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Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys
New York, 5:33 PM
Mon Nov 30
40 posts in the last 24 hours
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Top Chef's Toby Young's Report from inside the Emmys |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
09/22/09
Did we all forget about Obama not being an African-American?
09/22/09
Damn. I'm so conflicted!
09/22/09
Keep the claws out tomorrow night, be strong.
09/22/09
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09/23/09
It is precisely my own lack of patience for stupid people that makes Toby Young unbearable to me.
Obama really isn't black? You don't say!
09/23/09
1) I'm not that much of an ass, am I?
2) I have no patience for stupid peeps, Dahly, it's a flaw of mine.
You know, saying #2 pretty much guarantees that #1 will be invalidated. #2 guarantees you're an ass.
09/22/09
Go play in traffic, Toby. Again.
09/22/09
09/22/09
You know, one of those "Maxwell House International Coffee moment" sort of things where, after a passionate night in Paris, the two of you sampled coffee the next morning "the likes of which you'd never known"?
09/22/09
09/23/09
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09/22/09
Read here: [www.mediabistro.com]
And here: [gawker.com]
09/22/09
09/22/09
And Tom is a such a great smartass."That's why we hired you Toby" indeed!
09/22/09
Tell me a little about Tom's beautiful blue eyes, and how the unicorns frolic when Eric Ripert comes to visit.
And my god, does Turtle look ever so delicious in that picture.
09/22/09
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09/22/09
But anyway, I may just join the "Friends of Toby" club now, because he's swayed me with this witty, charming piece he wrote above.
In fact, if he shows up in this comment thread and talks to us (and doesn't rip into me), I'll definitely join that club!
09/22/09
09/22/09
First Place:
thundermonkey: "My word, I feel like Prince Charles just ejaculated powdered sugar into my eyeballs."
Second Place:
Lazy Susan: "Linda Lovelace wouldn't swallow that!"
Third Place (tie):
Heneage: "This dish is more saccharine than a Sandra Lee tablescape."
TedSez: "This dish is even more likely to come spewing back out of my mouth than a perfectly honed English sentence."
Honorable Mention:
bjonston: "This dish is so bad, it made the onions cry!"
get the buttah: "Mmmmm… home-made Ipecac."
Heneage: "I've seen more appetizing meals regurgitated from a mother bird."
Iceland Spar: "I've seen streetwalkers in the East End with better presentation."
Kitten_Witawip: "The swallows will be back in Capistrano before I'd have another swallow of that."
Mathnet: "This little piggy went to market and got the finger and then cried 'wee wee wee wee' all the way home, and I wish I'd had none. Or roast beef."
09/22/09
Like a Dean Martin Roast or something.
09/22/09
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09/22/09
* "You must be a true artist — because it tastes like you cut off your own ear and used it as an ingredient in this dish."
* "This tastes like Ronald McDonald puked — and then his puke cooked this meal."
* "The Exxon Valdez never made anything this oily." (Out-of-date topical jokes earn bonus points.)
* "If you salted this, you could call it 'salt with a deadly weapon.'" (Bad puns also earn bonus points.)
* "Somebody call my doctor. This dish is so good, it gave me an erection that will probably last more than four hours!" (Remember: TYSOLs can be positive, too!)
09/22/09
In England, at least.
"Have a meal that just won't cohere into a cheap joke? Spray it with Tysol for an epigrammatically enhanced experience!"
09/22/09
I should have backed up the car.
09/22/09
"That's why we hired you Toby," he said.
You know what, Toby? That's funny. In fact, that's very funny.
If your judging "quips" last season were HALF that funny, more Top Chef fans would've liked you last season.
09/22/09
09/22/09
This is sounding a lot like my own Padma fantasies.
09/22/09
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