One dude whose family has had a shop in Crown Heights for 30 years goes and opens a coffee shop. Then these other newcomers go and open a coffee shop right down the block, and now it looks like Franklin Ave. could see new bloodbath just like the bad old days:

The owners of the second shop posted a comment announcing their opening and boasting of purveying organic coffee. That provoked a pointed retort from the owner of the first shop, the Pulp and the Bean. "I won't be selling organic coffee (whatever that is) but I will have really good coffee," the owner, Tony Fisher, wrote.

Hopefully guns shall not be drawn. Just wait until the slighted nail salon owners weigh in to defend their pride. Coffee shops are one of our society's most cherished Love/Hate institutions, particularly in still-gentrifying hoods, where they are essentially huge flashing "Burn Me First When the Riots Come!" signs on boulevards full of, you know, nail salons and bodegas.

Which is fine, because coffee shops live on self-loathing. As Michael Idov writes in a long WSJ essay doubtlessly composed in a coffee shop, "At any given moment, a typical New York coffeehouse looks like an especially sedate telemarketing center...The laptoppers hog the tables, but they do the coffeehouse experience an even deeper disservice. They make it a solitary one, and it's a different kind of solitude from the stance sung by Hemingway. You're not just alone-you're in another universe entirely, inaccessible to anyone not directly behind you."

Yea, that's what I thought too, until I started working in a coffee shop on a laptop every day. Now I just want you to stop typing so loud. This isn't Romper Room. It's a god damn coffee shop.
[Pic: I Love Franklin Ave.]

Like so: A few short decades ago, the area above Tribeca ("Hudson Square," said the realtor) was a fucking dump. Now, it's populated by De Niro and Jay-Z and, you know, a plethora of other rich and famous Manhattanites. The city wants to put a garage for garbage trucks on the far West side of the neighborhood. So a group of concerned average citizens including Roger Sterling from Mad Men and various artists—presumably drawn to the neighborhood for its wonderful halo of long-gone industrial grit—are fighting the plan. For the good of everyone.

"We're no Nimbys," said Jana Haimsohn, a performance artist and neighborhood advocate. "Always in our dealings we look at the needs of the broader community."

Did you know that Louisville, Kentucky, has its very own version of the Meatpacking District, called Butchertown? Same story: former butchering district close to downtown that's now "being spruced up with art galleries and fancy shops," according to the Wall Street Journal. Now the Butchertown Neighborhood Association is working to move the last slaughterhouse out of the neighborhood, "Butchertown," with its wonderful halo of long-gone industrial grit.

"It's been an ongoing nuisance for people in the area," says Jonathan Salomon, a 34-year-old Butchertown resident and attorney representing the group. "We don't want to see anybody, especially during these times, put out on the street. But...we have to look at what kind of economic growth is good for the neighborhood."

Look, we're not against these people having jobs. But let's be honest—this neighborhood is not the place for those kinds of people. We're not against the city parking its garbage trucks somewhere—but they don't really fit in with the character of this neighborhood.

This is for the good of everyone. Reversals of gentrification will not be tolerated.
[Pic via]

It's all about the name. Which oil do you think smells most seductive: "Barack" or "Be Delicious Night"?

Since 1929? Impressive. I like the pricing flexibility in the sign. It's like a restaurant advertising: "Everything is Hamburgers, or chicken or vegetable." Can't lose, really.

Good place to shop for your white elephant gift?

This girl was so cute. First she was like, oh no, don't take my picture. Then a half-second later her cheeks were probably throbbing from all the camera-mugging.

We loved this guy. He had a copy of an old newspaper which had the same picture and pose that you see here. Only 30-40 years ago. It's his "Blue Steel"! He's lived in East Harlem for 59 years. I think he has a Puerto Rican Frank Sinatra look about him.

Apparently, the kids like to match their vest with the traffic cone and graffiti these days.

Awww, it feels so much safer in East Harlem these days.

See, I wasn't lying! Gang Gentrification will not let you down! (we kid the liberal do-gooders, but these guys and gals are with City Year and are doing wonderful things in the neighborhood. I presume.)

Look at all this pharmacy has to offer. Now ask if your downtown pharmacy is up to the challenge of being America's Next Top Pharmacy.

When was the last time you were in a bodega with your fancy-schmancy pogo stick?

There's only one rule in Spanish Harlem: you can't leave without getting your multi-colored icey on. Mmm, tastes like flan!

And that's a wrap for this summery spring weekend. Reach me at TAN if you need to. And I'll see you next Saturday. Same TAN-time, same TAN-channel.

Because as heavily dependent as Gotham is on the smoldering financial services industry, it's actually worse in many smaller cities and towns, probably due to all those boomtime real estate brokers, mortgage-banking call centers and other subsidiary industries. Florida, an "urban theorist," writes that the "New York area" gets 8 percent of its jobs from finance, close to the national average of 5.5 percent and compared with"28 percent... in Bloomington-Normal, Illinois; 18 percent in Des Moines; 13 percent in Hartford; 10 percent in both Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and Charlotte, North Carolina. "

Even more important: New York (and cities like Chicago) have dense professional networks, which take a long time to build.

For Florida, this explains why the world has had but three financial centers since the 17th century (Amsterdam, London, New York). Such networks also figure heavily in the city's dominance of other industries: "New York is more of a mecca for fashion designers, musicians, film directors, artists, and-yes-psychiatrists than for financial professionals," Florida writes.

Florida should be treated with some skepticism. It's early in the meltdown, and the author seems eager to comport the crash to his own longstanding arguments about the inevitable dominance of "Creative Class" cities. For example, he ignores impact of the financial services crash on industries supported by its wealth, those fashion designers and artists he's so fond of.

But the Times' article on the "bourgeois bohemia" of Eagle Rock, Los Angeles reinforces his idea that intra-city networks are hard to build.

One of the flood of recent newcomers to the town, a screenwriter, once dreamed of "a miniature Whole Foods," "a gastropub" and a "retro" diner lining the streets. But now amid the economic crash, "the shops at risk are the ones playing the Decemberists in a continuous loop," the Times writes, before quoting urbanist Joel Kotkin:

"The ecosystems of these neighborhoods are very fragile... Over-stimulation, and, in a recession, under-stimulation, and you have dangers."

In other words, Manhattan landlords can quickly cut their rents to attract new residents and industries in hard times. Places like Eagle Rock,which started cheap, face a much longer slog to build up dense communities of smart, like-minded people.

(Image via)

The Corcoran office on 120th street opened in 2005 (right on time for the housing boom, yea!) and is closing next month (right on time to regret your 800k condo on 145th St., yea!). You know what will be making a comeback now? Craigslist. Also, Harlem. Don't lose this map:

How do we know this? The self-styled media critic ("shit") phoned the news in to the Daily News himself, at three in the morning.

I'm being fired. It's because of you and all that coverage - some Russian lady is buying the building and she asked me to leave... You know, Russian people don't mess around."

Take that, Brooklyn. He also told the paper that his tenants were still not depositing their garbage correctly. (He once penned a note announcing he would leave the trash cans in the lobby as punishment: "You can all live with the smell; it don't bother me.")

The all-caps, Sharpied missives, which ignored all basic rules of syntax and punctuation—yet still rang true—ranged from "To the scumbag who ripped my Christmas decorations down from ceiling and put in front of my door. If I catch you I will kill you where you are" to "You tenants better stop being so stupid & retarded."

People bitch and moan about how New York has lost its cast of crazies to gentrification, and this guy was all character. Can't take a couple threatening notes calling people "low life cheap bastards who stole my big black umbrella"? Get outta here.

Beehive Hairdresser adds, "No one wants to take a picture of you and your dog for two bucks!" But how can you dislike anyone who takes his doggie for a ride on a mechanical pony?

Palazzo was the most recent and ambitious artist-designed real estate project, so it makes sense that it'll be the one to fall first, with its inability to sell and hubristic asking price. For 50 years artists have supplemented unreliable income from their work with real-estate gains.

Now New York is likely to experience the first significant decline in real-estate prices in decades. Artists may or may not find the city's neighborhoods more affordable; but Schnabel and others can no longer expect to share in the appreciation of neighborhoods they make hip. It's fair to say that there won't be large projects like this in the future, and that Schnabel will be regarded as the peak of the heady days of the artist-developer.

The subway ride was a level of hell I have not recently experienced on the MTA. An exhausted-looking man with three kids sat across from me the entire ride, alternately changing his shabbily-clad childrens' diapers and barking at them to "Shut the fuck up!" I kept hoping he would get off at the next stop, but he didn't: of course, he was going to Coney Island.

When the train pulled into the Surf Avenue station, bloodcurdling screams went up from the 9 to 12-year-olds on board. "Last day!" they cried, running towards the door. Mami already needed a beer.

The Astroland environment immediately transformed every child into a whirling, shrieking wraith. Everything was as it should be: a woman on the boardwalk sold jewelry and a pile of worn-looking panties off a table, four for $10. The the games, rides—which may be sold to the Middle East when all this is over—and shooting ranges were popping.

There were assorted camera crews there to document the park's probable death, as well as many lone white dudes with cameras. Maybe they all had photoblogs.

So, WTF was going on? I asked the man who manned the "Shoot Em Win" booth on Surf Avenue, near Astroland's gaping maw.

"It's going to hurt a lot of people. It's going to hurt a lot of working people," said Mike, who has worked this booth for "a lotta years." The Daily News reported Astroland as employing 75 year-round workers and 275 seasonal ones.

"Two shots, five bucks, win a stuffed animal," he told a young boy who approached the stand. The kid was dragged off by his older brother, who told him, "Don't spend that ten, boo." Mike isn't sure if Shoot Em Win will return next year—it's all up in the air.

So was it really closing? I asked the Black Scorpion, a Texas gentleman who had just performed as part of the Circus Sideshow—which will not close, as Coney Island USA own the building. His act involved tying his shoelaces with his so-called "lobster hands"—he was born with only three fingers on each one. "Looks that way," he sighed. People were lining up for a "Future of Coney Island" peep show in which we peered into dioramas that depicted what Coney Island might look like post-rezoning. It was not pretty.

So was Astroland gone for good? Probably. Maybe. Nobody quite knew, not even the park's employees. Your answer depends on how much of a cynic you are. Like the game where you squirt water into a ceramic clown's mouth, it's all just a crapshoot anyway.

I tried to win a dirty stuffed clownfish from the Claw machine, and lost two quarters.

[Photo: ElissaSCA's Flickr]

Inside the box is a "Bodega Cookbook," all about how to "eat well from your corner store." There's a silkscreened reusable shopping bag, party invites, and "Corner store-style flags - aka, perfect party decoration." It's $25 and part of the proceeds go to the Food & Liquour Project, which is meant to encourage people to buy at small stores and also encourage those stores to carry more produce.

To answer the question of "Why?"

"Eating out every night can get expensive. If you are known to get hungry and are a slave to convenience, then it's the no-brainer since corner stores are usually right down the block and full of ... food. Most of us aren't able to anticipate every single grocery need during our weekly mega-shopping trips to the big grocery store/farmers market/etc. Plus, independent corner stores usually help recycle money back into the neighborhood by hiring locally and helping out local folks and groups with informal arrangements."

Cute, it's like they are teaching the kids how to be urban!

As far as the "help recycle money back into the neighborhood by hiring locally and helping out local folks" thing goes—it's true, any job is a good job when you're unemployed. But let's acknowledge the way the many undocumented workers at delis, bodegas, etc. are often treated. Twelve-hour, six-day-a-week shifts are the norm in NYC, and they're sometimes paid below minimum wage and taken advantage of in ways that documented workers wouldn't be. Also, they send a lot of money back to their home countries. All I'm trying to say is: the bodega ecosystem is incredibly complicated.

Anyway, NYC the Blog summed up their feeling on the Bodega Party Box with this:

"Don't forget to invite the bodega owners, I'm sure they would love to come to a party where you pretend that being a hardworking immigrant in a foreign country is cause for a hipster party, while you eschew your daily purchase of coffee with warm milk for $1.00 at the bodega, instead opting to buy a book and some flags from somewhere else."

Previously on Gawker: Ghetto Pass: the Corner Bodega
Ghetto Pass: The Ghetto Chinese Spot

The religious double standard meme returned with a vengeance soon after this moment of civility. A commentator called the Brooklyn Flea "abjectly disrespectful to the Christian sabbath," and then declared that "You better not believe this would happen with Hasidic Jews." Boos. She ignored them, though, and raised her voice. "If it can't happen on a Jewish sabbath, it can't happen on a Christian sabbath!" A combination of boos and cheers followed. A man stood up and said he'd been in the neighborhood since 1987, when he "was attending Pratt and saw a fellow student get shot in the face in front of [his] dormitory." He called out the previous commentators for antisemitism, said he loved the flea market, and then began to sit down. Someone shouted, "where do you live?" He didn't say anything, and the shouts got louder. "Where do you live? Tell us where you live! Do you live around here?" It was absurd. Finally the guy stood up and said, "I live three doors down from here," and everyone grew quiet.

In Field of Dreams Iowa, you get called a Nazi cow for threatening to ban a 60's peacenik novel. In the outer boroughs, for harshing on the tchotchke vending.

[Racked]

[via Razor Apple]

Gentrification tends to slow down during a recession (or the current crappy economic blip; whatever you'd like to call it). These incidents may or may not be freak isolated occurrences, but it's almost like the media's waiting for the natural step during a recession: crime wave!

Perhaps the developers behind the fancy new buildings will install walls and armed guards to keep the huddled masses out—now, how to avoid reality on their walks to the J train?

Surprisingly, not everyone camping on line is African American - two white Park Slope residents, Rob Tanzer, 24 and Jake Feingold, 23, have also joined the group.

"We read about this on Curbed, and we just thought that being on this side of the fence seems like a far more authentic Brooklyn experience," explained Mr. Feingold, "We basically want the black community to know that not all white people are here to displace them; That really, we're part of the solution. And of course we're also down to get paid."

[Blognigger]

"I absolutely can't believe that they're going to put these United Colors of Benetton kids into a high-rise in the middle of downtown brooklyn. Talk about some post-apocalyptic shit. I grew up BLACK in New York, and even I didn't set foot in Downtown Brooklyn until I was 30..."

Now they got some camera-ready glossy-ass Real Dolls™ living in a rotating health club above where the old Church's fried chicken used to be.

...it's times like this I wish I was a real black guy, a thick darkskinned brotha from east flatbush with a big-ass 'fro pick, instead of my little software engineering over-educated ass, so that I could summon a crew of like-minded ignorant black gentlemen with nothing to live for such that we could go and beat the FUCK out of these little survivor wanabees and take a dump in their hottub."

1. You can also watch TV! "Between classic kids' shows on DVD (like Sesame Street: Old School and Schoolhouse Rock) and revivals, like the new Electric Company, you can re-live your childhood favorites while you watch your kids fall in love with Bert and Ernie."

2. Because it's easier to subject him or her to horrible music: "You Can Share Mix CDs
There's plenty of music that spans generations, but it's even easier to find common musical ground now that indie musicians like They Might Be Giants, Stephin Merritt and Kimya Dawson are releasing children's albums."

3. When in doubt, blame a troubled, mentally unstable former child star: "There's Always a Worse Parent In the News. No matter what you do wrong, you'll always be able to point to Britney's latest fiasco and say, 'Well, at least I didn't do that!'"

4. "Cloth diapers are easier to use and prettier than ever."

5. You'll be temporarily removed from the workforce—and trust us, we're scheming to steal your job.

[Photo: The Human Pacifier]

45 Reasons to Have a baby [Babble]

"Slapdash and haphazard renovations have led to the destruction of architectural detail, while modern additions to historic buildings sharply contrast with the neighborhood's scale and character. In 2007, permits were approved for the full demolition of 11 buildings on the Lower East Side, compared with just one in 2006. These developments, among others, signify the quickening erasure of the neighborhood's architectural and socio-cultural fabric...

A melting pot of cultures and nationalities, the Lower East Side remains central to the social history of the United States. Its preservation of 19th and early 20th century properties convey the story of immigrant home, health, entrepreneurship, labor, education and recreational life in New York City."

Well, at least the character of the neighborhood will be forever preserved on Grand Theft Auto IV. And on the plus side, the Bowery Boys have really calmed down lately.

[via Curbed]