Gawker: gawker+gift+guide

Gawker Gift Guide Update: No Vincent Gallo Dickin' for the Credit-Limit Challenged

Emily Gould — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 11:30:00 EST

You recall that we'd suggested purchasing the sexual favors of the indie auteur, which the generous Gallo had been offering on his website for a mere $50,000 ($100,000 for lez couples). Well, we hate to tell you this, but you're going to have to scramble to come up with an alternative gift for your favorite "heavyset older redhead" — Gallo has told Page Six that he's no longer able to accept PayPal, because the company had some sort of objection to being involved in prostitution or something totally nutty like that. "They are really fascists. They should breathe some death gas or something," says Gallo of his former 'Pals. Uh, right on! The good news? He's now accepting Mastercard. Now that is indeed priceless.

Gallo Offline Over Sex Ads [Page Six]
Earlier: Gawker Gift Guide: A Vincent Gallo Dickin'

Gawker Gift Guide: Hipster Jewelry

Emily Gould — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 12:10:00 EST

Nothing says "Hey baby, I bought a North8 Condo and I still have some disposable income left over — Merry Christmas" like a $280 soda-can tab necklace rendered in 14K gold. Seriously, though, if you're hunting for that special something to give your blunt-cut-banged sweetheart for the hols, may we suggest the wares of uber-Williamsburglar jewelry store Catbird? We're sure she'll love the unofficial symbol of 'burgy hotness — yes, the mounted buck head (Why? Something to do with this, we're almost sure of it )— rendered in silver or gold vermeil. Seriously, though, there's something here for every chick, and some of it isn't even ironic. Visit the new Bedford Ave. location, but make sure not to go during 'enormous hipster clusterfuck' hours.

[Catbird]

Gawker Gift Guide: A Vincent Gallo Dickin'

Emily Gould — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 08:50:00 EST

If this were Star, we'd have to call this a 'Celebrity Dream Item,' because it's a little bit pricey — $50,000! But after you hear what it is, we think you'll agree that the special STD-free natural born female in your life is SO worth it.

Controversial — okay, loooney tunes — Buffalo 66 and Brown Bunny auteur and world's most unlikely Republican Vincent Gallo is no stranger to selling his body — after all, that's how he got by during his first years in gritty, Basquiat-era NYC, according to his personal legend. But these days, he's selling it for a lot more money, and via his website. We think the most striking aspect of Gallo's pitch is how well he understands his consumer:

When I was very young I was madly in love with Tuesday Weld and Charlotte Rampling . . . so believe me, I know and understand what it's like to wish and dream about spending time with a movie star. Doing things that couples do. Couples in love. At least couples where the guy is hot and knows how to handle a chick.

That's why, for the low-when-you-think-about-it aforementioned price, your giftee will be able to revel in the joys of being "escorted" by Gallo for one magical evening. He just has a few rules, and one important warning:

I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally born female. The fee covers one evening with Vincent Gallo. For those who wish to enjoy my company for a weekend, the fee is increased to a mere $100,000. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill. No real female will be refused. However, I highly frown upon any male having even the slightest momentary thought or wish that they could ever become my client. No way Jose. However, female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend that will have them second-guessing. I am willing to travel worldwide to accommodate clients. However, travel days are billed at $50,000 per plus all premium flight fees. Scanning for STD's is required as is bathing and grooming prior to our encounter. Detailed photos of potential clients also required prior. An extra fee for security to protect me is charged on top of the fantasy fee. Security fees will vary depending on the details of an encounter and how much security I will need. Potential clients are advised to screen the controversial scene from The Brown Bunny to be sure for themselves that they can fully accommodate all of me. Clients who have doubt may want to test themselves with an unusually thick and large prosthetic prior to meeting me. You may be surprised just how much you can handle and how good it feels.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled breakfast!

[vgmerchandise via The Onion]

Gawker Gift Guide: Jackson Pollis Edition

Emily Gould — Fri, 08 Dec 2006 10:20:00 EST

The question isn't "Who on my list would like to receive an American Apparel size Medium t-shirt silkscreened with the likeness of underage MisShapes DJ Jackson Pollis?" The question is "(muffled tears and sound of head hitting desk.)" Anyway, should you have any interest in scoring what's sure to be the hottest item to be photographed in for a photo-twat website, there's a contest you can enter over at Imaginary Socialite. Imagine the looks on their faces as they unwrap this specialest of presents!

Give The Gift of Jackson! [Imaginary Socialite]
Earlier: Gawker Gift Guide

Gawker Gift Guide: Bonus 'NYT' Edition

abalk2 — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 13:50:33 EST

On Monday the Observer reprinted a memo sent to New York Times staffers from Publisher Arthur Sulzberger, Jr., concerning the paper's gift policy. It read as follows:

As in years past, the holiday season serves as a good time to remind ourselves of our Company's policy on receiving gifts.
We are not permitted to accept gifts with a value greater than $25.
While this sum is low, it is intentionally so, for we must avoid the misunderstanding that a gift given (and accepted in all innocence) creates some benefit for the person who gave it. If you receive any gift valued greater than $25, please return it promptly to the sender with a note explaining this policy.

The Observer archly notes that this policy precludes giving TimesSelect ($49.95) as a gift, but we think the whole thing is no laughing matter. While we certainly understand the Times' desire to maintain the appearance of integrity, it saddens us to think that some of our favorite folks at the paper might not feel the joy of the holidays. After the jump we offer a few suggestions in case you've got a special someone over on 43rd Street with whom you'd like to share the spirit of the season. Feel free to chime in with your suggestions.

Arthur Sulzberger, Jr.: One share, Class A NYT Common stock, currently just under the limit at $24.11.
Maureen Dowd: Essence Pure Energy Vibrator. Renders men unnecessary for a mere $21.95.
Nick Kristof: One Cambodian sex slave. May require some bargaining to get under $25.
Joe Sharkey: Round-trip flight from Fort Lauderdale to Atlantic City, a near-freebie $16 on Spirit Airlines.
Frank Bruni: $3.99 Chicken McNugget Happy Meal, $20 gift certificate to iTunes.
Alex Kuczynski: Back-alley botox. It also might require some negotiation, but we can see multiple benefits in this one.
Randy Cohen: Six month subscription, Barely Legal.
Tom Zeller, Jr.: Adderall, the blogger's secret weapon. Our guy can get you four of the good ones for twenty bucks.
Bill Keller: The One That Got Away, by Howell Raines. At $16.50 on Amazon it's a bargain, and an icon of instruction about the importance of avoiding avoidable mistakes.
Cathy Horyn: Eastport backpack, $10 at Wal-Mart and MisShapes approved!
Sulzberger: No Gifts Over $25! [NYO]

Gawker Gift Guide Part One: Knowing Our Demo

Emily Gould — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:15:00 EST

As everyone knows, Gawker readers are classy, affluent individuals whose extreme productivity allows them plenty of time to stay up to speed on the important goings-on of the internet. And, like many refined, tasteful people, they're incredibly hard to shop for. As the Holidays approach, we thought we'd make like every other reputable news and entertainment outlet and provide you with a few gift suggestion that are tailored to the unique needs of the hip, savvy Gawker demographic. They're after the jump, conveniently broken down by reader stereotype.

FOR GAYS:

Gay marriage finger puppets make a great passive=aggressive gift for the children of your most intolerant relative.

FOR COKEHEADS WHO LOVE IRONY:
Haha, it looks like a McDonald's coffee stirrer, but it's a gold coke spoon! Oooh, so many levels. This one shows your drug friends that you didn't go to art school for no reason.

FOR HATERS WHO LOVE TO HATE MARIO BATALI:
Winding up little Mario and watching him walk blithely to his doom at the end of the tabletop will satisfy these giftees' twisted needs.

More to come as the holidays loom closer! And please feel free to send in suggestions.