Marco Rubio Please Fuck Up My Football Team
For most of you, the day Marco Rubio dropped out of the Republican presidential race is the same day he disappeared from your life, perhaps forever. The same may not be true for me.
Tim Tebow Is a Threat to Run
While standing on a golf course and wearing a ridiculous hat this week, former good college-level quarterback Tim Tebow told Fox News that the idea of running for office is “intriguing” to him.
Here's an Intriguing Fan Theory About What Time the Super Bowl Is
This February, as every February, the football fandom community is awhirl with speculation about the timing of the Super Bowl. The NFL has dropped a breadcrumb trail of clues in the promotional campaign leading up to Sunday’s big game, and plenty of football fans think they know exactly when kickoff will happen.
School District Tells Football Coach to Stop Public Prayers, Coach Doesn't, Guess What Happens
An assistant high school football coach in Bremerton, Wash. became the center of a national controversy after school district officials asked him to stop leading public Christian prayers on the 50-yard line after games and Fox News got ahold of the story. Coach Joe Kennedy did not stop the prayers, and guess what?…
Alex Rodriguez Can't Throw a Football To Save His Life
Different balls have different weights, Alex Rodriguez learned on Sunday.
Republican Candidates Compete For Racist Hick Demographic
The real ideological battle in the Republican primary will not be over taxes, or foreign policy, or immigration. Rather, it is a contest to find who will capture the valuable “Racist Hick Football Fan” demographic.
Idiots Running College Paid Football Guy $170K to Talk Dumbly
After weeks of public records requests by the Boston Globe, Massachusetts’ Salem State University has disclosed the fact that it paid $170,000 to good looking football guy Tom Brady to come talk on its campus.
Allen West Thinks School-Sponsored Prayer Will Stop Football Injuries
Disgraced Floridian and former congressman Allen West took some time recently to address a Texas conservative group about the dangers of separating church and state—dangers like grievous football injuries, specifically. But thankfully, that ain’t nothing a little prayer can’t fix.
Semi-Pro Soccer Player Fired for Fucking in the Dugout While in Uniform
Jay Hart, a striker for semi-pro British soccer team Clitheroe, was cut from the squad after he was caught on video having sex with a fan in the dugout while still wearing his team warmups, the Mirror reports. The incident took place after an away game versus Mossley AFC. Every detail reported is more embarrassing…
Lord Nelson, Former Football Star, Professor, Cop, Horse, Dead at 42
Lord Nelson, a horse who was also a Rutgers professor and a former cop, died Sunday. He was 42.
What to Yell During the Super Bowl
Not sure what things to yell during Sunday's Super Bowl match between the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks? Here are a few ideas so you don't look stupid or uninformed in front of your close sports compatriots.
"They Should Never Ban Cheese": Man Responds to Seattle-Area Cheese Ban
A Seattle suburb has "banned cheese" in advance of Sunday's NFC Championship game between the Seattle Seahawks and the Green Bay Packers. In response to this assault on food, one man bravely spoke out: "They should never ban cheese." Amen, brother.
Seven Hospitalized After Lightning Strikes Stadium Parking Lot
On Sunday, paramedics took seven football fans to the hospital after lightning struck a parking lot outside of Raymond James Stadium in Tampa.
A five-year-old boy who heard that the University of Alabama-Birmingham was canceling its football program sent his entire $1 allowance to the school to try to save it. That's not nearly enough—his useless gesture was a failure.
Hero Bro Sings Into Goose
Listen, it's been a dark Sunday and sometimes a little levity is necessary. At a Miami-Virginia game on Saturday, a dude who was super amped about football, Journey, and geese (some might call it the holy trinity of Getting Amped), used his plastic friend as a microphone. What's that you say? You are feeling…
Groundbreaking Research Suggests That Women Buy Football Jerseys
Football season brings many things: a renewed interest in processed cheese, overt excitement over grown men concussing themselves, and drinking on Monday nights. But have you asked yourself what it means for the ladies? One experiment in basic data journalism has determined the mind-blowing answer, and it will…
University Bans Soccer Team From Wearing PornHub Jerseys
England's University of Kent has dashed an intramural soccer team's dream of a sponsorship from PornHub, one of the biggest streaming porn sites in the many-tentacled MindGeek empire, and ordered the players to stop wearing their PornHub jerseys immediately.
High School Football Team Investigated For Alleged Balls-in-Face Hazing
Amid raunchy football-hazing controversies at high schools in Sayreville, N.J. and Doylestown, Pa., a third Northeastern high school has had to launch an investigation into its team because its players couldn't keep their genitals away from each other.
Sayreville High School Football Coaches Suspended With Pay
Several football coaches at Sayreville War Memorial High School in N.J. have been suspended with pay in response to a sexual assault hazing scandal that was unveiled in the beginning of October. Many of the coaches were also teachers at the high school.
Seven Charged in NJ High School Football Team Hazing
Seven students at New Jersey's Sayreville War Memorial High School have been charged with sex crimes in an investigation into the high school football team's hazing.
