Gawker: fnff

Fox News On Travis the Chimp: 'Maybe He's Got a Really Big Dick'

Richard Lawson — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:00:24 EST

Last night Red Eye was talking about Travis the Chimp—who was shot and killed after eating a lady's face—wondering why his crazy owner spent so much time with him. One guest figured he was well-endowed.

My Favoritest Bushism

Richard Lawson — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 18:46:37 EST

Of all the silly (and, at this point, pretty cliche) George W. Bushisms—his malapropisms, his infamous stumbles in syntax—one stands out for me as my absolute favorite. It's a surreal delight:

People say, 'How can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil?' You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you.

—Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

It's just so magically strange. The image of walking into a shut-in's house and whispering gravely "I love you," then turning around and leaving. Perfect! And, now that the long national nightmare is basically at an end, I think we can laugh a little less bitterly about his wacky turns of phrase. (Well, sort of.) What's your favorite?

Arianna Huffington Explains What a Blog is For the Very Old and Very Slow

Sheila — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 18:48:42 EST

This video of blogmistress Arianna Huffington explaining to Charlie Rose "how blogs work" in her ominous Greek accent is like a dada performance art. There's no way this is real. It's like the blind leading the blind. God, I wish I was stoned right now. What is a link? Why, in Arianna's world, it's "a magical thing."

Meghan McCain is a Punk Rocker

Sheila — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 18:30:33 EDT

McCain daughter Meghan: she blogs, she's threatened to get a tattoo, and now she's declaring herself punk as fuck when asked about her friendship with Linda Ramone, wife of Johnny from the Ramones—the band whose punk-rock ethics were offset by some of its members' kneejerk Queens-bred working class Republicanism.

Howard Stern Questions Marsha Brady About Her History of Anal Sex

ian spiegelman — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:57:01 EDT

Once again Howard Stern is fulfilling his mission of delving deeply into the sex lives of our childhood—and more recent—crushes. On the hot seat for tonight's installment of Stern's On Demand show is none other than Marsha Brady, nee Maureen McCormick. As one of the top five teen idols of the late 60's and early 70's, there is one crucial thing the world needs to know about McCormick: Has she had anal? She has! But does she like it? Folks on both sides of the issue are going to have to rework their Marsha Brady fantasies. Clip after the jump.

Also? 34 years after The Brady Bunch went off the air and she is still so amazingly hot! And that's not just nostalgia talking.

What's Your Depression Playlist?

ian spiegelman — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:15:39 EDT

A tipster wonders what music Gawker readers are turning to now that our economic world has drawn to a close. So let's have it. What are your top music choices for enduring this thing? Oh, and the image at left? Just getting you primed for the only tried and true method of solving global collapse—a world fucking war, people! C'mon, it won't be that bad! Russia will fight itself. Who cares about Middle East? And China's space program is garbage, so their missiles probably won't get anywhere near us. Plus, their Air Force has nothing that can stay in the air against our F-35 Joint Strike Fighter. So we'll be fine! In the meantime, what music are you listening to? My picks after the jump.

Genius Harry Shearer Gets in on Sarah Palin Clusterfuck

ian spiegelman — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:26:24 EDT

Comedy goddess Tina Fey isn't the only funnylady who can pull off a mean Sarah Palin imitation. Harry Shearer—of The Simpsons, This is Spinal Tap, SNL's male synchronized swimming movie, and just about every other funny thing in the last 30 years—has just written and posted this fun song, "Bridge to Nowhere." It stars his wife, actress Judith Owen, whose Palin is spot-on and will make you eat the nearest hunk of rusted iron when you reflect that they are singing about a real candidate for a real fucking office. And try not to remember that John McCain will probably die in office when you watch this, coz that lessens the funny. Update: God you guys are hard to please! Now there's video of drunk-ass monkeys after the jump!!

Monkey Menace Panders to McCain/Palin Crowd

ian spiegelman — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 19:52:18 EDT

The damned moneys. Despite the warnings, the hundreds and hundreds of warnings, everyone insists on treating these near-human masterminds of evil as being just like us! After all, they can handle firearms, but they are also breeding with our innocent pigs. Now that John McCain and scandal-bot Sarah Palin are wooing the family values crowd—while forcing that crowd to disown everything they every said—the monkeys have found a way into the heart of the Christian Right. The little wicked creatures are MARRYING!

MAYBE the dress wasn’t the right size, or perhaps it was the grey and gloomy weather - but these two monkeys don’t seem over-the-moon after being married in China.

The downcast-looking pair tied the knot in a special wedding ceremony at their zoo.

The monkeys - who live in Wenling, Zhejiang province - are seven-year-old male monkey Wukong and a six-year-old female named Xiaoya.

The widlife park organised the wedding in the hope of attracting more visitors, local media reported.

But the controversial stunt is bound to upset animal rights groups in a country famed for being cruel to animals. Back in 2006 a Shanghai zoo cancelled a show dubbed the ‘Animal Olympics’ following accusations of cruelty from animal welfare groups. [Nation.com.pk]