As you'll learn in this video, it's easy to label someone like Mike a "racist" for posting the sign—until you learn that one of his best friends in the military was a Hispanic guy, "Taking pictures of each other at the urinals, and so on." So, yea. Nachos unite us all. [Guanabee]

Original Video - More videos at TinyPic

Page2Live.com pulled the billionaire money manager and massage fanatic's visitors list. He was hardly lonely. Among Epstein's visitors:

• Nadia Marcinkova—a former realtor who allegedly put on lesbian sex shows with underage girls for Epstein's pleasure. One girl said of Marcinkova: "Epstein had purchased her from her family in Yugoslavia. Epstein bragged he brought her into the United States to be his Yugoslavian sex slave." She reportedly visited Epstein in jail 67 times.
• Sarah Kellen—Epstein's former assistant, who allegedly helped him with the logistics of his massages, etc. from underage girls.
• Igor Zinoviev—"a Russian extreme fighter whose address in New York City, 301 East 66th Street, is the same as Epstein's."

[Page2Live.com. Pic via]

By remaining a wild man, we hear! Wild man like a fox. Don't get it twisted: Felix Dennis may occasionally drink five bottles of wine and then confess to pushing some dude off a cliff, but he's no fool. He sold off Maxim and Blender for $250 million two years ago; today, Blender's folded, and Dennis' old company is totally financially fucked.

But Dennis still controls The Week, meaning he still has an excuse to play crazy publisher man! His latest adorable foible: a tipster tells us that Felix "shut down the office kitchen because people left milk out." And also, because he can. The man's a throwback! Why not send us more tales of Felix Dennis acting strangely, hmm?

The New York Times Co. has repeatedly threatened to close down the money-burning Globe if its budget wasn't cut enough. But today they say that threat is over!

"Because we have achieved the $20 million in savings we needed, we do not foresee closure at this time and are focused on executing the Globe's turnaround plan," Times Co. spokeswoman Catherine Mathis said in a statement.

That's assuming that the 23% pay cut, which the union vows to fight legally, is going to happen. Why would the company discard its Ace in the Hole before it was sure that it was going to get the cuts it wants? Maybe because the Globe newsroom sent this letter to NYT publisher Pinch today that is so nice:

Dear Mr. Sulzberger,

We have long admired your commitment to producing the world's best journalism. We know, as a former reporter, that you appreciate the work we do and how we have continued to publish hard-hitting, thoughtful papers throughout these hard times.
Despite all the rhetoric of the last few weeks, we believe you want to do the right thing – that, at bottom, you're a mensch.

Etcetera, etcetera, it's all formalities now. Brothers hug!
[Romenesko]

Queens resident Matt Tratner let his friend stay in his apartment while he went to London earlier this month. When he came back he realized he had made an error in judgment:

Nearly all the contents of the apartment had been thrown to the floor. An antique marble gas lamp that had been in his family for generations had been broken into pieces, an antique clock destroyed. The living room sofa was in the bathtub. All the windows had been broken. The insides of the toilet had been ripped out and the apartment had flooded; the shower fixtures had also been yanked from the wall. Mr. Tratner's computer had been destroyed. There was a metal antenna that had been driven into the hardwood floor, and the electrical outlets had been torn out. The gas stove had been dislodged. All the light fixtures had been shattered. And there was blood, tons of it, everywhere-smeared on the kitchen cabinets, the walls, the doors, the mattresses.

That's one thorough trashing! Unfortunately there are no hipsters evident in this story, so its life as an internet phenomenon will be short-lived. In the meantime, Tratner's pals are raising money for him to replace his stuff.

[NYO]

To recap: Bill was working as a vaguely defined "adviser" for some investment funds owned by Yucaipa, Burkle's company. Then his wife goes and runs for president so Bill publicly "severed business ties" with Burkle, presumably to avoid being photographed with more attractive young women on Burkle's plane.

But! Bill's consolation prize was that Yucaipa would pay him $20 million when he left. For what? Nobody's really sure! But there were lots of things that could blow up in Bill's (and by extension, Hillary's) face, politically:

Mr. Clinton was one of the three owners of the foreign fund's general partner, along with Mr. Burkle and Dubai Investment Group (YGP) Ltd., an entity that was part of the business empire of Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, the ruler of Dubai.

The Yucaipa connection presented other potential difficulties for Mrs. Clinton, people familiar with the matter said. In late 2007, the foreign fund invested in a Chinese media company, Xinhua Finance Media Ltd., whose parent company had past ties to the Beijing government.

Oh you know who else was connected to Clinton via Burkle? Convicted scam artist Raffaello Follieri! So, my working theory here is that taking the money would have caused too much of a headache for Hillary in the press, and also, since Bill's payout was theoretically tied to how much he earned, maybe there wasn't all that much money there to be had anyhow. But if you know better, feel free to share. [WSJ]

Well, more accurately, the study looked at the genetics of social interaction, particularly how people function in various social networks. What they found was that your popularity may be predeterminately hardwired into your brainbox. Science Daily summarizes a Harvard/UC study:

The researchers found that popularity, or the number of times an individual was named as a friend, and the likelihood that those friends know one another, were both strongly heritable. Additionally, location within the network, or the tendency to be at the center or on the edges of the group, was also genetically linked. However, the researchers were surprised to learn that the number of people named as a friend by an individual did not appear to be inherited.

So basically that means that if a bunch of people in a social network like you and recognize you as a friend, thus making you popular, it's because you were born that way. And if you are sad and lonely and existing on the outskirts of the Danville Community Players or the Amateur Dodgeball League you thought would be whimsical and fun but is actually just kinda depressing and the balls hurt, well... that was always in the cards for you. But there's nothing stopping you, genetically at least, from saying that people are your friends so you don't seem like the weird loner that you really are. Bright side!

And if you wanted to, as I did so recklessly above, turn this into some sort of Facebook analysis, you'd have to determine whether the person with 600 friends has received friend invites the majority of the time, or requested friends. Because the latter would just be a secret genetic loser. And those people need to be isolated (more than they already are, hah!) so we can eventually breed out the gene and then everyone will be popular. (Even though I think that's called Communism. Yay!)

The study also investigates how and why, in an evolutionary sense perhaps, various social networks work the way they do. Basically, all of it is is hinged on a shared will to survive, with risks and benefits regularly weighed against each other. Someone at the center of a network is more likely to be privy to news about a food source, but also more likely to contract a disease should an outbreak occur. A person who exists further out in the circle is safer from that illness, but further from the food source (or knowledge of said food source).

If you think about that in a modern sense—most of us, I hope, aren't actually physically huddled together looking for food and regularly falling prey to disease (this is America after all)—this explains why Stan and Judy never, like they have some weird aversion to it, never want you to hang out with their friend Claudia. People compartmentalize various friendships to keep certain things safe, to maintain different levels of distances. If Claudia and you ever hang out, some sort of "disease" could spread (most likely constantly-needling-Stan-about-his-job-itis). And that's not good for Stan and Judy. Minimizing your exposure to the damaging effects of other several-degrees-away social entities keeps you healthier—physically, emotionally, sexually, fiscally, whatever.

So don't feel bad that you never get to come along when your roommate goes out with her old Middlebury friends. It's only because you're diseased.

We clearly stated in our advice to you: Your future is in the media. In it! Do you know the least effective way to succeed in the media? By spending your time insulting the media! (Unless you're a blogger. But you hate bloggers too!). Today Esquire released portions of an interview you did with them, designed to make you look bad, which you make easy for them. Like so:

"Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me....I'll tell you, yesterday the Anchorage Daily News, they called again to ask — double-, triple-, quadruple-check — who is Trig's real mom. And I said, Come on, are you kidding me? We're gonna answer this? Do you not believe me or my doctor? And they said, No, it's been quite cryptic the way that my son's birth has been discussed. And I thought, Okay, more indication of continued problems in the world of journalism."

You also said, about liking our national anthem, "That's an alikeness between Alaskans and New Yorkers."

You see Sarah, it's clear that you cannot help but to say risible sentences that make you sound like an amusing, bitter dunce. The only way to avoid this is to talk less. That means no interviews for Esquire, which is obviously a member of the very liberal media conspiracy you so decry. It also means no more video interviews with friendly conservative nuts, because they will be posted on YouTube and mocked by the liberal media and its hated blog cohorts! Just shut the fuck up already. Do governor things, why don't you?

And while you're at it, get started on our recommendations! Those fashion endorsements for Wal-Mart and the Ladies Home Journal column are great ways to get your name in the press with a minimum chance of being asked any political questions. This is what you need right now! Why do you continue to reject us, Sarah? We are your friends. You will discover this the easy way (embracing us) or the hard way (doing what you are doing now).

And have you even started on the affair? [Pic: Faithmouse.com]

Sean Hannity, a thick-necked antisemite, has a program on the Fox News Television For Women Network where he used to abuse this smiley liberal comedian named Colmes for an hour. But Colmes broke up with him, and so now Hannity needs a new punching bag.

Well for one night that bag will be Al Sharpton. Sharpton is a comic figure, not well-respected even by many liberals, but the guy argues a bit more forcefully than Alan, and he's also much smarter than Hannity. So it will not be edifying television, and it will be soul-crushing, probably, because crazed baby-farming congressmonster Michele Bachmann is the other panelist, but next Monday we will probably see Al Sharpton make Bachmann cry, or spit fire.

Also Meatloaf will be there. That is not a joke because why would we ever make a joke that absurd? No, Meatloaf will indeed be there, talking about politics.

"There are times I don’t even remember that particular show. This is horrible to say, but there are times when I laugh my rear end off," she says. "And I get in debates with people who are over and say, 'Friends' is not my thing.' Excuse you!"

Kinda bitchy, John Mayer! Let Jen crack up to "The One Where Chandler's Weight Fluctuated Wildly" — where's the harm?

• Jen Aniston Wishes New Movie Was Called "She's Just Not That Into You" [Us]

Boomp3.com

A coy Jennifer Aniston quickly denied the claim that she had babies on the brain while waiting for a friend in a back alley. Aniston chuckled as she discovered the accidental thought bubble above her, saying, “Maybe I should stand underneath a sign that says 'Oscar winner,' or 'cheeseburger.'”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

[T]he atmosphere has become decidely frosty, with Madge hitting out at Guy on stage in front of thousands of fans, and alleged rows over the kids.

An now, the battle is said to have turned even more bitter, with the singer reportedly telling friends to choose a side.

“Madonna does not want to be telling one of her good friends in confidence about some part of the divorce strategy only to discover that the information has found its way back to Guy”, a source tells the Daily Mail.

“The last thing Madonna wants is to be telling a friend about the current state of, for example, the custody battle over the children, and then to find that information has immediately got back to Guy.

[Entertainmentwise via OhNoTheyDidn't]

Boomp3.com

After years and years of development, production finally began on Bros, Matthew Perry’s long gestating Friends spin off, in West Hollywood on Wednesday afternoon. In Bros, Perry’s popular “Chandler” character serves as the den bro to a couple of young plucky bros looking to make it Hollywood (one’s a chef and the other, you guessed it, a writer!). Perry felt that Bros really spoke to an untapped audience —men— while retaining the charm of the original series. Perry said, “It still has the heart and charm of Friends, but it’s edgy like Californication and moody like Mad Men. It’s a real modern and charming bromance between a group of bros who’d die for each other.” Perry did not rule out any guest appearances from his old Friends co-stars, but would like the series to focus on one certain thing: namely, bro-ing down.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Life must be a permanent vacation for Smart Water spokesperson Jennifer Aniston. Aniston felt that another vacation as on the white sand beaches of Mexico was in order to fully get over the recent split from dorm rock crooner John Mayer, but Aniston still hasn’t been able to shake his memory. Aniston said, “I walk into the resort and somebody at the bar is doing that karaoke thing and they’re doing one of the songs by that joker. Then at dinner, a mariachi band plays another one of his songs. I may have to go to the South Pole if I want to get away from all of my exes.” Then Aniston remembered that it’s cold down at the South Pole and she’s not a fan of snow pants.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

"Paul Newman played many unforgettable roles. But the ones for which he was proudest never had top billing on the marquee. Devoted husband. Loving father. Adoring grandfather. Dedicated philanthropist... Always and to the end, Dad was incredibly grateful for his good fortune. In his own words: 'It's been a privilege to be here.' He will be profoundly missed by those whose lives he touched, but he leaves us with extraordinary inspiration to draw upon. During this difficult time, we ask for privacy for our family." — Statement from Newman's and Joanne Woodward's three daughters Elinor, Melissa and Claire.

"I was blessed to have known him. The world is better because of him. Sometimes God makes perfect people and Paul Newman was one of them." - Sally Field, Newman's costar in Absence of Malice.

"Paul was a very fine actor and a really good race driver. But mostly, he personified humanity—always taking care of those who were less fortunate. For me, this will be his legacy." - David Letterman

"He set the bar too high for the rest of us. Not just actors, but all of us." - George Clooney

"He was my hero." - Julia Roberts

"Paul Newman was the ultimate cool guy who men wanted to be like and women adored. He was an American icon, a brilliant actor, a Renaissance man and a generous but modest philanthropist. He entertained millions in some of Hollywood's most memorable roles ever, and he brightened the lives of many more, especially seriously ill children, through his charitable works. Paul was one of a kind. The beloved film star will be missed by a world of fans and admirers. Maria and I send our thoughts and prayers to his wife, Joanne Woodward, his entire family and his many friends." - Arnold Schwarzenegger

"He was a master of his craft—an artist respected and emulated by his peers and beloved by movie fans around the world." - Dan Glickman, chairman of the Motion Picture Association of America

"Paul was an American icon, philanthropist and champion for children. We will miss our dear friend, whose continued support always meant the world to us. Our prayers and thoughts are with Joanne and the Newman family and the many people who Paul impacted through his endless kindness and generosity." - Bill and Hilary Clinton

"All who knew him, worked with him and who have been touched by his kindness and generosity are extremely fortunate. It was Paul's dream that the camps continue to thrive and provide laughter to children who need it most, and we will keep that dream alive." - Statement from the Association of Hole in the Wall Camps, which Newman founded in 1988 for children with serious medical needs.

[ETonline and Eonline]

• Brad Pitt: "I lament the loss of a ferociously funny and hardcore family man. My thoughts are with [his wife] Rhonda and their family. Bernie Mac, you are already missed."
• George Clooney: "The world just got a little less funny. He will be dearly missed."

• Cedric the Entertainer: "It's hard to put into words just how I feel and what a painful loss this is. Bernie was a brother, a friend and one of the comic masters of our time. Sharing the marquee with him during the phenomenon of the Kings of Comedy tour bonded us like family, and created a unique moment in comic history marking some of the most meaningful, memorable and fun times of our lives. His comedic approach was his own brand and will definitely stand the test of time. The level of his talent always inspired me and other comedians to 'bring their A-game.' I promise you that you never wanted to be the guy who had to follow Bernie's set! As a husband and father, he was THE MAN and my thoughts and prayers are with his family. He will truly be missed, but so well remembered."

• Don Cheadle: "This is a very sad day for many of us who knew and loved Bernie. He brought so much joy to so many. He will be missed, but heaven just got funnier."

• Ocean's Eleven costar Carl Reiner: “It’s a tremendous loss because of his age and the fact that he was such a vital, original human being. When I use the word 'original' I really mean it. He was like no other person I knew. He lived his life to the fullest, even when we were on the set of Ocean's. He had his own little apartment and he cooked and invited people to lunch every day and he had food that was for everybody. He made very exotic things. His conversations were always different than any conversations I had with anyone else. They were very family-oriented; he talked about his wife and children with such love and it’s very hard to believe that he’s not with us anymore.”

• Samuel L. Jackson, Mac's co-star in the November 2008 flick Soul Men: "It goes without saying that Bernie was one of the preeminent comedians of our generation. He was also an attentive husband, a great father and loving grandfather. I feel blessed to have shared years of friendship with Bernie Mac and I'm honored to have finally co-starred with him in what I consider to be his finest cinematic acting achievement. My sincere prayer is that his family will be comforted by the warmth of love from all of us who knew and respected this man."

• Actress/comedienne Niecy Nash, who played Mac's little sister on the hit television series The Bernie Mac Show and acted opposite him in the 2005 film Guess Who, said this about her friend and mentor: "His passing is such a major loss to the acting and comedy communities. Bernie Mac was the personification of the word 'real.' He kept it real. That kind of genuine spirit that he carried all the time cannot be easily duplicated, but I will do my very best to try." [Eonline via OhNoTheyDidn't]

• Previously: The Top 10 TV Characters Men Want To Be Like And Women Want To Be With [Defamer]

boomp3.com

Hollywood triple threat Ben Affleck must be looking to add another talent onto his resume as he displayed his undercover tipping skills. Affleck did not want to make a big spectacle out of tipping the limousine driver in front of the camera, so he decided to slip it into his coat pocket. Affleck said, "I'm going to tell him to check his pockets once he drops us off. I think he's going to be happy with what he discovers." Affleck picked up the move from a rerun of Friends he saw while on his trip and plans on using the trick very often in the near future. Affleck said, "If you see the Benster, you better check your pockets cause you may find a very nice present."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.