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Allen Stanford
Noble Cricket Patron Indicted in Big Mix-Up
Cricket-loving billionaire Allen Stanford, dubbed "Mini-Madoff" by hypemongers like us after allegedly scamming $8 billion from investors in a Ponzi scheme, has finally been indicted. He surrendered to the Feds late yesterday. Of course, he is innocent. More » -
finance
Obama Set to Announce Wall Street Regulatory Overhaul
In an effort to prevent some of the events that led to the financial crisis in the future, the White House will unveil a sweeping overhaul of the nation's financial regulatory system tomorrow. Suck it Wall Street! More » -
mo money mo problems
Kiss The Ring: Bank Of America Takes Mercy On Their Pitiful, Ant-Like, Broke Customers
The seemingly-populist, very evil Bank of America is a hive of rat bastards, and anyone that's ever done any kind of business with them will understand this sentiment. But they're now taking mercy on their sad, recession-hit customers. More » -
jobs
Bankers vs. Spies: A Lifestyle Comparison
The CIA is looking to hire a few good former hedge funders and investment bankers to put their "skills" to use on behalf of the USA. But could I-bankers really stand the rigors of the CIA lifestyle? Let's compare: More » -
fecal matters
Merrill Lynch Employees Pooping All Over Office Again
In January of 2008 a disgruntled Merrill Lynch employee, outraged over his bonus, took a crap on the floor, stomped in it, and proceeded to track it around the office. Now it's apparently happened again. More » -
newspapers
Who Will Save the NYT From its Saviors?
So far the possible financial saviors of the New York Times are a shady Mexican billionaire, a shady Hollywood billionaire, and a plan to give free t-shirts to anyone who donates. Anyone see a problem? More » -
recessionomics
Nowhere Left to Hide Your Money (If You Have Any)
The Way We Live Now: Trapped by our dwindling wealth. Wherefore the rich? Europe is facing a bad recession. Overseas tax havens are being shut down. And Wall Street traders just sit around watching DVDs. More » -
recessionomics
Pig Soup For The Soul
The Way We Live Now: Panicky! Swine flu is happening so sell your stocks, for some reason! Japan is shrinking! The good grocery store went out of business! Where will we buy our 'Recession soup?' More » -
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recessionomics
Destitute Antelopes Looking for Crime Partners
The Way We Live Now: Fleeing the police, on foot. Who can afford cars? Let them all go bankrupt. All we need for our ATM robberies are a crowbar and a laid-off blesbok, for distraction. More » -
updates
Freddie Mac Wanted Suicide CFO To Relax
David Kellerman, the Freddie Mac CFO who committed suicide this week, was told by HR to take some time off from work, shortly before he killed himself. The "job stress" scenario looks ever more likely. More » -
trendwatch
Laid-Off Finance Guys Bringing Some Order to This Whole 'Homemaking' Thing
Men who were problem-solving machines in finance have been laid off, and are now forced to do "family" activities. Silver lining: finally some dudes with real smarts to clean up these "PTA meetings" and shit! More » -
updates
Freddie Mac Suicide CFO's Stressful Career
The media's had a good half day now to find out more about David Kellerman, the Freddie Mac CFO who committed suicide early this morning. He hung himself. The "job stress" scenario is looking plausible: More » -
death
Chief Financial Officer of Freddie Mac Commits Suicide
David Kellerman, the chief financial officer of money-bleeding mortgage firm Freddie Mac, was found dead in his Virginia home this morning. He'd apparently committed suicide. The financial crisis would be one obvious possible motive.
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denials
'Allen Stanford Has Set Out to Defraud...No One'
Mini-Madoff Allen Stanford, charged with Ponzi scheming his investors out of $8 billion, denies everything. He's a patsy! And so nervous that he just says random words that he thinks may form a denial-like statement: More » -
recessionomics
Big Banks Are Back!
Break out the bubbly and bring back the bottle service, because the huge banks that nearly collapsed on themselves in a terrifying Domino Effect of Financial Doom are back in the black, baby! More » -
internal memos
Can Marc Ecko Pay His Rent? (Updated)
Last month it was widely reported that free-spending, once-cool designer Marc Ecko's empire was on the verge of bankruptcy. Today, we scored an internal memo from Ecko (kind of) reassuring his employees. And another rumor! More » -
recessionomics
America's Having a Trillion-Dollar Sale
The slack economy is costing America more than $1 trillion per year in lost output. But there's an upside: Great deals, on everything! More » -
classic ads
Drink Your Bitters: AIG's Ads From the Good Old Days
You know what you don't see much any more? Those supremely reassuring AIG TV commercials. They've disappeared, for some reason. Luckily astute (and bitter) people have preserved them on the internet! More » -
money matters
Investor Saves American Apparel From Financial Doom
You might think that American Apparel would thrive in the recession, with their affordable clothes and dirtbag-embracing ads. But you'd be wrong, since an investor just rescued them from defaulting on a loan. More » -
solutions
"Banks That Spent the Most on TV Ads Performed the Best." Crisis: Solved.
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revenge
Elie Wiesel is Pissed
Elie Wiesel, author, survivor, voice of morality, expert on evil, has found someone he'd like locked up and tortured for crimes against humanity: Bernie Madoff, who took all his money. More » -
recessionomics
Poor Annie Leibovitz Has Pawned All Her Photos
We knew that celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz had some serious financial problems. But we didn't know they were so bad that she had to sign over all of her photos to a pawn shop:
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Crazy notions
The Daily Beast Trying to Make Money?
What's this, Tina Brown's internet project The Daily Beast is trying to get a business model? I thought it was all just for kicks! Nevertheless, the Beast is considering selling some "advertisements." While staying pure: More » -
field guide
How to Write Fake Recession Trend Stories
Is the bad economy a turn-on, or a turn-off? With a fake recession trend story, either can be true! Just study this easy guide to manufacturing trends in these tough times. Everybody's doing it: More » -
media
The
This is the year of new ideas for saving newspapers! Unfortunately, the main solutions seem to be plagued the one thing that led most people into journalism in the first place: lack of math skills. More »BadNew Math of Saving Newspapers -
the end
Fact-Checking Today's Apocalyptic Market Crash
"Reinhardt," the internet conspiracy theorist who correctly predicted the crash of 2008, warned us that it was "100% sure thing market begins huge downfall" on February 9, 2009. That's today! How'd that one hold up?
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newspapers
New York Times Doing Just Fine, Reports New York Times
Today the NYT takes a crack at reporting on its own finances. But an editor accidentally titles it "Resilient Strategy for Times Despite Toll of a Recession," rather than "A Laundry List of Horrible Mistakes": More » -
journalismism
Marketwatch Recommends: Do Whatever You Want
Most popular story on Marketwatch right now: Why it's a bad idea to buy a home. #2 story: Why it's a good idea to buy a home. Written by: the same reporter. Americans: suckers. -
trophy lives
Help the 'Dating a Banker' Girls Name Their Horrible Book
Those gold-digging "DABA" girls, the ones who're complaining about their impotent, newly-out-of-work banker boyfriends in the New York Times, have become overnight successes. All by themselves! They've gone and snagged a book deal. More » -
money matters
New York Times Finances: A Bleak Pit of Despair
The New York Times Co. released its fourth quarter financial results this morning. They are bad, bad, bad, and apparently without any upside on any front anywhere. Observe: More » -
dating
Fashion Meets Finance, Is Bored
How was the hellish "Fashion Meets Finance" gold-diggers-meet-broken-men dating event last night? The New York Press' Matt Harvey went to find out! And apparently found an Andre Sparkling Wine commercial, circa 1998: More » -
liz claman
Friendly Reporter With Small Vocabulary Finds Home At Fox Biz
Nobody watches Fox Business Network, but that doesn't stop them from landing the best business journalists in the game. Like Liz Claman, who split from CNBC because they used too many fancy "business" words: More » -
media
2009 Adpocalypse Kicks Off On Schedule
Good morning sunshine! It's January, which means the horrible media advertising apocalypse has now begun. But not to worry, media lovers; it's only affecting every famous book, magazine, and newspaper publisher: More » -
Love Guv
Spitzer Scammed By Madoff Too, Naturally
The foible-filled comeback of Eliot Spitzer continues! It turns out the luv guv—who does know about Wall Street—lost money to hedge fund scammer Bernie Madoff, like everyone else. And it's Slate's fault!: More » -
Bernie Madoff
Wall Street Scammer Said Scams 'Impossible'
The financial sector is heavily and sufficiently regulated! It's a familiar refrain, but last year it was coming from rich-people-ponzi-scheme operator Bernie Madoff, who added that financial criminals were always caught very quickly. More » -
crime
Bernie Madoff's Impossible 'Investment Strategy'
Everybody knows what Bernie Madoff did—hustle a lot of people out of $50 billion. But nobody's really explained how he did it. Now we're finding out his purported "strategy" was obviously fake. More » -
crime
If You Don't Buy This Stock, We'll Kill This Dog
Execs at the National Lampoon are charged with illegally inflating the company's stock price, which leads to a blogger making a predictable joke. Comedy sucks these days. [TheStreet.com] -
rants
Idiot Businessmen, Stop Blaming Goddamned 'Perfect Storms' for Your Incompetence
Oh God SHUT UP: Your company/industry/economy did not fail because of a "perfect storm," a chance, disastrous combination of outside events. It failed because you sucked! More » -
Bernie Madoff
Hedge Fund Hustler Roundup: The Rich Now Poor
Time for an up-to-date roundup on the nifty story of Bernie Madoff, the Wall Street titan accused yesterday of running a $50 billion Ponzi scheme. Bathrobes! Big shots! And plenty of broke Jews, below!
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tribune
Did Blago Help Push Tribune Into Bankruptcy?
Let us not, at this crucial moment, forget how much shit the Tribune Co. is in. Executives at the Tribune Co. are quite literally wading to work today through rivers of bad news—deep, deep rivers. Yesterday they freaking went bankrupt. Today they find themselves smack dab in the middle of Gov. ROD BLAGOJEVICH's outrageous corruption scandal—because gnomish asshole Tribune CEO Sam Zell allegedly agreed in principle to fire a troublesome editorial page editor in exchange for $100 million in state money. Obvious question: Did Blago's corrupt scheme help drive Tribune into bankruptcy? We examine THE FACTS for you below! More »









































