It's a sure sign a movie is going to tank when there's not really anything to make fun of, at least not if you haven't seen it. It's not a new idea to showbiz: You gotta get a gimmick. Hobbits, gay cowboys, psychopaths with bowlcuts, female boxers, Beyonce - all of those are ridiculous enough to grab a piece of the public's attention even if only as a punchline. This might be a great film, a really poignant portrayal of dynamic characters in a unique place. Until you have a gigantic diamond, a great pair of tits, and a slightly androgynous teen heart-throb dressing the window it's hard to convince people to look inside.
In other words, there needs to be something controversial, something that might make your mother uncomfortable, something that feels spontaneous, as though it's producing the culture rather than responding to it. There's nothing controversial about either Kidman or Jackman. I don't mean they need to behave badly and get negative press. I mean they need to have a few strong thoughts in their heads, thoughts that can be disagreed with or passionately defended, and they need to bring these thoughts into their work. Yes it makes you vulnerable and liable to mess up pretty badly if you aren't careful. Protecting against mess-ups results in blandness.
And blandness - or rather the perception of it, which is far more damaging - is what is killing this movie. Baz Luhrmann wrote a love letter to a country? Ok, I read love letters on blogs every day. They bore me unless I intimately know the parties involved. So either cast people who are fearless enough to be intimate with the public at large or else find a way to make your story bump it with a trumpet.
It's not about being "deep" or even about being good. It's about being entertaining. Passion, although wildly attractive, is not actually entertaining all on its own. Sad for Luhrmann and his investors. But dude, if you want to be applauded for your passion, write a poem. If you want to make a movie that people will go see, stop worrying about applause and start worrying about interest. The stripper in the flashing pasties probably doesn't have the best tits and her customers probably spend a lot of time talking about that, but she's also probably the only stripper who got noticed by every last pair of eyes in the joint. You can't please 'em all, but being pleased is only one small part of being entertained.
Yes I just wrote all of that about a Hollywood flop. If I was on vacation, that's all I'd do, all day.
@skahammer: Actually, I was waiting for someone to ask why I'm not on vacation this weekend, so I could say that there is actually a pool in my family betting on when, exactly, I'll get to take a vacation again, and right now the odds are heavily favoring "Before the Freedom Tower is completed but after Osama bin Laden wins a blue ribbon at the flying-pig rodeo."
But then you posted your question and I realized not everyone in the world hears "so I unh and I unh and I unh unh unh" when they read the word "gimmick." Really I think every school child ought to be introduced to that scene at some point. I was 10 when I first saw it and I have to say, the reference point of the electric bikini has come in handy ever since.
Hey, guess what? This movie is by Australians - about Australia . They don't care if Americans don't 'get it'. I predict this movie will be as enduring as the last Australian movie that was enduring, "Gallipoli'". I bet y'all don't have a clue what that's about either.
Had they replaced Jackman's character with an American emigrant played by Kevin Costner this movie might have had more substance. Maybe even including Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones as evil cattle barons.
I predicted this would be cinema's version of egg sweat. These two (Kidman and Jackman) haven't had a hit in years, they are both prone to overacting and under acting simultaneously, and no one cares about a movie starring Australians in a movie about Australia. Couldn't they have done a documentary with some cute joeys, an aboriginal shaman, and some shrimp and called it a day? I mean that's all us Americans really care about, right? Oh, and saying, "G'day, mate!" Hah! That's it. Really that's all.
Back in the 70's my grandparents were on a world cruise and their ship made port in Melbourne (or Adelaide, or something like that). A classmate of my grandfather's owned a large sheep ranch a few hours drive from the port and he really wanted to see the operation. So accordingly they hired a car and driver to take them there and back. I dimly remember my grandmother telling my mother the story and mentioning that she had been terrified that their driver would pull over in the middle of nowhere and kill them for their money and jewelry. When asked why her reply was that "THEY'RE ALL DESCENDED FROM THIEVES, YOU KNOW." So what can you expect, really..
@dontmindifidid: Careful with that Box Office Poison talk, or next week we'll read in Variety that Kidman's just been cast in a remake of Mildred Pierce. The horror!
is this the one where the kangaroos and aboriginies dance around ayers rock while drinking foster's and eating onion blossoms and over-seasoned steaks and then boomerang each other to death?
...oh wait, no, this one has real Austrailians. Nap Time!
@Private Hangnail: Sure, but after the first few mouthfuls you become slack-jawed and loose the ability to chew (or have facial expressions). There is NOTHING worse than slobbering, slack-jawed dingos.
11/29/08
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11/28/08
In other words, there needs to be something controversial, something that might make your mother uncomfortable, something that feels spontaneous, as though it's producing the culture rather than responding to it. There's nothing controversial about either Kidman or Jackman. I don't mean they need to behave badly and get negative press. I mean they need to have a few strong thoughts in their heads, thoughts that can be disagreed with or passionately defended, and they need to bring these thoughts into their work. Yes it makes you vulnerable and liable to mess up pretty badly if you aren't careful. Protecting against mess-ups results in blandness.
And blandness - or rather the perception of it, which is far more damaging - is what is killing this movie. Baz Luhrmann wrote a love letter to a country? Ok, I read love letters on blogs every day. They bore me unless I intimately know the parties involved. So either cast people who are fearless enough to be intimate with the public at large or else find a way to make your story bump it with a trumpet.
It's not about being "deep" or even about being good. It's about being entertaining. Passion, although wildly attractive, is not actually entertaining all on its own. Sad for Luhrmann and his investors. But dude, if you want to be applauded for your passion, write a poem. If you want to make a movie that people will go see, stop worrying about applause and start worrying about interest. The stripper in the flashing pasties probably doesn't have the best tits and her customers probably spend a lot of time talking about that, but she's also probably the only stripper who got noticed by every last pair of eyes in the joint. You can't please 'em all, but being pleased is only one small part of being entertained.
Yes I just wrote all of that about a Hollywood flop. If I was on vacation, that's all I'd do, all day.
11/28/08
I always have trouble focusing when the ecdysiast's art is the subject.
11/29/08
My final paragraph can basically be summarized by the stripper in this video at approximately 2:40.
And if you want my entire essay, just watch the whole damn thing.
"To be a stripper all you need is no talent."
"Excuse me, but no talent it not enough! What you need is an idea! Something to make you strip . . . special.
11/29/08
God, Zorica, you are teh adorable.
11/29/08
But then you posted your question and I realized not everyone in the world hears "so I unh and I unh and I unh unh unh" when they read the word "gimmick." Really I think every school child ought to be introduced to that scene at some point. I was 10 when I first saw it and I have to say, the reference point of the electric bikini has come in handy ever since.
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Yes. I'm a "long-stayer". Deal with it.
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Now that's a fucking movie, mate!
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...oh wait, no, this one has real Austrailians. Nap Time!
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