America is over. Where can an immigrant get a fair shake from a welcoming government? Germany.
These 5 Paralyzed Dogs Love Playing Fetch in Their Wheelcarts
These five dogs in wheelcarts prove they're just as into chasing sticks as any "normal" mutt. Although some of them have survived awful, traumatic lives, a typical day now consists of walkies (wheelies?) with friends, writes Gritta Goetz, who operates an animal sanctuary in Lanzenhain, Germany.
Erasing Brazil From the Germany-Brazil Match Doesn't Change Much
Here's yet another highlight reel of Germany's dominant 7-1 performance against Brazil in the World Cup semifinals. Sure, you've seen it all before, but this version has some minor touchups that only really detail-oriented viewers will appreciate.
Germany Kicks Top CIA Official Out of the Country
Germany announced today that it's asked the top CIA official at the U.S. embassy in Berlin to leave the country. The expulsion comes just days after German officials launched investigations two possible U.S. spies have been investigated in Germany.
Pornhub Begs Users to Stop Uploading Video of Germany Fucking Brazil
Germany's 7-1 defeat of Brazil in last night's World Cup semifinal match was so brutal, so extreme, that viewers couldn't resist comparing it to two things: the Holocaust (classy!) and humiliating public sex.
Germany Investigates Second Potential U.S. Spy in Berlin
German police searched the apartment of an alleged spy in Berlin this morning, according to the New York Times. If this person spied for the U.S., as several military sources told the German paper Süddeutsche Zeitung, he would be the second such spy Germany's found in two weeks.
Germany's lower house, with support from "conservative" Chancellor Angela Merkel, has approved the nation's first-ever minimum wage. The baseline pay rate will be 8.50 Euros an hour, roughly $11.56 today, 59 percent higher than the United States' federal minimum wage.
Man With Only One Arm Fined for Riding His Bike With Only One Brake
Bogdan Ionescu was slapped with a £20 fine by police and chastised for riding his bike in Cologne, Germany with only one handbrake, even though he only has one arm. Authorities finally apologized and reimbursed him—three months later.
Nazi Germany's "Perfect Aryan" Baby Was Jewish
In the 1930s, the Nazi party began issuing propaganda featuring the image of a "perfect Aryan" child. If you were looking to build a master race of adorable white people, you could do a lot worse: Hessy Taft, the model, had round eyes, a charmingly surprised expression, and a perfectly tousled tuft of dark hair on her…
Psychic Clam: U.S. Will Beat Germany in World Cup Match Today
Clam, the psychic clam who has never incorrectly predicted a World Cup match in which the U.S. won, has applied his (their?) psychic talents to today's match against soccer powerhouse Germany—and is predicting a surprise U.S. victory!
House of Worship for Muslims, Christians, and Jews Proposed In Berlin
A new proposal in Berlin is seeking donations for its so-called House of One, a multi-purpose house of worship for Christians, Jews, and Muslims. The building will hold a synagogue, a church, and a mosque all under the same roof.
Former Nazi Concentration Camp Guard Arrested in Philadelphia
An 89-year-old man was arrested at his house in North Philadelphia this week on charges of aiding and abetting Nazi atrocities while working as a guard at the Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps during World War II.
German Store Accidentally Sells Romantic Hitler Tea Cups
Dainty tea cups enrobed in poetry and roses showed up at Zurbrüggen stores in Germany bearing the face of Adolf Hitler with swastika to match. The image of the former Nazi dictator is banned in the country, but no one seems to know how this happened.
Former Porn Actress Booted From Neo-Nazi Party For Miscegenation

German actress Ina Groll left the pornography industry in December, re-inventing herself as a cheerleader for the National Democratic Party (NPD), Germany's premier Nazi cosplay club. Now she's been kicked out of the NPD because some horny skinhead onanist found a clip of her having sex with a black guy.
Adolf Hitler Revives As Stand-Up Comic In New Novel Translation
Timur Vermes, a German ghostwriter, penned a nationally best-selling novel satire about Hitler. Originally published in 2012, MacLehose Press is finally releasing the English translation of Vermes' literary debut, Look Who's Back (Er ist wieder da), next week.
I Can't Stop Watching This Insane Commercial for a German Supermarket
Judging from this commercial, German supermakets are much more fun—or at least more bizarre—than their American counterparts. The commercial—titled "Supergeil"— stars a 58-year-old musician named Friedrich Liechtenstein, who, over the course of the video, pours milk into his bathtub, eats ice cream in a random…
