually deliver on any of my schemes! It'll be your children that have to sort through the detritus of the failed Beck prophecies, and I'll be long dead by then--also, buried beneath a gigantic golden sculpture of my own pudgy face!
I think the first iteration of this movement was much more stirring, original and effective. Fueled by classic idioms like Work Shall Set You Free, We Need Breathing Room and Lightning War, they set loins a-quivering so much better. To say nothing of their far superior costume designers.
It's comparing fresh-squeezed to Tang, really.
@sarrible: Zing! There was a post this week on Gawker about a pill for female arousal, and they quoted a male doctor as saying it was unnecessary, because lack of desire is natural as women get older. (Oh, the irony.) Oh, and some health insurance covers Viagra, but not contraception. Bring on the babies! Just don't expect us to feed, clothe or shelter them.
@Lysergic Asset: Yeah, I couldn't find the energy to muster up a "fuck you" for that doctor when the post ran. Although now I'd like to say that I hope his dick rots and falls off.
If Beck is so damn patriotic, why doesn't he do something really spectacular, like catapult himself into space with 4 roman candles jammed up his hoo-ha?
"His entire multimedia empire is predicated on one, long, 100-year plot arc: that the main character will make viewers'/listeners'/readers' lives better so long as they're with him every step of the way. The man will make references to revolution, to change, to bringing everything back to a fundamental state."
Do the Scientologists know Glenn Beck is stealing from them so flagrantly? Launch Tommy Davis! Tommy Davis v. Glenn Beck, for my amusement!
11/22/09
11/22/09
1) The hemmorhoid surgery meltdown, the substance abuse problems, all that stuff will get dragged out ad nauseum once he steps into the real public arena of a political race. He will get dragged so far through the mud he'll never recover.
2) If he actually gets elected he'd have to deliver on some of the crazy shit he pretends to believe in.
3) There's no money in being an elected official.
11/22/09
Strangelove: Well let's see now ah, cobalt thorium, aa... nn... Radioactive halflife of uh,... hmm.. I would think that uh... possibly uh... one hundred years.
Muffley: You mean, people could actually stay down there for a hundred years?
Strangelove: It would not be difficult mein Fuhrer!
[mineshaftgap.net]
11/22/09
11/22/09
11/22/09
@braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.: Mini Glenn! oh the horror...
11/21/09
This should be the answer to pretty much anything a GOP politician says: "We call those cults"
11/21/09
11/21/09
11/21/09
11/21/09
1) Jump into fire.
11/21/09
11/21/09
11/21/09
It's comparing fresh-squeezed to Tang, really.
11/21/09
11/21/09
Whoa, so Beck is pro-choice and in favor of letting any consenting adult marry? I might have to rethink this guy!
11/21/09
11/21/09
11/21/09
#tips
11/21/09
11/21/09
I have a match.
11/21/09
11/21/09
Do the Scientologists know Glenn Beck is stealing from them so flagrantly? Launch Tommy Davis! Tommy Davis v. Glenn Beck, for my amusement!