This Valentine's Day, Show Your Love By Ignoring Valentine's Day

With dull eyes and open mouths, they crowd the streets and fill the restaurants. Some are teenagers, some are straight, some are gay, and far too many are married adults who would usually be found at home watching the television at night. They are the zombies of St. Valentine's Day, and they're just as miserable as…
Scientists Messing Around With Stuff So We Can Have Flowers in the Winter and Fresh Bread Forever
As you experience the seasons, if you live in a place with such things, the greenery tends to adapt and change with the temperature and climate. Sometimes there are delightful little flowers, sometimes there is withering heat, sometimes there is crazy snow and you can make fun little shelters and play in the street.…
The Social Media Director for FTD Flowers Is Having a Valentine's Day From Hell
Flower delivery services are having their busiest day of the year, I'd imagine. They are, after all, the last minute option for uncreative/forgetful spouses. These companies are also, based on personal experience, on par with Delta as far as terrible service is concerned. Judging from the Twitter feed for FTD Flowers,…
Beloved Leader Kim Jong-Il's Flower Is World's Best Flower, Say Unbiased Experts
His magisterial highness the beloved democratic leader KIM JONG-UN today happily ruled over the smiling people's kingdom of the DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF KOREA, where great tributes and praise for the beloved memory of the late heroic kindly leader of the people in perpetuity KIM JONG-IL, father of beloved…
Madonna's Bitchy Brilliant Fake Apology to Hydrangeas
For those who missed it (or don't have any gays in their Facebook feed to post it), a video of Madonna rolling her eyes at a gift of hydrangeas went viral last week. She responds to the controversy with a new film, and it's her best work since Like a Virgin.
The Cold, Though: Doesn't It Split the Cheechakos From the Sourdoughs?
[This is what 10 p.m. looks like at Cook Inlet in Alaska, about 27 miles south of Anchorage. Bet it's not 100 degrees there, either. Pic via AP]
May Flowers
[Britain's Chelsea Flower Show —"a pinnacle of gardening and a highlight of the London calendar"—ended Tuesday, with a Mediterranean-themed plot by gardener Andy Sturgeon winning Best in Show. Scalpers sold tickets for twice their face value. Pic via Getty.]
Heroic Customs Agents Confiscate Pistils
[Two agricultural specialist agents from Customs and Border Protection inspected roses in advance of Mother's Day, which is surpassed only by Valentine's Day in the amount of money wasted on pretty plants. Pic via Getty]
Local California Government Wants to Keep Garlic Plants Because They Keep the Vampires Away
Lawndale, California has quite a pungent issue at hand—garlic flowers. The city planted them eight years ago to keep vampires away and now are discussing paying thousands of dollars to remove them. Why? KTLA investigates.
