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New York, 2:21 AM
Sun Nov 29
12 posts in the last 24 hours

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  • posts about #gifts more →

    Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?

    Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present

    Give The Gift Of Snow

    Diamond Sales Set To Skyrocket In Opposite World

    Stephen Colbert's Gift Bag

    Buy Kareem Abdul-Jabbar A Birthday Present!

    'Times' Makes Gift Shopping Simple For Employees Who Hate Their Families

    Rejoice! Hollywood's Crappy Gifting Season Is Here Again!
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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of iplaudius iplaudius
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    It put hair on his chest. And a monkey on his shoulder.                          


     
     Reply
    iplaudius was starred iplaudius was unstarred
    Image of BadUncle BadUncle
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    I prefer breast beer.
     Reply
    BadUncle was starred BadUncle was unstarred
    Image of BookishLookish BookishLookish
    06/15/09

    @BadUncle: That reminds me of when I was a bartender and I would once in a while make money off rubes who did not believe I could balance a champagne glass on my rack and drink out of it "look, Ma, no hands" style. I was once dared to and tried it with a glass half full of beer and was shamefully defeated. "You need at least a D cup to do that, dummy," was the guy's response. I had been had by a more experienced grifter!
     Reply
    BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    06/15/09

    @BookishLookish: Barkeep, about my tab; yeah, I have this great idea and so I'm willing to go double-or-nothing on it if you'll just....
     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of SaraRueful SaraRueful
    06/15/09

    @BookishLookish: How does that work? And why didn't the beer work? PM me if you want -- I've got a big rack and need a new shtick. I'm getting too old for bar fights.
     Reply
    SaraRueful was starred SaraRueful was unstarred
    Image of BookishLookish BookishLookish
    06/15/09

    @SaraRueful: PMing you!
     Reply
    BookishLookish was starred BookishLookish was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    06/15/09

    @SaraRueful: Something tells me your present shtick is probably just fine, but I applaud the tendency toward constant improvement nevertheless. We can all improve something.
     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of Kid Twist Kid Twist
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    The Santaland Dairies.
     Reply
    Kid Twist was starred Kid Twist was unstarred
    Image of CaptainFantastic CaptainFantastic
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    The monkey is appropriately rolling its eyes.
     Reply
    CaptainFantastic was starred CaptainFantastic was unstarred
    Image of Trulymadlyme Trulymadlyme
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    Truthfully? A random pregnant woman passed him the creamer canister in Starbucks. But that sort of antidote won't get you published in the New Yorker
     Reply
    Trulymadlyme was starred Trulymadlyme was unstarred
    Image of The Defeatery The Defeatery
    06/15/09

    @Trulymadlyme: Neither will that sort of anecdote.
     Reply
    The Defeatery was starred The Defeatery was unstarred
    Image of I Don't Get It I Don't Get It
    06/15/09

    @The Defeatery: I kind of liked it as antidote. I was wondering what half and half could possibly cure.
     Reply
    I Don't Get It was starred I Don't Get It was unstarred
    Image of BadUncle BadUncle
    06/15/09

    @I Don't Get It: It cures the need to drink breast milk, for one.
     Reply
    BadUncle was starred BadUncle was unstarred
    Image of Trulymadlyme Trulymadlyme
    06/15/09

    @The Defeatery: Luckily, I'm not trying, foolio.
     Reply
    Trulymadlyme was starred Trulymadlyme was unstarred
    Image of nicepony nicepony
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    Sedaris recycles the same 5 stories every couple of years and gives them a new cover. Doubt the milk story ever happened.
     Reply
    nicepony was starred nicepony was unstarred
    Image of rabbitangstrom rabbitangstrom
    06/15/09

    @nicepony:

    Just like that comment is recycled every couple of months when Gawker runs a story concerning Sedaris.
     Reply
    rabbitangstrom was starred rabbitangstrom was unstarred
    Image of WhiteMan'sBourbon WhiteMan'sBourbon
    06/15/09

    @rabbitangstrom: Whatevs. Sedaris is an overrated hack for people who never met a bitchy queen before and therefore think he's hiLARious. And that goes double for his painfully untalented sister. I saw her stupid play "The Book of Ruth" a few years ago and I swear I was the only person in the audience who didn't engage in a competition to see who could laugh the loudest at her sophomoric jokes to prove how "hip" I was.
     Reply
    WhiteMan'sBourbon was starred WhiteMan'sBourbon was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    06/15/09

    @antisocialite: When posting comments of this kind, it may be useful to demonstrate that the poster is not simply humor-impaired in general.

    "It's not funny," by itself, is one of the least enlightening criticisms ever. Which people who have functioning senses of humor probably do tend to realize, on some level.
     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of WhiteMan'sBourbon WhiteMan'sBourbon
    06/15/09

    @skahammer: So the fact that I'm currently laughing at you validates my post?
     Reply
    WhiteMan'sBourbon was starred WhiteMan'sBourbon was unstarred
    Image of skahammer skahammer
    06/15/09

    @antisocialite: If I had said something funny, it might.


    But laughing at a situation one finds uncomfortable is not really evidence of a sense of humor.


    Saying something funny -- that would be more like it.

     Reply
    skahammer was starred skahammer was unstarred
    Image of misslinda misslinda
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    If she also offered him a chocolate chip cookie, I might forgive him.
     Reply
    misslinda was starred misslinda was unstarred
    Image of Smitros Smitros
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    What one would expect from a monkey-toucher.
     Reply
    Smitros was starred Smitros was unstarred
    Image of son of spam son of spam
    06/15/09

    In reply to Indeed, Why Wouldn't He?
    And that's how you catch teh gay.
     Reply
    son of spam was starred son of spam was unstarred
    Image of Wrapitup Wrapitup
    06/15/09

    @son of spam: Wha? No, it's an STD.
     Reply
    Wrapitup was starred Wrapitup was unstarred
    Image of registered registered
    04/04/09

    In reply to Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present
    QE2 is really small. I never noticed that before. The Obamas tower over her.
     Reply
    registered was starred registered was unstarred
    Image of shag_carpet_bomb shag_carpet_bomb
    04/02/09

    In reply to Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present
    It's fine, he'll do what MY family does when I give them a framed photo from one of my art shows. Replace the 'art' with a picture of the dog and put it on the mantel. ('OH?!? did you TAKE that picture? OH? oh.
     Reply
    shag_carpet_bomb was starred shag_carpet_bomb was unstarred
    Image of Heather_Chandler Heather_Chandler
    04/01/09

    In reply to Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present
    The comments on the Telegraph site are more embarrassing than all the bad gifts in the world put together.
     Reply
    Heather_Chandler was starred Heather_Chandler was unstarred
    Image of cdmunch cdmunch
    04/01/09

    @Heather_Chandler: Yeah I often think this site is full of nutjobs and then I see something like that... Wow, what a bunch of awful human beings. Hopefully when WWIII comes around, Britain will be on the opposite side.
     Reply
    cdmunch was starred cdmunch was unstarred
    Image of VoxPopuli VoxPopuli
    04/01/09

    @cdmunch: It seemed like most of the nutjobs posting there were Americans, actually. But I only got as far as page one - I couldn't bear to go on. It seems the far right has found out about puttin' the ol' co.uk on the end of those there fancy computer addresses.
     Reply
    VoxPopuli was starred VoxPopuli was unstarred
    Image of Dagrolord Dagrolord
    04/01/09

    In reply to Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present
    I don't know...that cheesy look on the Queen's face. I bet she's hoping somebody counts the silver.
     Reply
    Dagrolord was starred Dagrolord was unstarred
    Image of miss_msry miss_msry
    04/01/09

    In reply to Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present
    Gordon Ramsay is Prime Minister? How often did he have to be "bleeped" during his fu**ing meeting with the Prez?


    And Michelle needs to get some better pearls.


    And from the looks of the Queens mantle, I'd say she's gotten some pretty shitty presents over the years.

     Reply
    miss_msry was starred miss_msry was unstarred
    Image of VoxPopuli VoxPopuli
    04/01/09

    In reply to Obama Gives Queen Another Crappy Present
    What does Lizzie carry in those purses anyway? I'd like to think it's condoms and a one-hitter.


    Seriously, the one woman in the world who never needs to carry a purse in her life and there's always one dangling from her arm.

     Reply
    VoxPopuli was starred VoxPopuli was unstarred
    Image of Baroness Baroness
    04/01/09

    @VoxPopuli: I don't poke smot anymore, but I treasured my one-hitter when I did. It was a gorgeous work of art, and even at High Mass, no one could tell who it was. I enjoyed that.
     Reply
    Baroness was starred Baroness was unstarred
    Image of Oy Veh (Informality Reigns) Oy Veh (Informality Reigns)
    04/01/09

    @VoxPopuli: That's where she keeps the keys to the Kingdom.
     Reply
    Oy Veh (Informality Reigns) was starred Oy Veh (Informality Reigns) was unstarred
    Image of MincnglyWhrdL'mer MincnglyWhrdL'mer
    04/02/09

    @Baroness: (cough) or so you thought
     Reply
    MincnglyWhrdL'mer was starred MincnglyWhrdL'mer was unstarred
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