Dozens of minor celebrities are currently crisscrossing the country to collect piles of cash for nightclub appearances. Snooki gets $10,000. Kim Kardashian is yours for $50,000. But why do promoters pay? They tell us they have no choice.

As we prepare ourselves for the excitement of Eliot Spitzer's return, we should remind ourselves what the onetime governor of New York stood for: accountability, responsibility, and banging three different hookers in a single day.