When you're trapped in an elevator with an inconsolable monster, at what point do you begin wondering whether you've died and been sent to some especially cruel hell? Is it when he repeatedly rings the emergency bell, or starts loudly singing Metallica, or when he tells the woman trying to help to suck his cock?

Candice is a 31-year-old New Yorker. She met a nice lawyer at a bar and agreed to see The Avengers with him. When she arrived for the date, he was wearing a fedora. The date did not go well.

According to Utah Senator Orrin Hatch, "President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for the hipster fedora and a double skim latte." Fair enough. [tips hipster fedora and raises double skim latte toward Hatch in recognition]