When self-described sad girl Lana Del Rey recently told The Guardian, "I wish I was dead already," she envisioned joining the ranks of her gone-too-soon heroes like Amy Winehouse and Kurt Cobain. Tropes, tropes, tropes: the girl's got 'em.

In one of the more bizarre Twitter beefs of late, Frances Bean Cobain, the 20-year-old daughter of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, tore into Kendall Jenner, the 17-year-old half-sister of Kim Kardashian, for complaining on Twitter that her life was too hard.

I think I like this conspiracy theory even more than the "Obama wears a Muslim wedding ring" one, as hard as that is to believe.

Following Courtney Love's wild Twitter rant accusing daughter Frances Bean Cobain of sleeping with her father's former bandmate Dave Grohl, the usually press-shy Frances is speaking out with a prepared statement:

Last night on her private Twitter account @cbabymichelle, Courtney Love accused 43-year-old Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl of putting the moves on 19-year-old Frances Bean Cobain, whom she claims went home with Grohl. "He had that romney rape thing about him," she mysteriously concludes about the "gross old man macking on…

We all knew that Courtney Love wasn't going to win the mother of the year award anytime soon, but things between her and her daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, are really quite insane. Frances thinks Courtney killed her dog and her cat!

The O.C. Weekly is speculating that teenage property tax payer Frances Bean Cobain and rocker Isaiah Silva are getting married after a year or so of successful dating. Their primary evidence: screenshots of comments the two lovebirds left on each others' Facebook profiles, including one in which Cobain gushes about…

For perpetually calm and collected Courtney Love, it seems that time does not heal all wounds. She's still seething over Kurt Cobain's suicide. She's so enraged, in fact, that if Kurt should somehow rise from the beyond, she says she'd kill him again. And not only that! She also says she'd make sure to have sex with…

Simon Cowell fondly recalls a successful date with "wacko" Denise Richards. Did Lady Gaga hook up with a tween idol? Madonna defends her right to hate hydrangeas. What did Ali Lohan do to her face? Thursday gossip has questions.

The death of a reality TV star inspires ruthless rumors. Prince Harry breaks up with his lingerie model girlfriend. Kevin Federline's fifth child is born. Lindsay Lohan goes surfing. Abandon all hope ye who enter Wednesday gossip.

Courtney Love celebrated her estranged daughter's eighteenth birthday a day late on Twitter: "youve done a dammed good job frances of destroying anything i could build." She's a "sell out," and Courtney knows how to "ruiinher." Happy birthday! [Buzzfeed, @CourtneyLoveUK]

Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love offspring Frances Bean Cobain has a restraining order against her mother and an alter ego named Fiddle Tim who had "his" first gallery show—called Scumfuck—in L.A. this week.

She has to costar in a movie with Miley Cyrus first, though. Did Amy Winehouse's boobs spring another leak? Jersey Shore gets banned from clubs. Wizard of Oz's coroner munchkin dies. Saturday's gossip roundup defies belief.

But now we've got a marijuana rumor. Emma Watson gets an on-campus boyfriend. Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant reunite to trade tips for graceful aging. Courtney Love admits to physically harming her daughter. Sunday gossip turns back the clock.

Love takes a Geldof girl under her wing, which can only lead to disaster. Drew Barrymore blames her parents for her problems, and so does Michael Douglas' smack addict kid. Brangelina's new Voight-related headache, Michael Kors' weird bellybutton. TGIFriday gossip.

• Lindsay Lohan was supposed to go to Vienna so she could accompany creepy billionaire Richard Lugner to the Vienna Opera Ball. (He brings a different celeb or model to the event every year and pays them $150,000 for the pleasure.) Sadly, Lindsay missed her chance to collect the much-needed cash. She ran up a $22K…

Hailey Glassman lands the lowest of blows and a terrifying magazine cover. Should Alec Baldwin blame his hospitalization on his ex-wife or his daughter? Suri Cruise wears lipstick. Quentin Tarantino wears out his welcome. TGIFriday gossip.

• One of Hollywood's longest-lasting relationships is over: After 23 years and two sons, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins announced yesterday that they've called it quits. One possible reason for the split: It seems Sarandon may have been having an affair with one of the owners of Spin, the "ping pong social club"…

• A-Rod dumpee Kate Hudson was "consoled" by fellow Rodriguez ex Madonna at the premiere of Nine on Tuesday night. As for A-Rod, he was spotted in Miami yesterday, where he supposedly made the moves on a blonde at a restaurant but came up short. There's hope for A-Rod and Kate yet, though. The two have reportedly…