A hero can be anyone. It can be a fireman who runs back into a burning home to save a beloved childhood pet (toad). It can be a teacher who stays after school to help a student struggling with math. It can be a long Italian-style sandwich filled with a variety of meats, cheeses, and seasonings.
You know what the kids are doing these days? Nothing. They are living in their parents' houses (or houses their parents pay for) and not working. But they are turning their unemployment into a new trend: the Millennial Job Whine.
It'd appear that Apple has a very, very strict no-call-no-show policy: three times, and you're done. A Genius Bar employee volunteering with an NGO emailed his whereabouts, but it wasn't enough.
Funemployment! It has been the exclusive province of not just the rich, but also those lucky bastards who received the mythical "severance pay." So how are those severance checks holding up now, hmmmm?
The only thing worse than your unemployed friend who's always borrowing money and eating the food at your apartment is your fabulous unemployed friend, the one who loses weight and befriends the idle rich and gets chic haircuts for free.
Or: How Dudes Living In Their Parents' Basements Became the Horatio Alger Myth of the Internet.
One of this week's Conde Nast layoff victims has emailed us with a harrowing inside look at the human cost of magazine death. She seems ready to snap. Her email, in full, below:
American teenagers are facing distressingly high levels of unemployment. So, what should they do? Get a job? No way! They should move to the UK.
As if America's jobless weren't screwed enough — more employers are running credit checks on potential employees for jobs that involve no financial decisions, so you'd better pay your bills on time even if you don't have a job!
As the ranks of America's idle funemployed swell, many are asking themselves, "Dude, what am I gonna do with myself?" Their answer, increasingly: "I am gonna have a yoga party all day every day, in exchange for room and board."
That whole "Funemployment" thing was clearly a fake trend composed of nothing. Which makes it perfect television! CBS sent its last working journalist to track down these young, wealthy, aimless Funemployed layabouts. Here are their dumb stories.
A source writes in: ink on the long-rumored deal selling IAC property Very Short List to Jared Kushner and The New York Observer's dry. VSLers have been fired, and the property's clumsily fallen into the Observer's hands, now. Update: confirmed.
The Way We Live Now: Funemployed. That's the new word, really! Does it sort of make you want to get gangsters to dispose of the linguist who coined "Funemployment," then flee to live on a houseboat barge? You're not alone.
