• Lindsay Lohan brought her rehab buddy Riley Giles home to Long Island to meet her family over Thanksgiving, but he went out every night without her. [Page Six]
  
• A saboteur put pepper spray on Miss Puerto Rico's dress and in her makeup, but she won anyway. [Us Magazine]
  
• Brooke Astor's son has been indicted on charges related to the mishandling of his late mom's estate. [NYP]
  
• Jailed 90s rapper Foxy Brown got out of solitary confinement early for good behavior, believe it or not. [TMZ]

"Hello?"

"Oh, kneadynips, it's The Past. Can I just tell you it's all so over?"

"Over the top? Over the limit? Overdone? Overcooked?"

"It's just, like, Over. Nightlife is just getting weird. I can't even have fun at Limelight."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, to be honest, it's never really been my venue of choice. Too much 'freaky for freaky sake' and not enough 'freaky.' That whole group of club kids. They really just try too hard. I've been thinking about it ever since Angel died."

"Wait. You told me about him. Was it an overdose?"

"An overdose of Michael Alig! Angel didn't even do drugs; he just sold them. Then Michael and Freeze up and killed Angel, chopped him up and threw him in the river. But the police finally figured it all out, and now Michael's in jail. Which is probably more fun than clubs these days anyway."

"You're obviously exaggerating."

"Not really, swirlysnooch. It used to be we'd just walk in the front door. Then we had to start going in through the Twentieth Street entrance. Now there's no VIP entrance at all and we have to go in with the cattle. They make us wait in line to be patted down in the most unflirtatious way. I even saw them shake down some poor tranny's wig. She should've hid razors in that 'fro."

"Oh! Like Foxy Brown?"

"Coffy, actually. Anyway, we did the usual survey of the main floor, checked out the side and then headed our way upstairs. It was surreal. What used to be too packed was just a big empty room. Even the backroom where guys used to stick their dicks into the holes of a box that allegedly housed some random homeless drag queen? Empty."

"Well, there's always shifts in venues. One place goes out of favor and a new one rises."

"No, there's a more than a shift happening. Giuliani has this whole crackdown on fun going on while he's supposedly sticking his dick into somebody other than his wife. You know how moralistic hypocrites can be, right? But it's more than just that. New places that are opening are filled with tables and chairs and smaller dance floors. I saw my friend JonEd working the VIP door at one of the new places and she said we couldn't go in unless we bought a bottle of Absolut. For, like, $300! All these changes—it's like I'm suddenly in Atlanta. It's making me go a little crazy I think."

"Change can bring out weird feelings. And you sound, well, a little emotional. Are you that upset?"

"It's not just nightlife. It's, well, everything. I'm... I'm just afraid."

"You? But you're fearless. What could you be afraid of?"

"I call you week after week. For months now and it seems like everything I ever tell you about. Every important thing in my life is either gone or forgotten. All just things of The Past."

"That still doesn't explain what could scare you."

"Too be honest, it's you. I'm afraid of becoming you."

"Hey, I'm not that bad a thing to become! I still can... Hold on, I have another call... Hello?"

"Es salaam aleikum, giga-glans! I've been wanting to call you for years! This is The Future."

Previously: Past Over

• Fighting with fellow inmates landed 90s rapper Foxy Brown a solo cell for 76 days. [NYP]
  
• Halle Berry made a very mild sort of Jew joke and sensitive big-nosed Jews overreacted. [Page Six]
  
• Leonardo DiCaprio broke up with his Israeli model girlfriend whose name we never bothered to learn how to spell and now she's dating that surfer who scoops everyone up on the rebound. [Page Six]

Oh God, "precious nipple"! That is like what that terrible high school theater tech kid who befriended you when you were forced to sit together in Chem would order to sound "adult" at the Ruby Tuesdays he just sneaked into with his older brother's expired ID!

Anyway, Foxy Brown is a menace who needs to be locked up forever and ever, obvs, and the world's manicurists will not be safe until public shaming has her wardrobe regression brought down to Old Navy levels.

JAIL TAKES TOLL ON DOWDY CELL-EBRITY FOXY [NYP]

Foxy Brown won't get on bus for court [AP]

• Foxy Brown's lawyer, state Senator (yes!) John Sampson, who had told the jury that sentenced Brown to a year in jail for violating probation that Brown was three months pregnant, apparently totally lied! [NYP]
  
• The Sex and the City open call audition was a freakshow, as expected. [TMZ]
  
• Designer Marc Jacobs responds to allegations that his show was late because he was having drinks at the Mercer hotel: "That is bullshit! That is bullshit! I was at the fucking office until the last fitting was over. I came back to the hotel — I hadn't been here in three days! I hadn't showered in three days! I slept on the couch in my office for 20 minutes three nights in a row — anyone at my office will tell you that. I got 20 minutes sleep Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night. The first shower I had was Monday at 8 before the rehearsal of our show. I did not have lunch, I did not have drinks, I did not have tea at the Mercer." Okay!! [WWD]

I've seen her on TV, but she's nobody special. She's no different than anyone else.

• Foxy Brown found out that her boyfriend was a pimp. Then she was attacked by a hooker who pulled out chunks of her weave and stole her hearing aid. What is next for Foxy? Can it please involve 'Flavor of Love: Charm School' please please please? [NYDN]
  
• Justin Theroux thinks New York girls are sluts, not that he has had any personal experience in this department. He's just sayin'. [NYM]
  
• "When we asked [Mandy Moore] about the guys young Hollywood women should avoid, she said, 'I'd never name names . . . but I'd say stay away from anyone who is too insecure or self-involved.'" Then she coughed in this weird way that sounded sort of like "Kachh Kraff." [Page Six]
  
• So Courtney Love is licensing Kurt's likeness to lunchbox manufacturers and such. Whatever, people, he's dead. Move on. [Page Six]
  
• Jessica Simpson still doesn't know the words to Dolly Parton's fabulous socialist anthem '9 to 5.' [Gatecrasher, last item]