Jim Cramer Chooses Mindless Panic Over Mindless Boosterism

The last time the economy collapsed, CNBC money-clown Jim Cramer basically said, "Don't panic! Buy Bear Stearns! What could go wrong?" That advice didn't work out so well for him. So this time, he's modulating.
Marcus Bachmann's Big Gay Mess
As his congresswoman wife Michele continues to make progress in her terrifying death march toward Washington, Marcus Bachmann has become a focus of the ever-curious media, and the things we've found out about him have been a bit unsettling, like the fact that he runs one of those pray-the-gay-away facilities.
Roger Ailes' Secret Nixon-Era Blueprint for Fox News
Republican media strategist Roger Ailes launched Fox News Channel in 1996, ostensibly as a "fair and balanced" counterpoint to what he regarded as the liberal establishment media. But according to a remarkable document buried deep within the Richard Nixon Presidential Library, the intellectual forerunner for Fox News…
Disabled Parking Placards Helping the Able-Bodied Avoid Fees, Walking
About 10 percent of California's population is registered to carry a disabled parking placard, which enables them to park for free, forever, in designated spots. In a state where driving between rooms in your foreclosed house is standard, these placard thingies have become hot items, as you might imagine!
Botox Mom Confesses: It Was All a Hoax
Botox Mom Kerry Campbell has released a sworn statement saying her attention-grabbing, Good Morning America-baiting scandal was a hoax!
Pastor's Fake Navy SEAL Career Based on Under Siege
Everyone thought that Jim Moats, a pastor in Newville, Pennsylvania, was a retired Navy SEAL and a Vietnam war hero. He had a plaque to that effect hanging in his office, and he wore the trident medal symbolizing SEAL membership. For a profile in yesterday's local paper, Moats told of being "waterboarded" by SEAL…
How Donald Trump Dodged Vietnam
Comb-forwarded reality TV star Donald Trump says a "high draft number" spared him deployment to Vietnam. Turns out five student and medical deferments also helped. Bonus fun fact: He has birthmarks on both heels! Sign of the Beast. [TSG]
'Old Crony' New York GOP Senate Candidate Has Ponzi Scheme Links
The New York Republican candidate for Senate, Joe DioGuardi was paid $5,000/month as an advisor to Medical Capital Corp—a subsidiary of Medical Capital Holdings, which blew $1 billion of investors' money on yachts and other crap. Nice.
Jon From CHiPs Charged With Securities Fraud
Larry Wilcox — better known as Ponch's sidekick Jon from the 70's-80's cop show CHiPs — was caught in a sting operation by FBI agents and the Securities and Exchange Commission allegedly seeking kickbacks in exchange for penny-stock manipulation.
Iraq War Fraud Ahmed Chalabi Is Back in Washington
A terrifying cabal of elites is meeting this week in D.C. for the "Washington Ideas Festival," to discuss only the most important Ideas. So why was Ahmed Chalabi, the Iraqi liar who supplied false intelligence to the Bush administration, invited?
Japanese Lolita Party Crashers Prove Fashionistas Can't Tell Asians Apart
A trio of Japanese Lolitas crashed Tom Ford's fashion show by saying one of them was Japanese Vogue editor Mitsuko Watanabe. I mean, maybe if they said they were with Gwen Stefani—but confusing this with this?
Fake Nun Panhandles for Notorious LeGrand 'Rape Clan'
That nun you gave money to in Little Italy the other day? Turns out, she's not a nun. And not only is she not a nun, she's raising money for a notorious cultish church founded by a rapist and murderer.
Ponzi Schemer to the Stars Ken Starr Says He Was Scammed By Martin Scorsese
Ponzi schemer Ken Starr scammed celebrities and spent the money on his stripper wife. Now he claims Martin Scorsese owes him $600,000 in unpaid fees. You didn't expect Starr to scam you for free, did you, Scorsese? [The Wrap]
Uma Thurman Was Bilked by Celebrity Financial Consultant
Ken Starr, Bernie Madoff to the Stars! He's been charged with running a Ponzi scheme using money from celebrities. One of them is reported to be Uma Thurman. Dude, didn't you see Kill Bill? You're dead meat!
