But, you know, kind of wonderful. Especially when she does her Nixon impression. We'd like to hear her read this column out loud.

As Jack Kennedy used to say, and so eloquently, here you can really stick it to him and break it off.

And speaking of JFK, try to seize back a bit of the issue of health in general. Remember physical fitness and vigor and 50 mile hikes on the C&O Canal? Completely captured the public imagination. JFK himself didn't do it, he wasn't insane, and he had the bad back. He sent Bobby and that fat Pierre Salinger. Anyway, go with that: personal responsibility, strength, health. Steal it from the Dems. But don't imitate their censorious tone: ‘Ya can't smoke, put down that doughnut.' Let me tell you, doughnut eaters are the largest growing demographic in America. Don't get crossways with them!"

Hah. Can you imagine this coming out of her patrician mouth? No, but seriously, it's a very good Nixon pastiche, except not once does it say anything about the Jews. Come on, Pegs! You know Zombie Nixon would have plenty to say about the Jews!

Oh, but before Nixon advises the modern GOP to... lobby for Tort Reform (booooooorrrrrring!), Zombie Franklin Roosevelt appears before Obama and tells him to expand the politically popular Medicare program to all Americans, and call it the National Health Service. That would be a government-funded single payer national health insurance system, like they have in socialist Canada. It is a wonderful idea! We would let Zombie Nixon have his stupid "you're not allowed to sue doctors who maim you" reform if we got single-payer in exchange!

We know Peggy has always cared more about pretty words and fanciful narratives more than actual policy but now she is basically Bernie Sanders with a hard-on for cowboys.

Billy filmed infomercials for Mighty Tape and the Mighty Putty Super Pack (do you really need both? Yes) before he died, and now that a suitable amount of time has passed (two weeks), the company is all set to roll 'em out.

"Billy loved being on camera. He loved making money for the companies that hired him," Sullivan said. "He'd roll over in his grave if the ads were being pulled off the air."

What a...great, great thing. Buy some tape, this tape is his legacy.
[LAT, NYP]

Boomp3.com

An ectoplasmic life form in the shape of one time musician Courtney Love terrorized a local Malibu strip mall on Tuesday afternoon. The grunge icon floated from boutique to boutique, leaving behind a trail of fine green viscous goo while on a mission to find a pair of killer boots and jeans. Shelley Jones, an unsuspecting customer, was harassed by the malevolent force and wasn’t too happy about it. Jones said, “I’m trying on these jeans and I’m partially dressed when out of nowhere Courtney Love’s torso pops through the side of the dressing room mumbling something about a size 4 jeans. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to call for help, but what kind of help are you going to get at a snotty boutique?”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

"We've been making Who Would You Rather? a little too easy on you lately, asking you to choose between two sexy, talented people. But sometimes we like to take it back to the What Would You Rather of our youth (you know, like, go down on your mom or lose a leg?). These two candidates came to mind after a recent conversation with friends ended with an argument over who is the most obnoxious female in the history of the world, Nancy Grace or Rachael Ray."

• "fuck/marry/kill:

  chuck
  nate
  dan"

• "You are amazingly sad, you clearly have very little going on in your life that you would be stalking someone on the internet. Of course it was clear that you are were an older woman jealous of Julia. The fact that she is successful and attractive and I imagine life did not turn out the way you expected, I almost feel sorry for you. The fact that you are so full of bile and hatred that is just eating you up inside, cannot at all be fun.

  It then turns out that you are a fortysomething Seattle lawyer, divorcée, that certainly makes sense, older, check, uglier, check, husband kicked your ass to the kerb, check. Yep pretty much as expected.

  Of course once you are exposed then turnabout will clearly be fair play and you can't cry about it then when people are analyzing you online and posting you for ridicule. I for one look forward to that.

  Bye bye for now."

  And, this lovely piece of something:

Yahoo even reportedly bailed on the project. Spielberg has other, better projects in new media like his decent-looking video game, so why dabble in the sad world of vanity social networks?

Launching a social network is nothing special; there are scads of bad ones, including several big-budget failures. The Financial Times has its media-execs-only network. Variety has the Biz, a "social network" that's little more than a job board. None of this little world screams "big-time movie producer" to me. The only thing that could justify this is if Spielberg ties the site to his next paranormal film. Sadly his next sci-fi deals with black holes, not UFOs.

Merger Would End Satellite Radio's Rivalry
[NYT]