I've been dealing with the truth that i have at times been a bad example and/or glorified self destructive behavior...

Regardless of varied judgments as to my cultural relevance, i am thankfully alive and exercising my joy in creating...

i've realized and accepted that if people decide to dislike me, they're going to find reasons to justify disliking me. there's nothing i can do about that. that said, it still does pain me to be accused of fictional crimes against innocents or to be implicated in romantic gossip involving the possibly reality-challenged—however unreliable the source or outlandish the accusations. in the end, however, i know that i have never done or even meant anyone any harm.

anyway, the lives of public figures are so much more boring than anyone can imagine. honestly.

Oh Courtney. You did know, didn't you, that handing your Amex to a cute young rocker boy for a period of weeks would, someday, end with heated demands on your part and with him then basically saying, "I'm sorry you feel I owe you money, there's nothing I can do about that, life sure is crazy?!?"

Next time: limits. You know you could! We wish you would!

[Ryan Adams]

Ryan Adams you fucking weasel. deal with it.858,00$
Current mood: determined

Listen this is another open letter
this to a beyond mediocre piece of shite- maybe its just my moment to fucking get the knives out of my back,
but in any case between 00 and 04 before ....well a dark pit of shit and fake names and insanity follows with lots and lots of people counting on Kookoo cherry not being able to prove things- and thats for another day- those people have not played chess with me.
But i was sitting with some people going thru the 29 american express cards that i didnt know existed that were connected to a few HUNDRED bank accounts,and there were all the bills for Ryan Adams worst record and one of the worst records i can think of in rock and roll history ironically called"Riock and Roll " and it was paid for by ME and mostly by my child.
and when i met Ryan we had a mild little flirtation, why not? but i made the deathly stupid decision to instead of just have very safe sex with him ( hes pretty dirty and man ive been around but im the virgin mary comparitevly) or make friends. no i fucking pimped my useless , ridiculaously terrible loser "Boyfriend" ( who ironically Edward Norton hates no one any more than this fuck and for good reason , yet Edwards OWN business manager put Barber up on West XXth street kitty corner from Edward, Barber could see into Edwards Apartment, and then he had his own Dean and Deluca account and an ABC Carpetand Home account and spent about 250,000 on furniture and another 600,000 dollars on travel, this loser who hasnt had a job since 98 - while Frances didnt have hardly enough to eat and i sure as hell didnt) i pimped Barber onto Ryan,"oooh hes a great producer"- maybe it wasbnt honourable0 i just wanted Barber gone, so maybe i used Ryan to get him gone,
yeah you listen to this shit im listening to my i tunes on right now who names a record "Rock n Roll" what assholes do that?

Got it? Me neither. Maybe Courtney can clear it up.

with these trebled up guitars my bandmate said sounded like "really horrific rem on steroids" all treble and compresssion and shit wirtten songs - but so what?
well on my amex atthat time the 858 but also from bank accounts....theres 200,000 thousnad dollar checks written to Barber for "comissions" ididnt even know where the fuck he was ! but here on Amex 28 is the entire invoice for Ryan- your ENTIRE album and meals and drugs and Hotels and outboard gear and wasted fabullous guitars STRAIGHT OUT OF FRANCES"S TRUST FUND
So you little shit, maybe you had NO IDEA right? is that why you used a hysterical voice mail of a very terrified and flipped out me- for your worst reviewed record and well deserved too, this record is shite totally one of the worst recordings ive ever heard yet Ryan you YOU spent 858,000 dolllars on this record of MY DAUGHTERS MONEY. so whats your paying me back plan? illbe in New York next week , you can start by working out your payment plan, because i will litiagate your thieving ass from here til eternity, your a thief and i used to think you had some subtsance to you then i find out your being managed or your money is by Victoria Blake? is that POSSIBLE? whata great PAL that lizard like cretin is t o you and i hope you had fun that week in :Jamaica" whilst more of my kids money was being shoved offshore- but thats not the point- Billy may have made my kid cry but i wasn't in the room - he's family and he always will be- he just laid his Billy trip on a person a little too young for it- I'm over it. but YOU RYAN, OWE FRANCES 858<000 dollars , so should isend the amex copies to Blake and he "staff"? because i would enjoy that very much,what a really good friend to leave you with someone whose been diagnosed as an "utter psychotic" by a professional foresnic psychiatrist.
This record sucks i mean WOW!
is this what youd like me to tell my kid a fraction of her money was stolen for this shite "Rock N Roll " cd shall i post the outboard gear and 4 seasons billls and fancy Nobu dinners, ahh so thats why you released two records at once where you getting paid a salary to let Gollum "produce" you cos we both know what a reall fucking genius that guy is, and this isnt about Gollum- hes inthe hands of the professionals, i walk away now knowing everything, all of it , its disgusting and its a fucking nuclear explosion of greed i dont think american history has ever seen but no other artist was ever involved in this scandalous vile behaviour ......but you were and i note to self; you suck on this record with your bile towards me, ande its gutless and cowardly and shit, and you know it,
Pay me back Ryan, Pay Frances back. an dtake my fucking voice off that piece of shit.

You can read the rest of the missive here, but I'd be remiss if I didn't include Courtney's sign off to Ryan: "still shooting smack? hows that going for you?"