We start working on Saturday's dick jokes at 9AM, while the mainstream media's still sleeping. Example: the Times - where people read about NYC bomb threats - was eight hours late to one that shut down LaGuardia Airport today.

So: Bret Easton Ellis is on the cover of expensive Amsterdam-based magazine Fantastic Man, drinking a Diet Coke. In it, he calls the soul-sucking experience that is The Hills "the greatest show that I have ever seen in my life."