After a long season of caped-superheroes and cars smashing into things, its probably only fair that we should then eat our vegetables and be forced to sit through a few month of loving portrayals of war, disease, genocide, aging, divorce, poverty and Hitler.

And there is nothing that gets development execs more excited than a torn-from-the-headlines bummer; after all, events like the Iraq War or the Economic Collapse have built in name recognition...and people have proven they are interested by living in a world dominated by them without killing themselves.

The problem, as Hollywood perpetually discovers, when it seeks to market its latest Iraq film for instance, is that when people look for entertainment (the condition they still amazingly associate with their visits to the multi-plex) they don't think of it in terms of shelling out a week's pay to be bludgeoned for two hours by a big screen version of the same hopeless depressing mess they've been forced to hear about all day on their cable news.

In the case of Up In the Air, the about to be released Oscar darling starring George Clooney as a downsizing specialist, the LA Times documents today the challenge facing the Paramount marketing department, as they attempt to get folks to come out of their homes to enjoy a fun-filled romp through the world of mass lay-offs. Apparently, the marketeers job has been made all the more interesting by director Jason Reitman's decision to tie the film directly to current conditions by cutting in clips of real-life laid-off people talking about their real life lay-offs. Now who wouldn't call that an evening of family fun?

Well, if you are a marketeer, wondering, how do I sell that, the answer is apparently, you don't. Despite a bunch of assurances in the piece that the film resonates well with grown-up serious people, the Paramount marketing department decided not even to try to sell that line to the public. The piece reports:

But the marketing doesn't dwell on the pain of layoffs. The theatrical trailer includes only a few quick glimpses of job-loss scenes. And the teaser trailer and two clips on the movie's website include no references to unemployment whatsoever. Instead, in selling the movie, Paramount is emphasizing Bingham's journey of self-discovery, his existential isolation as a corporate consultant who lives out of his suitcase and off an expense account.

"At its heart, the movie is about making human connections," said Josh Greenstein, Paramount's co-president of marketing. "That's so relevant in the world we live in today, where, with Twitter and e-mail, people communicate without being face-to-face." To make that point, the poster for the movie features Clooney standing at an airport terminal staring out the window, with the tag line: "The story of a man ready to make a connection."

Now if only they could find a way to make clear that all these Iraq films are not about guns, or killing, or the eternal quagmire of the Middle East but about, you know, guys hanging out and talking about guy stuff, really no different than any run-of-the-mill Judd Apatow film, then theyy'd really be onto a forumla for success.

Posting his chart on twitter, Reitman breaks down all the questions he's been asked in his Up In the Air press appearances. Shown in full the chart demonstrates first of all what a deadening experience it must be, sitting in junkets and having to answer, by his count, a full 111 times, "What's it like working with George Clooney?"

However, pulling up the number two slot, the world's entertainment journalists, sparked by the big contemporary issues raised by Up in The Air, asked Reitman 96 times about the economy. No doubt these were probing questions posed by the hard-nosed financial analysts of Ok! and Hello! to the director of Juno; questions we imagine along the lines of "So the economy,...isn't that just awful?" and "What does George think of the economy?" and "If the Federal Reserve were an ice cream store, what would be its most popular flavor?"

But hey, maybe those are just the sort of questions we need to be asking if this nation is ever going to think its way out of this mess.

Since losing their brand, life hasn't been right for the Brothers Weinstein. Could a name change though really bring back that magical English Patient era?

• Their company may be ailing, but Weinsteins are ready to make a play to get their name back. The Wrap reports that Harvey and Bob are preparing a pitch to Robert Iger to buy back their old Miramax brand now that Disney has all but shuttered the division. When they left Disney, The Wrap reports, Michael Eisner refused out of spite to let them take the name — which is a hybrid of the Weinsteins' parent's names - with them. But with Disney now under less vengeance driven management the Weinsteins hope is that the time be be ripe for an historic reunion . [The Wrap]

• George Clooney is reportedly "circling the lead" role in the long awaited new film by Sideways and Election director Alexander Payne, a family drama/comedy entitled The Descendents. [Variety]

• Suggesting that Oscar's new producers may be taking a step away from from the Hugh Jackman mold, Nikki Finke reports that the hosting job has been offered to and turned down by both Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. Which means there is only one Tropic Thunder star left to host...Jack Black, your day of destiny has arrived. [Deadline]

• Hollywood is saved! In earnings season, Viacom reported "better-than-expected third-quarter profit gains thanks to improved theatrical film and TV advertising trends, as well as cost controls." Marvel however, ruined the party by reporting lower profits in Q3, as they had no theatrical releases last quarter. Thanks for nothing Marvel. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Sony Classics has picked up the US rights to Mother and Child a drama about three women and their children, which received gushing reviews when it debuted at the Toronto Film Festival in September. [Variety]

• Diversity is at last coming to late night TV. Fifteen years after Arsenio Hall went off the air, the next few weeks will see the debuts of talk shows built around George Lopez (TBS), Wanda Sykes (Fox) and Mo'Nique (BET). [The Wrap]

• The Atrios are in! The casting society of America handed out their annual awards at a banquet last night, giving top honors to Star Trek, Mad Men, Up and Milk. Kath and Kim's John Michael Higgins hosted the fete. [Hollywood Reporter]

• Most brilliantly understated headline of the morning: "Paranormal Activity sequel a possibility. Viacom CEO Philippe Dauman reveals Tuesday." Yes, well there is always that chance that Viacom has decided they've made enough money this decade. [Hollywood Reporter]

• The unsinkable Jim Belushi juggernaut rolls on. The According to Jim vet has signed up with Diane English and Barry Levinson to create a courtroom TV drama based on famed defense attorney Mickey Sherman. [Variety]

• Christopher Walken makes dead chicken sit up, stuffs the Eiffel Tower up its ass, and serves it with pears to discerning cat. It's all very French. [Ezra Klein]
• Angelina Jolie slept with her mother's boyfriend when she was 16 because Andrew Morton says she did, but she definitely did not have sexual relations with Rosie O'Donnell who once talked to her on the phone and was instantly terrified. Donald Trump would like to learn that trick but his combover won't let him. [Dlisted]
• George Clooney makes triumphant return to TV! By sending us a Memphis cop/ Elvis impersonator who lives at home. Yup, sounds like drama. [Movieline]
• Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig are starring in some play - perchance you've heard of it? Just walk to Broadway and follow the screams. And now they're going on double dates together. New York has never been prettier.[Lainey Gossip]
• Bea Arthur is a Golden Girl. She willed $300, 000 to The Ali Forney Center, an organization that helps homeless LGBT youth.The Center plans to use the cash to buy housing for 12 youths and name the building after her. [Towleroad]
• Michael Jackson's latest and last movie, This is It, will debut this weekend. Dame Elizabeth Taylor, who has seen a few movies in her time, thinks this one beats them all hollow. "If you listen to his lyrics," she twittered, "they are those of a modern day prophet and it beseeches us to listen to him and what he sang." Roger Friedman agrees. Jeffrey Wells, on the other hand, has a headache and isn't willing to put out to the Smooth Criminal. [Hollywood Elsewhere]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller, notorious drama magnets and ex-lovers currently working in the same part of the same city, are "self-destructive, self-defeating, horny". Can they remain apart? NEVER! [Celebitchy]
• Brit Hume has guerrilla/pirate fantasies about Obama. [LA Times]
• Diane von Furstenberg got mugged in Spain. However, the next day the Spaniards gave her a "big award" so she's all right. [Page Six]
• P Diddy grabs his junk on a balcony in Rio, offends blogger who runs offensive website who then says offensive things about him. [Drunken Stepfather]
• Mandatory Gosselip Update: Could our long national nightmare be over? HA! As if. [NY Post]

• Whitney Houston showed up on a British TV talent competition where she nearly burst out of her gown and appeared out of it during an interview. Houston managed to keep her dress on after one of the straps broke, but she couldn't remember when her album comes out in the UK. Further proof that crack is indeed whack. [Daily Star]
• 
  
• Sources tell Page Six that Paris Hilton has a three-page movie set rider that includes demands for vodka and live lobsters, but her reps are denying the story. Usually celebrity spokespeople are full of it, but this time, they may be telling the truth. Paris Hilton never eats. There's no way this lobster thing is true unless crustaceans have replaced chihuahuas as the hot animal to be seen with on the red carpet. [Page Six]
• 
  
• Sara Coleman had a baby with hip hop hook specialist Akon. She's seeking child support and says the singer is hiding out from her lawyers. Akon says he doesn't understand why anyone would have trouble finding him because "I'm a celebrity.. my schedule is on the internet, you can go on my Myspace, you can go on my web site, it'll tell you where I'm at." Here is where I insert the obligatory joke about how I didn't realize anyone still had a Myspace page. [TMZ]
• 
  
• George Clooney wants you to know that making millions while sleeping with an endless array of beautiful starlets won't necessarily make you feel "happy" or "complete." Sure thing George. [Mirror]
• 
  
• John Stamos says he was smashed when he insulted a reporter on Australian TV. The living embodiment of nineties nostalgia says he "was on sleeping pills and I was jet-lagged, but I was also just plastered" during the awkward 2007 morning show appearance. [Access Hollywood]
• 
  

• Michael Jackson confessed to a guy named Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (or to the headlines: "Rabbi Shmuley" that he (1) looked like a lizard, (2) wanted to lock the gates of Neverland and never come out, (3) would've killed himself if it wasn't for the kids, (4) had a crush of Princess Diana, (5) wanted to date a widowed Katie Couric, and (6) that Madonna was jealous of him, wanted to have phone sex, "laid down the law" in regards to NOT going to Disneyland [Ed. She would.], and tried to unsuccessfully initiate phone sex. Even as someone who turns through gossip pages by trade, I have absolutely no idea what the fuck to do with this information, suffice to say that it's completely blowing my mind right now that Jackson could get a rabbi to listen to his shit like shit. Do you people know how hard it is to get a rabbi on the phone? These guys dispense guilt for a living, there's no confession for the Jews. So I'm thinking this Shmuley guy's a crook. Has to be. No real Rabbi has the patience for that shit, even if you are Michael Jackson. Meanwhile, this information, of course, is contained in a book called The Michael Jackson Tapes, which I have no desire to read and wish were actually just twelve demo versions of "PYT" and four of "Wanna Be Starting Something." Mama say what? [NYDN]
  
  
• Penelope Cruz visited a preggers clinic and, with Javier Bardem, is going to be giving birth to the hottest Spanish baby since Jesus started appearing on candles. [NYDN, replete with "OMG" prefixed headline.]
  
  
• John Travolta's having an emotional "collapse" over having to testify over the death of his son, Jett, in the paramedic extortion case. This is so sad, I started thinking about it and maybe got a little teary. Like, really, though: how do you live through something like this? Even Vincent Vega could not be cool, let alone the real John Travolta. Also, you know, why do we need to know this? I don't know. Here: [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• McKenzie Phillips' stepmom is mad at Oprah and her daughter for taking her family laundry out to Oprah after her Phillips' father is dead. Everyone else is like STFU MCKENZIE PHILLIPS' STEPMOM, MORE ABOUT THIS INCEST BIZNASS PLZKTHX. Ah, the insatiable public thirst for pertinent information. [US]
  
  
• Khloe Kardashian—famous for being the sister of Kim Kardashian, who's famous for having a large ass—is now flashing around her engagement ring to Lamar Odom, who's famous for being an L.A. Laker. Now, on Khloe and Lamar's Whirlwind Romance Tour, one thing has yet to happen: Lamar has yet to play an NBA game. Mark my words, here and now: he's going to suck this season, and there's going to be only one thing to blame it on: the loss of brain cells, or the inactivity of certain synapses one needs to perform both complex motor skills other than man-on-top and involved, stimulating conversation. L.A., you reap what you sow. There should be legislation designed to prevent this kind of shit. You think Cleveland would let Lebron take a girl home that wasn't mother-approved? That mother, of course, NOT being Kris Kardashian. No. They wouldn't. [US]
  
  
• Har! George Clooney needed a doctor and his driver in Italy took him to a dentist. Good thing he didn't hurt his penis. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Anna Paquin's dog is going to be her ring-bearer at her wedding to True Blood co-star Stephen Moyer, because Anna hates children. Actually, I have no idea why she's having a dog be a ring-bearer, or how it's going to work, or what kind of dog it is, because I'm not going to spend another minute working on this item. I'm in a mood today, right? Anyway. Dogs! If I had a dog be my ring bearer, basically, I'd find the cat it hates most and tape it to the floor at the foot of the altar and let it go at the back of the church and pick up the cat right as the dog gets there and grab the ring off of his collar. Or that's how the plan would work. Inevitably, it wouldn't, and hijinks would ensue, though this ambition probably lowers the probability of me getting married to anything but a vaguely Eastern European clown-by-trade by at least five percent. Maybe six. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Is Sam Ronson spreading rumors about Lindsay Lohan being all over town getting kicked out of places like the Bowery Hotel? Probably. Are we past the point where we care whether or not they're true? Probably. [Page Six]
  
  
• Neve Campbell's going to return for Scream 4, but nobody gives a shit because they killed Randy in Scream 2. Though it's nice to see Neve Campbell again, I have nothing nice to add to this except to say that Scream 2 had an exceptionally good soundtrack. One example: D'Angelo's cover of Prince's "She's Always In My Hair," which first appeared on it, as well as the Eels "Your Lucky Day In Hell." God, Scream 2 kinda had some decent stuff going for it (Timothy Olyphant, anyone?), didn't it? [US]
  
  
• Speaking of Party of Five alum, Jennifer Love Hewitt still knows she's hot, and doesn't give a shit what you think, because she can talk to ghosts and you can't. [Page Six]
  
  
• Lily Allen performed a gig with diarrhea. This is funny because her music is poop. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Gerard Butler hates diets. Every time a celebrity is like, I LOVE to eat fast food, I'm like, fuck you, die, because you don't actually love it and you're just telling people that you do so they'll get fatter and you'll stay the same. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Courtney Love is just a moron. Courtney, if you're reading this, you're a moron. Seriously. You're smoking cigarettes inside elevators on the way to the penthouse for Fashion Week afterparties? I mean, I guess whoever would have you at their party would be cool with it, since you're there in the first place and they expect the absolute worst, but Jesus, don't you have a daughter, or, like, more of Kurt Cobain's estate to sell-out and consequently shame? Oy. [Page Six]
  
  
• Charlie Rose is annoyed that he has to find sponsors to back his show, but honestly, he could probably just hit up all the titans of industry he helps broker deals between for cash. Rose doesn't like to be a peasant and hit up his homies. Sorry, Charlie: that's life on the big public TV. You don't hear Tavis Smiley whining like a little bitch about Jim Leher's money, do you? No, you don't. STFU. [Page Six]
  
  
• Snoop Dogg recently fessed up to being a fan of 90s British sitcom Keeping Up Appearances. Now, let's think about this for a moment: Doggystyle came out in 1994. Keeping Up Appearances went on the air in 1990 and ended in 1995, arguably at the height of Death Row Records' (violent) reign over rap. So imagine, if you will, Snoop D-O-Double-G sneaking onto the tour bus during a particularly hard party to get high and giggle at Patricia Routledge. Well, unfortunately, he *claims* to watch it on BBC America, where they still show it. Don't believe the spin. [The Sun]

• Jessica Simpson is holding out hope that her beloved pooch Daisy still walks among us, despite the fact that she saw it snatched by a coyote. We're not sure which is more sad: the dog's apparent death or the fact that Simpson thinks it could still be alive. [Star]
  
  
• Tom Delay, the former lawmaker who is now on Dancing with the Stars, has been injured after his old ass body couldn't keep up with the show's high-stepping ways. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Sean Penn doesn't let the grass grow under his groin, for the actor has moved on from Robin Wright with a model named Jessica White. [NYDN]
  
  
• Here's a shock: Samantha Burke, the woman knocked up by Jude Law, has been talking to publishers to get the highest price for an interview and pictures of her new-born love child. Asking price: $200,000. That's one pricey call girl, huh? [Page Six]
  
  
• Rudy Giuliani's gay friend Howard Koeppel insists the former NYC mayor won't run to be the state's Governor. Well, that's a relief! [Page Six]
  
  
• Bill Clinton wanted Hillary to be Al Gore's vice-president. That obviously didn't pan out.... [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• How rude! A Ukrainian church has called Elton John, a known homosexual, a "sinner" after his aborted attempt to adopt an orphan from the country. [NYDN]
  
  
• Oh, good Christ! As if Taylor Momsen weren't already on a highway to hell, the poor girl's now saddling up to Lindsay Lohan. [Just Jared]
  
  
• Meanwhile, Lohan has been bringing her little — 15-year old — sister to night clubs. Shouldn't this help build a case against Lohan's mother, Dina. It should. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Haha! While Whitney Houston's enjoying new-found success, Bobby Brown's griping about the fact that he's fat. Bloated, we thinl but let's not get picky. [TMZ]
  
  
• George Clooney said he would rather have a man's cold finger up his bum than have a Facebook page. Hmmm... [Page Six]
  
  
• British "model" Katie Price says someone famous once raped her, but her ex-husband doesn't seem to know what the fuck she's talking about. We wonder why. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Megan Fox says she would never own a gun because she would shoot someone, like boyfriend Brian Austin Green. He was better off with Donna Martin, no? [Page Six]
  
  
• Ricky Gervais once said it was alright for a funny man to be over-weight, but now he's slim and svelte and, some think, simply too thin. We think there's no such thing! [3am]

• No big deal has yet come out of the acquisitions market at the Toronto International Film Festival, but buyers are said to be circling a fairly large number of films, including the one outings from indie darling directors Atom Egoyan, Todd Solondz and Werner Herzog. The Israeli film Lebanon which took the top prize last week in Venice is said to be the subject of intense jockeying. [Variety, THR]

• Meanwhile the star wattage has burned bright. The weekend belonged to George Clooney who as anticipated, sent the press into a titter supporting his pair of new films. Next up: Drew Barrymore with her directorial debut Whip It and Mariah Carey and Oprah supporting perhaps the most buzzed about film of the fest, Precious. [The Wrap]

• At the Toronto International Film Festival to promote his new film, The Informant, Steven Soderberg has sold the financing for his next film, to be entitled Knockout from Lion's Gate and Relativity Media. [Variety]

• Knockout may, however, prove to be the last Steven Soderbergh film ever. Speaking to The Daily Beast about his plans to retire from directing and take up painting, the director said of The Informant and his desire to go out on top, "If everyone in America will go see it, and make it a hit, then I PROMISE I will retire." [The Daily Beast]

• As expected, the box office weekend belonged to Tyler Perry, America's most reliable deliverer of 20 million dollarish opening weekends . I Can Do Bad All By Myself was Perry's third highest opener taking in an estimated $24 million. The animated 9 took in $10.9 in a smaller release. America, clearly turning its back on quality in entertainment, passed on Sorority Row which earned a mere $5.3. [Box Office Mojo]

• All eyes are tuned on NBC's ratings tonight, after the bow of the new Jay Leno show, with seemingly all of Hollywood praying for disaster. [THR]

Classic movie star looking, quip-shooting, cause-mongering, caring deeply about the arts, a star who actually writes... Mr. Clooney's status as Hollywood's dream man has survived unscathed through uneven — at best — box office and so-so at best pet projects.

Moviegoers may not be head over in heels in love with him (no film he has made that did not also star Brad Pitt has gone over 50 million since 2000's Perfect Storm) , critics can often take or leave his films, but Clooney still soars like an eagle above the film world, unsullied by setbacks which would have brought low a dozen lesser men of the screen.

And so when Mr. Clooney arrives in Toronto, it is not as a man desperate for a comeback, but as the reining King, bringing along with him two major films with Golden Globe written all over them.

The knight of the cinema arrives direct from the Venice Festival, where the salivating of one TV reporter over George caused Indiewire to explode,

why are the journalists at film festivals so goddamned STUPID? Their questions tend to the dimmer side of sub-normal-barely one step up from "If you could be any kind of tree, what tree would you be?" — and their behaviour is either boorish, or breathtakingly ignorant, or both. Sure enough, at the end of the session, in another monotonous ritual, they rushed the stage to beg for autographs, presumably in the belief that they hadn't yet demeaned themselves or their profession enough.

The Clooney mambo train kicks off in Toronto Saturday night with the premiere of Up In The Air, a film so dripping with understated prestigeyness, you'll want to put on a tux just to watch the trailer. Directed by Jason Reitman — auteur of Oscar's beloved Juno! Based on a novel by celebrated literati Walter Kirn! About a downsizing expert, it deals with contemporary issues! And it comes certified by Telluride where it received "kudo heat" according to Variety.

The second Clooney onslaught comes with The Men Who Stare at Goats. Produced by George, directed by his long-time collaborator Grant Heslov, the film once again takes Clooney into his favorite world of national security — with a wacky twist — telling the story of a secret Defense Department psychic ops unit. The film is already being described as an "Oscar Wildcard."

Poor Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany, however, did not sweep into Toronto under a blanket of goodwill, affection and hero worship. After opening the festival with their Charles Darwin biopic Creation they are all but being run out of Canada. Anne Thompson wrote, "This movie bears all the earmarks of a group of people trying not to churn out yet another biopic, desperately searching for drama and conjuring up nothing but flapping boredom."

And Movieline declared of the plot:

their heavy investment in that father-daughter dynamic yields the stuff of exposition, not drama, and Darwin the scientist (and the husband) is reduced to a brooding, whimpering intellectual parody who wouldn't be so out of place in a Woody Allen movie.

Sucks not to be George Clooney around here.

•The Toronto International Film Festival, the traditional start to the Oscar race, opened last night with the premiere of Creation, a Charles Darwin biopic starring Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany. The debut was marred by protesters angered by the festival's decision to use its "city spotlight" feature to focus on Tel Aviv. The protesters have not called for a boycott of the festival, although one Canadian documentarian withdrew his film. Among the TIFF's most anticipated films, the Ivan Reitman directed Up In the Air starring George Clooney which premieres tomorrow night. [Variety]

•Hopes may be high for Monday's debut of the primetime Jay Leno show but rates are low. Advertisers can buy a slot on Leno's show for about half what they would generally pay for a drama at the same hour. [WSJ]

• Tyler Perry looks to continue his box office stranglehold this weekend. His new film I Can Do Bad All By Myself faces off against the animated 9 Projections place Perry raking in around 20 million before Monday. [LAT]

•Producer/former studio chief John Calley will receive the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences honorary Thalberg Award this year. Special awards will also be given the Lauren Bacall, cinematogapher Gordon Willis and Roger Corman. The awards will not, however, be presented at the big show in March but at a special luncheon, safely off the primetime airwaves. [Variety]

• NBC has denied reports that SNL star Casey Wilson was fired for being overweight. E!Online had reported that producer Lorne Michaels had demanded Wilson lose 30 pounds and dismissed her when she failed to meet his goal. [TheWrap]

• Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page and Liv Tyler have singed on for Super, a superhero genre spoof. [Variety]

• Gwyneth Paltrow's cup runneth over during a security check in Barcelona. Translation: he tits were popping out like something awful. [The Sun]
  
  
• Sorry, world, but Megan Fox insists she'll never have a sex tape. Not one that you'll see, at least, which we find kind of surprising. [Us]
  
  
• An Italian reporter stripped down and begged George Clooney for a kiss. He was rebuffed. [E!]
  
  
• It will please you all to know that Jennifer Aniston still believes in love. Whether the elusive emotion still believes in her remains to be seen. [NYDN]
  
  
• Janet Jackson will offer a tribute to her late brother at MTV's VMA awards. Sources say she's not only looking to honor Michael's memory, but also to make the world forget her Superbowl nip slip. [MSNBC]
  
  
• You know how conservatives are always crying, "Think of the children?" Well that's exactly what CNN Airport network did when they banned a PeTA advert in which Pamela Anderson strips passengers of their cruel, animal haberdashery. Said the network to PeTA, "[we're] particularly sensitive because children make up part of the demographic in airports." [Page Six]
  
  
• Shawne Merriman's ex-girlfriend joined his side in the Tila Tequila domestic violence battle. The woman, Gloria Velez, insists Merriman never laid a hand on her. [TMZ]
  
  
• Chris Robinson, the Black Crowes singer best known for once marrying Kate Hudson, has impregnated another, far less famous woman. [Star]
  place? [Page Six]
  
  
• Kate Hudson's wearing a diamond ring, which has some people wondering if she'll marry A-Rod, but we think it will never happen, because, you know, it just won't. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Ali Wise, the Dolce and Gabbana flack accused of hacking into interior designer Nina Freudenberger's voicemail, has the strong support of her former boyfriend, hotelist Jason Pomeranc. He calls her a "great girl" and insists the alleged crime was nothing but "playful." Aren't ex-boyfriends the best?! [Page Six]
  
  
• Bet.com's former executive editor, Andreas Hale has loads to say about his former employers, and is currently taking on "the unprofessionalism, the tomfoolery, the favors, the misappropriation of resources, the bad ideas that reinforce negative stereotypes" that run rampant across the site's team. [Page Six]
  
  
• Kourtney Kardashian and her baby-daddy are getting along swimmingly and even finding time to dine with Kevin Federline. Can you believe we just wrote that without puking all over the place? [Page Six]
  
  
• Aww! Sexually ambigious singer Mika invited all of his Twitter friends to a bar to get trashed and then he paid the £25,000 tab. [The Sun]

• Sherri Shepherd says she's been trying to help Andy Dick turn his life around by leading him to God. She says that he'd call her in the middle of the night seeking guidance and she even brought Dick to the Pentecostal church she attends but he wound up hitting on everyone there, including the pastor's wife. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Heidi Montag claims that her little boy-goblin husband delivers 20-30 orgasms per day for her. Imagine how much she'd get off if she were actually boning a real man on the regular! [Page Six]
  
  
• Kim Kardashian's mouth may actually be bigger than her ass! Apparently, little sister Kourtney was trying to keep the name of the guy who knocked her up a secret to create drama on her new reality show, but Kim went and blabbered all over the damn place and screwed it all up. [Page Six]
  
  
• Is George Clooney gay? That's been the dirty little rumor for some time now, and now Brad Pitt is doing his best to fan the rumor flames, just as any good pal should. [Sun]
  
  
• Why don't the single ladies want to bone Nick Lachey? He reportedly went out to Avenue the other night and got a table and tried to get ladies to come over and hang with him, but he wound up having a party of one for most of the night. [Page Six]
  
  
• Somebody hired Lindsay Lohan! She's filming a movie right now in Texas titled, Machete. Sounds like a masterpiece, no? [Sun]
  
  
• Kanye West's girlfriend Amber Rose says that Kanye was undeterred by her past as a bi-sexual stripper when they started dating. Well, duh! [Mirror]
  
  
• Mischa Barton has one of the weirdest bodies ever! One day she'll look really slim and pretty in a photo and the next she'll be bloated and now she's riddled with cellulite in her legs. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Vincent Kartheiser, the guy who plays Pete Campbell on Mad Men, says that this season of the show will be especially brilliant and uses the word "asshole" a lot when talking about his character. [Starpulse]
  
  
• Good God Victoria Beckham looks like a monster in these photographs of her heading into work as a judge on American Idol. [Daily Mail]

• Nicholas Cage is being chased by authorities for over $6-million in back taxes they say that he owes. This would seemingly explain why he's been selling off so many of his real estate holdings over the past year or so. Now seriously, how does a guy making at least $12-million per film get into this sort of situation? [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Oh dear. Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson appear to be making another run at it, which is probably good for humanity as it'll restrict the various strains of social disease carried within their loins from mutating into the general population. But still, enough already. [Sun]
  
  
• Rumors are swirling that there might be a Sopranos movie in the works. Lorraine Bracco hinted that the cast is just waiting for the right script, while Stevie Van Zandt said that his character is definitely still alive. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• George Clooney took his new "lapdance model" girlfriend out for a motorbike ride in the Italian countryside with Rande Gerber and Cindy Crawford. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Director Guy Ritchie is sort of turning his new Sherlock Holmes movie starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law into a gay film. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jude Law supposedly met the mother of his new child on the street after a club they were both partying at closed for the night at 4am. He then took her to a diner and after they went back to his hotel room. How incredibly romantic! [Sun]
  
  
• Dina and Michael Lohan actually hung out together at a benefit over the weekend without killing each other. No sign of Jon Gosselin, unfortunately. [Page Six]
  
  
• Britney Spears is showing off a new look—platinum blonde hair! It's just nasty, but then again, so much better than the bald look she formerly sported. [Mirror]
  
  
• Sonia Sotomayor was spotted "out east" over the weekend shopping for fried chicken, naturally. [Page Six]
  
  
• Jack Nicholson is still out there doing his thing, partying it up with women young enough to be his granddaughter in exotic locales. The picture of him here dancing with the girl doing the limbo or whatever made me laugh out loud. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Mischa Barton had a "disastrous" dinner with friends in West Village the other night, where witnesses said she was chain-smoking and rambling on and on about a stalker. [Page Six]
  
  
• Here are photos of Jennifer Lopez's ample booty in a skimpy red bikini. [Daily Mail]

• Jessica Simpson wanted a Barbie-like existence with Tony Romo, so much so that she wanted him to dress up as Ken (and her as Barbie) for her birthday party. If true, this is sad on five different levels, chief among them: (1) the relating of inanimate objects to having a desire to inhabit their manifested-in-reality counterparts, (2) the ideal for a relationship that is now absolutely shattered, something that was probably fairly delicate and precious to her, (3) the stark realization that this existence simply doesn't exist in life, but the existence of having a breakup because you (insanely) wanted to make your boyfriend dress up as a Ken doll and that was the braking point? That existence is very, very real. Honestly, just blame all of this on Joe Simpson. Did you know he had an Arcade Fire song written about him? It's true. Anyway, this filled me with a deep sadness the way, I don't know, reading Arthur Miller plays can. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Lindsay Lohan got a job in the new Robert Rodriguez movie. It's a full-length version of Machete, which was initially conceived as a trailer for his joint collaboration with Quintin Tarantino, Grind House. So: she just attached herself to a pretty decent project. Let's hope she shows up to work on time. [D Listed]
  
  
• Saved By The Bell cast members banned Screech from the reunion because (A) he's a perv and (B) he's writing a tell-all and (C) they had to bring him along for the College Years, didn't they? Zach Morris aka Mark Paul Gosselaar noted: "What is he going to say?" Gosselaar asked sarcastically. "We were (bleeping) groupies at 14?" which is kind of funny. They weren't! [NY Daily News]
  
  
• Kate Gosselin bought a condo in Rockville, Maryland: definitely not ex-husband Jon's Manhattan Piyimp Pad, but it'll do for now. It's apparently an hour away from her bodyguard, and also: Kate's dating a bodyguard, Jon's dating a twenty-something girl and walking around wearing Ed Hardy. Wow. It's like someone beat their cosmic existence with the Iron Book of Cliche. But E!'s running a nice picture of her smiling, so that's nice. [E!]
  
  
• George Clooney has a girlfriend who at one time modeled nekkid, and some blogs have picked up the pictures. [Egotastic]
  
  
• Awesome. Mary Cheney is a total diva, just like her neo-con sociopath of a dad. No, really: that's what the item's about. Her sister would get a new SUV for her secret service detail, and Mary would be like, why isn't that one mine? And they'd be like, well, because you're the lesbian and we want to keep you as far in the closet as possible. Literally. Okay, last part isn't true, but probably. [Page Six]
  
  
• Gerard Butler likes to check out girls without being spotted by paparazzi, apparently, which is, uh, tragic? Especially when you're doing it at parties? [Page Six]
  
  
• Favorite gossip item of the week: Jasper Johns and Edward Albee, sitting around, telling jokes about turtles. I kid you not. [Page Six]
  
  
• Prince William's girlfriend Kate Middleton gets business advice from Richard Branson. I get business advice from the guy at my laundromat who thinks tax evasion is legal. Unsolicited, but appreciated nonetheless. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Rapper Drake tried to hit the stage while recovering from an injury and fell; his knee buckled out from under him. More and more, I'm starting to think his career is just a viral DeGrassi ad campaign. [TMZ]
  
  
• Charles Manson is running a business in prison, and having guys pen his signature for him, and thus, is still manipulating people into doing his bidding. Gotta hand it to him, though, for his entrepreneurial spirit. What's next, a blog network? Also, he makes "cloth scorpions," so if you were even remotely concerned about whether or not he's still totally fucking creepy, well, he still is. [Page Six]
  
  
• Mark Wahlberg got married. He said hi to everyone's mother in person. [People]
  
  
• Emma Watson wants to start her own fashion label, and it's going to be "green," and more magical than all the other fashion labels. It will probably perform light magic to counteract the dark magic of Mugatu-esque designer Karl Lagerfeld. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Amy Winehouse hired a private investigator to spy on her ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil's every move so when they go to court, she can list all the reasons why nobody should ever give him a penny. But Hollywood, are you listening? Amy Winehouse and a Private Investigator is the potential new hit of the fall season, and surely, we could crush Mad Men's chances at ever winning another Emmy. Get in on it before I actually sell this. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• The Twilight people launched a website for their new movie and somewhere, thousands of trackpads have already been broken with the furious clicking of their psychotic teenage owners. [E!]

• Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow were on Howard Stern's show and they took the opportunity to give Katherine Heigl a good trashing. You may recall that Heigl had some critical things to say about Knocked Up after the film made her a star, saying that it "paints women as shrews." Speaking about Heigl's new film, The Ugly Truth, Rogen said, "That [movie] looks like it really puts women on a pedestal in a beautiful way," while Apatow added, "I hear there's a scene where she's wearing underwear with a vibrator in it, so I'd have to see if that was uplifting for women." Everybody hates Katherine Heigl. [Us Weekly]
  
  
• Crazy old Joe Jackson has confirmed that the Norwegian man rumored to be Michael Jackson's biological son, Omer Bhatti, is indeed Michael Jackson's biological son. [Daily News]
  
  
• K-Fed is still packing on the pounds. Like, dude is large. And Britney, that trollop, is mocking him behind his back, going around calling him "K-Fatter-line" to all her friends. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Jessica Simpson employs the most expensive grooming handlers in the world and she will probably send Viacom into bankruptcy with her new VH1 reality show's outrageous hair and makeup budget. [Page Six]
  
  
• A new book on Robert Redford claims that he basically wanted to kill Scarlet Johansson when he directed her in The Horse Whisperer in the late 90s. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Poor Sienna Miller. Her newest shag-buddy, Balthazar Getty, has run back into the arms of his wife, while she's drowning her sorrows at The Box on the Lower East Side. For shame. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• The mother of Jude Law's latest child has been revealed to me Samantha Burke, an aspiring model and actress. [Mirror]
  
  
• Here is George Clooney's new "lapdance model" lady-friend dressed as a nun with her boob hanging out. [Sun]
  
  
• You have to admit, for a woman of any age, much less a woman of 40, Jennifer Aniston looks pretty damn good. Why can't poor Jenn find love?! [Daily Mail]

Anderson recruited George Clooney, Meryl Streep, and Bill Murray to voice the characters from Roald Dahl's cherished kids' story. Though it looks a little jerky, there are some lush visuals. Take a look!

Ok, time for some real talk! With Aquatic Life and Darjeeling Anderson's once precious characters became irritating because they lost their spontaneity — whimsy is not a substitute for insight, you guys. But maybe Fantastic Mr. Fox will force Anderson away from the smug hipster trope and we'll be able to fall in love with him again. Unless of course, there is a romantic subplot involving a pan-ethnic possum who shows Mr. Fox the true beauty in an mundane life. Booo!

• Jude Law will soon become a father for the fourth time. His spokesperson issued a statement last night confirming that he knocked up some unnamed girl he had a "relationship" with last year. Jude, just go have the ole snip-snip done if you're unwilling to wrap up. Geez, it's reversible. [EW]
  
  
• Friends of Mischa Barton are concerned that she's being released back into the wild way too soon. [Daily News]
  
  
• Mel Gibson was out partying with one of his many Russian girlfriends when a Life & Style reporter posing as a fan tried to get a picture of him, which caused Mel to snap and unleash his biblical passion upon the lowly tabloid journalist and her friend, whose shirt he ripped up. [Hollyscoop]
  
  
• Oh this is just heartbreaking—Michael Jackson's children formed a circle by holding hands and prayed frantically while paramedics attempted to revive their dad in their home. [Mirror]
  
  
• Dan Aykroyd bombarded the kitchen of some swanky East Hampton restaurant and starting yelling at the chefs that all of their dishes were "rubbish." He then jumped behind the bar and began slinging drinks to everyone. [Page Six]
  
  
• Does anyone care about Jennifer Lopez anymore? Regardless, she and her husband Marc and their kids celebrated her 40th birthday in Rome, just in case anyone does care about Jennifer Lopez. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• According to the Mirror, George Clooney's new squeeze is a "lapdance model," meaning that she's a Italian model who loves to get drunk and give nude lap dances to men. George Clooney is a man to be celebrated. Here he is on a motorbike with his "lapdance model." [Mirror]
  
  
• Michael Showalter says that appearing on Letterman's show is like walking into your own television set, among other things. [Starpulse]
  
  
• Anna Wintour has gone power mad and is planning to invade Bulgaria because she has always wanted to rule a country in the Black Sea region. Or something. [Page Six]
  
  
• Amy Winehouse's father says that he faked a heart attack to try to shock his daughter into kicking her addictions to heroin and crack and God knows what else. His efforts failed. [Daily Mail]

ABC has officially announced its new schedule. Mondays are basically the same. Tuesdays will feature new reality show Shark Tank, plus Dancing with the Stars results shows (to be replaced by Better Off Ted and Scrubs once the Dancing season ends) and The Forgotten, a new Jerry Bruckheimer crime type drama that features a guy I know. So, congrats Anthony! Wednesday night will be a big ol' comedy block of new sitcoms (including the Courteney Cox vehicle Cougar Town—which features Dan Byrd from Aliens in America and, um, A Cinderella Story). Buzzed-about Flash Forward replaces Ugly Betty in the Thursday 8pm slot. That gay fantasia on fashional themes has moved to Friday 10pm. [Variety]

NBC has yet to formally announce their new season, but Law & Order has already been renewed for a big-time 20th season. Let's put that this way: babies that were born when the show started are now going to be juniors in college. Hooftie! Time! [THR]

DreamWorks has gone and bought the rights to the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and will produce a biopic about him. And, actually, forget that George Clooney whispering. We hear that Johnny Depp is in talks to play the civil rights martyr. [Variety]

At Cannes, two George Clooney projects are all the buzz! Oooo! First his Men Who Stare at Goats (costarring Jeff Bridges, Ewan MacGregor, and Kevin Spacey) has been picked up by Overture. Clooney also inked a deal to star in the movie adaptation of Martin Booth's novel A Very Private Gentleman, about a quiet Englishman named Mr. Butterfly who lives in Italy and secretly makes weapons for assassins. So it's The Jackal meets Under the Tuscan Sun. Terrific. [Variety]

Finally, Lars von Trier is still an asshole. [THR]