Just About Everyone's Inspirational Except You
Fitness myths! Crystal diet! Fat marathons! Kiddie runs! Happy Meals! Carnivore cancer! Wine diet! Boxing girls! And your daily inspiration to make you feel ashamed! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—comparatively poorly!
Jillian Michaels' Poor Form Is The Biggest Loser
Marathon knees! Sports psychology! Biggest Loser workouts! Kettlebell ignorance! Football training! Booty fat! And the path to elite eliteness! It's your Wednesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—dismissively, jealously, or, both!
Hardcore Doesn't Come in Powder Form
Pain and fitness! Functional food! Indecision! Horseback yoga! Expensive obesity! Tai chi danger! Protein facts! Too much sweat! And pure inspiration! It's your Tuesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—with a straight face, and back!
The U.S. Army Can Barely Do a Pushup
Drop and give me 20! No? Well, drop and give me ten. Or five. At least try. Yes, have some water. It's your special Army edition of Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—with empathy and understanding!
At David Barton Gym, Everyone Wishes They Were Drunk
Drunk in the gym! Greedy-ass yoga! Ab assistance! Chocolate for your health! Pro athletes without athletics! And the Twitter diet, phase two! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—but not in that skeevy David Barton way!
Slim and Celibate or Stout but Turned Out?
Sex vs. dieting! Childhood obesity debates! Bamboo bikes! Genius t-shirts! Swimming while criminal! And an easy way to beat anger, for stupid jerks! It's your Thursday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—while ignoring our own!
If You Aren't Sweating Then You Might as Well Be Dying
Plus-size madness! Dorky yogis! Socializing for health! Dangerous bats! Unhealthy vegans! And hardcore hotness! It's your Thursday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—while staying hydrated!
All the Fitness Advice You'll Ever Need
Heart attack triathlons! EZ-fix knees! Swimming keeps you alive! Fat mixing! Fitness cruise! Post-baby bodies! And the only weightlifting tips you'll ever need to watch! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—while sipping opium-laced lard juice!
Exercise Makes You Smarter (About Exercise)
Denver's mayor takes the stairs! Full Figured Fashionistas have nice hair! Fat TV shows, there and there! Calorie knowledge is rare! Exercise is mental flair! It's your Wednesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—from our airy lair!
If Nutritional Supplements Killed You, You'd Have to Laugh at the Irony
Recession health! Exercise sleep! Executive workouts! Cornhole fever! And tainted supplements poisoning you from the inside out, ironically! It's your Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—while shopping for creatine, mmm!
What You Eat Will Kill You Soon
Horse therapy! Lettuce addicts! Healthy men! Bodega diets! Church workouts! Nursery cake! Food mockery! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—while snacking voraciously!

