Tomorrow is the big day when Apple announces its new "iPad 3." Or will it be called the "iPad HD?" Who gives a shit, really? Same gadget either way. Get a hobby.

If there's one thing America needs more of to solve its obesity crisis, it is flashing electronic doo-dads. And pricey customized gizmos. Combine these with exercise video games, and brother, you are the fitness person of the future!