Fidelity Investments knows lots of millionaires, so they were like, "Let's survey them and see how horrible they are." The millionaires came through in a major way. Fidelity's PR team thanks you, you greedy bastards!

God. The worst part about global warming is what it does to prices at your local yuppie coffee shop. Coffee yields are way down in drought-stricken Colombia. Sucks for us! Arabica coffee prices are at a 34-year high. Sucks for us! Global coffee prices are at a 14-year high. Sucks for us!