Today is Flag Day, America's most important holiday. And while it might seem like a good idea to wear flag wings over your bikini or use a tattered Old Glory as a summer blouse, such actions are illegal. But because there's no enforcement or punishment for hurting the American flag, freedom is constantly under assault.

At the 1886 ceremony celebrating the official opening of New York's Statue of Liberty, president Grover Cleveland declared that the statue's torchlight would "pierce the darkness of ignorance and man's oppression until Liberty enlightens the world." And it has! At least for those of you have been properly screened,…

If you have a keen memory, you may recall that U.S. president and Hellfire missile proponent Barack Obama once promised to close down our prison at Guantanamo Bay, where hope and civil rights go to die. That never happened, of course. But now, Obama has a golden opportunity to shut that motherfucker down.

Here's video of UC-Santa Cruz student Gennady Tsarinsky, 25, getting his "2 pound" (or maybe "2.5 pound") joint jacked by a buzzkill campus narc on 4/20. "Dude, we're going to court, man. We're totally going to court," you can hear Tsarinsky say, just before getting hauled in for possession. So he was right!

Instead of rolling up with your coworkers behind the Ale House dumpsters, you could smoke your reefer the true American way this 4/20: Head west and light a spliff for freedom!

Time-traveling Slate essayist Katie Roiphe is back from 2005 with another crazy article about "the information superhighway." This one—a real scorcher!—is about how she will never get off the internet, ever, no matter how many of her friends beg her.

No law enforcement agency in the world is better than our own FBI when it comes to thwarting terror plots that never would have come to fruition anyhow, because they consisted mainly of pitiful people sitting around boasting to FBI informants. The latest triumph by our domestic anti-terror heroes: saving America from…

Here's a video of normal-sized middle-aged female journalist Amy Goodman being arrested by multiple hulking stick-wielding riot police dressed in full body armor at the Republican National Convention in 2008. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the police state. Hey guys, are there enough of you there, you think?…

Half a century ago, heroes like Martin Luther X and Rose Park risked their lives by marching on top of lunch counters so that kids of all races would one day have the right to catch a few "Z's" in class while the teacher showed a filmstrip of the "I Have a Dream" speech. And how do kids these days repay those civil…

Iranian short person Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told Ann Curry today that Americans Shane Bauer and Josh Fattal will be set free "in two days," after spending over two years in jail for illegally crossing into Iran and for "spying." [NBC]

Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin, and Jessie Misskelley Jr., the so-called "West Memphis Three" who were wrongly convicted in 1994 of child murder in West Memphis, Arkansas, and whose case became a cause celebre, were freed this morning.

Look at this cow making a break for it! This cow ran away from a slaughterhouse in Queens on Wednesday! This cow is running down a street called "Liberty Avenue," no joke! Run, cow, run!

Former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been released from house arrest without bail, after revelations that his accuser might be so unreliable that the case won't hold up.

What's the latest terrible news from Arizona, America's dirt backyard? Not much has changed, really. People want as many guns as possible, to make up for the lack of jobs and sustainable mortgages, while Steven Seagal rides around in tanks attacking chickens. Also, penis certificates. There's very little to complain…

Kevin Glasheen is a lawyer in Texas. He is also a lobbyist. He successfully lobbied the state to pass a bill raising the amount of money that it pays to inmates who are exonerated and freed after being wrongfully convicted and imprisoned. For completing this fine deed, Glasheen expects to be paid handsomely—by the…

A 26-year-old blogger named Maikel Nabil has received a three-year sentence for insulting the Egyptian military by writing about its habit of conducting "virginity tests" on female detainees. Under Mubarak he probably would've gotten like 10 years. So, you know, freedom marches on.

Do you know what the fastest growing group of American youths is, besides no-good little delinquents who think Justin Bieber invented the wheel, you ignorant little brats? Multiracial youths! Single-race kids are kind of nerds, now.