Responds Rep. Steve Scalise (R. Louisiana): “I demand an immediate apology from Michael Moore to the people of south Louisiana for his offensive and inappropriate comments. People in Louisiana, regardless of political affiliation, are making plans to leave to protect their families from this serious storm, and the God I know would not share Michael Moore’s glee for our plight.”

Um, yeah, Moore said an idiotic thing. But could the congressman have maybe included more people than just his constituents in his demand for an apology? [FoxNews via OhNoTheyDidn't]

What's funny about this "debate" before cartoonish Stuart Smalley-esque touchy-feely evangelical megachurch pastor Rick Warren and his million followers is that we know Obama's gone to church every week for years and the closest we've seen McCain to worshiping Yahweh is when that North Vietnamese prison guard he borrowed from the Solzhenitsyn anecdote scratched that cross in the sand. (Amusingly, this plagiarism was first noted by the right-wingers of Free Republic back when Conservatives hated McCain for being a MAVERICK.)

But what matters, obviously, is not actual religion conviction—or even the facade of conviction that actual church-attendance lends—but kowtowing to morons. McCain, who first bit his tongue to appeal to his party's idiots about five years ago and has not yet let up on it since, won the debate by proudly announcing that he has the moral authority to recognize and personally wipe out evil in all its forms, while Obama foolishly went for the "humble and meek" vote. The pundits will probably call it his "complexity" problem but he actually erred in sounding like a real Christian. McCain, not even sure which denomination he is supposed to pretend to be, only had to assuage these politically exhausted evangelicals that, like Republican presidents before him, he would ban abortion forever and shut down the ACLU and make it a crime for newsreaders to not wear flag pins.

And, while everyone rightly says Obama "lost" the debate, it also happened on a Saturday night during the damn Olympics, and as we already said, just showing up for the photo-op was more or less the entire point of his attendance. Hooray for Michael Phelps!

Wright, the pastor whose controversial sermons got the Democratic presidential candidate in hot water during primary season, mentioned the book in a spring address to the NAACP, and that it was coming out by the end of the year. But few guessed that Wright was planning a release date that maximizes risk to his former congregant.

Wright's usual publisher, Judson Press, doesn't seem to have the book on its roster. Anyone know which publishing house is financing the political poison capsule? In the meantime, maybe try and decipher what the book is going to be about, from its mention in Wright's NAACP speech:

40 years ago, Dr. Anthony (inaudible) quoted in '68 the Kerner report stated that they were two different Americas. And for 40 years one of those Americas has acted as if they were the only America. But all of that now is in the past. I believe a change is coming. Because many of us are going to change how we see others who are different...

So let me give you the outline of the rest of this message. You can either fill in the blanks for yourselves or you could wait for my book that will be out later this year...

Number one, many of us are committed to changing how we see ourselves. Number two, not inferior or superior to, just different from others. Embracing our own histories. Embracing our own cultures...

Many of us are committed to changing how we see others who are different... Many of us are committed to changing, number three, the way we treat each other. The way black men treat black women. The way black parents treat black children. The way black youth treat black elders and the way black elders treat black youth...

The way we treat the latest immigrants because everybody in here who's not an Indian do be an immigrant. Some of you all came on a decks of ship and some of us came on the bows and hauls of the ship, but we all are immigrants. The way we treat non Christians and folks who don't believe what we believe, we're committed to changing the way we treat each other. The way Sunis treat Shiites, the way Orthodox Jews treat reformed Jews. The way church folk treat other church folk. The way speakers of English treat speakers of Arabic — Maasalam al hal.

Please run and tell my stuck on stupid friends that Arabic is a language, it's not a religion. Barack Hussein Obama. Barack Hussein Obama. Barack Hussein Obama. They are Arabic-speaking Christians, Arabic-speaking Jews and Arabic speaking atheists. Arabic is a language, it's not a religion. Stop trying to scare folks by giving them an Arabic name as if it's some sort of a disease.

Same people thought that the Irish had a disease. When the Irish came here. Did you hear my me O'Malley? O'Reilly? They thought you were - well they might have been might, the way we treat each other, many of us are committed to changing the way we treat each other...

Well, he hasn't lost his incendiary touch!

[via Trendhunter]

I think the idea that the Obamas are branded as unpatriotic [let alone as terrorists] in certain sectors is preposterous. It seemed to me that depicting the concept would show it as the fear-mongering ridiculousness that it is.

Rachel Sklar, who jumped on the story over at the Huffington Post, isn't buying it:

...it's got all the scare tactics and misinformation that has so far been used to derail Barack Obama's campaign — all in one handy illustration. Anyone who's tried to paint Obama as a Muslim, anyone who's tried to portray Michelle as angry or a secret revolutionary out to get Whitey, anyone who has questioned their patriotism— well, here's your image.

Right, because if there's one source right-wing scaremongers love to cite, it's the New Yorker!

Jake Tapper of ABC News agrees with Sklar:

Knowing the liberal politics of the magazine, I believe the magazine's staff when they say the illustration is meant ironically, as a parody of the caricature some conservatives (and some supporters of Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y.) are painting of the Obamas.

But it's still fairly incendiary, at least as these things go. I wonder what the reaction would be were it the Weekly Standard or the National Review putting such an illustration on their covers.

Intent factors into these matters, of course, but no Upper East Side liberal — no matter how superior they feel their intellect is — should assume that just because they're mocking such ridiculousness, the illustration won't feed into the same beast in emails and other media. It's a recruitment poster for the right-wing.

So participants in important political discussions, especially those who have loud voices by dint of talent, power or medium of publication, should tailor their self-expression in such a way that it can't possibly be misappropriated by extremists! Gee, that sounds familiar.

Well, this is the part in the campaign where we find out who among Barack Obama and his supporters truly do want to set aside the melodramatic hysterics that have cropped up around political dialog in this country over the past seven years, and who is instead destined to join the extreme right in opposing a long and proud American tradition of brazen free speech and rough-and-tumble dialog that have all too often been set aside in recent years in the name of sensitivity — patriotic or otherwise.

Or maybe I'm just touchy because these anti-French-defamation people weren't happy with my own caricature of stereotypes over the weekend. Whatever, talk amongst yourselves!

[Huffington Post]

While traveling this week with my family out of the country, my IT department investigated accusations, which we have now learned to be true. A senior staff member failed to be transparent in dealing with client matters. He has taken full responsibility.

We have been in business since January 2003 – and according to O’Dwyer’s 2007 rankings our revenues exceeded $11.5M, and we are the 21st largest independent PR firm in the United States .

Growing companies often have problems in their expansion, and we continue to strive for the highest performance. We have instituted internal measures to ensure this cannot happen again. We continue to strive for the highest ethical standards.

This battle is not about blogging, it is however about protecting the highest levels of Kashrut in the Jewish community. We, as a firm. feel personally and professionally passionate about these and related issues. Critics of traditional Judaism, who have in recent days targeted the Chabad-Lubavitch movement, have chosen to smear the largest provider of the highest quality Kashrut meat in the world. We stand with protecting Kashrut.

[Failed Messiah]

Fox has a fantastic story and gets to mock Jesse Jackson, and Barack Obama finds the spectre of "militant," scary-to-whites black people distancing themselves from him without him having to sell anyone out! Seriously, will the white people who watch Fox News think, upon hearing this tape, that they are forced to side with Jesse Jackson? Will Bill argue that Obama has sold out the black community by calling for more personal responsibility and less reliance on the government, which seems to be what Jackson thinks?

Or will everyone just pile on Jesse, like always, and help Barry win over those blue-collar whites Chris Matthews thinks are so important?

WAS THIS WHOLE THING ENGINEERED?

Pimping your own wedding out as a way to score media coverage: tacky? Yes, it is. And inexplicable. An editor at a prominent celebrity magazine forwards us the pitch:

Subject: My Destination Wedding would be a great story for your publication....

My name is Christine Garabedian. My finance and I are planning a destination wedding on March 7, 2009 in Miami Florida. We both live in the NY/NJ area and thought it would be really cool and fun to have our entire family and friends come down to Miami and celebrate our wedding. We have well over 100 people attending and have filled 3 days with activities including a cruise around Miami with a luau on the evening before the wedding, a golf outing, a 6 hour reception and a brunch to conclude the weekend.

This is our wedding website - [REDACTED. God, we are so nice]

We are also getting married in NY on Feb 21, 2009 so all those who cant make it to Florida can also be a part of our wedding.

As you can see our wedding is quite an experience for anyone attending and we are making sure it will be an unforgettable trip.

We have arranged fireworks, cigar rollers, bongo players and fire dancers to be a part of the celebration.

We are both 27 years old. I work as a Finance manager at a faced paced PR firm. I have a wedding planner in Miami who is EXTREMELY helpful.

We would love to be a part of your publication and share our fun filled experience with everyone.

I look forward to hearing from you!!

The pledge reads in part: "I will uphold and apply the highest standards of integrity and ethics. This includes helping others by minimizing harm and showing compassion.... I will act independently and be accountable for my actions."

In the unlikely event I eventually get a decent job with a real newspaper, I will accept my inevitable buyout with grace and good humor. If I go into TV, I will genuflect to Tim Russert and accept his disdain with pride. I will not blog.

All 72 members of the class are expected to sign the pledge, according to Editor and Publisher, and then Journalism will be saved hooray!

HIV has been found in saliva and tears in very low quantities from some AIDS patients. It is important to understand that finding a small amount of HIV in a body fluid does not necessarily mean that HIV can be transmitted by that body fluid. HIV has not been recovered from the sweat of HIV-infected persons. Contact with saliva, tears, or sweat has never been shown to result in transmission of HIV.

Oh, Texas. You never cease to make us want to give you back to Mexico.

This recent Financial Times piece about West Virginia voters quotes a "lifelong Democrat":

"I heard that Obama is a Muslim and his wife's an atheist," said Mr Simpson, drawing on a cigarette outside the fire station in Williamson, a coalmining town of 3,400 people surrounded by lush wooded hillsides.

Mr. Simpson, that does not even make sense. You think a secret radical Muslim would marry an atheist? Even if it was purely to piss off Christians? Sleeper agent jihadists are not known for their tolerance of Enlightenment principles!

Seriously, West Virginia, we are going to give you back to Virginia unless you can demonstrate that you can handle statehood again. And no one wants that.

The two buildings of (mostly illegal) lofts, full of idiot kids in stupid pants and two olds, are renowned for their loud parities, ridiculous band rehearsals, and chewy chewy bed bugs. Wouldn't it be super to watch Amilynn from Ole Miss trying to nail some plywood together to create a bedroom? Or to gawk at troubled, angry water polo player Nickariah (from Duke) try to sex some girl who only eats tempe, cigarette butts, and old cans, like a common goat? That would be the real fake Real World. Plus then us quiet (read: scared) folk in the slightly sleepier neighbs wouldn't have to deal with camera crews crowding our most horrible bars. Are you listening MTV? Sell that tricked-out thing on North 8th! Pack your bindles and head on over to McKibbin.

The Real World Brooklyn. For Real. [Observer]

[Times]

Local politicians say it will take more than a well-decorated storefront for Obama, the Illinois senator, to make headway. "He's going to have to visit," says Bob Pasley, who adds that Obama should come prepared to answer "tough questions," including some about his religion.

"Is he Islamic or is he not?" Pasley says of Obama, who is Christian. "I know he's tried to talk about it but he hasn't looked anybody in Wayne in the eye and told them."

• Walnuts!
• God DAMN America
• 45 seconds of Mike Gravel not saying anything.
• "Heidi Montag is a very talented actress."
• "Hill-Rod"
• "Can I ask you about your, uh... why you're so angry?"

We'd link to downloadable mp3s of those classic moments, but we really don't want anyone to actually have "political ringtones." Except "God DAMN America," that one's awesome.

I must admit that I did get a bit giddy when Stephen came back. He's so nice and apple-faced (I don't really know what that means either), such a welcome change from bloated, snail-ish Jason and that old slick Willy, Brody. He said nice things and let her show him flowers! He took her to a nice dinner and didn't ogle other girls or say stupid things! Oh but wait. He, um, doesn't actually like her that way. And so Lauren was left sad and ponderous, as she always is, eating ice cream with the increasingly vicious ("You warm my little black heart!") Lo. So yeah, I guess there's some pathos there. But, um, didn't we see this on the entire first season of Laguna Beach?? When you run out of plot lines for real people, who in theory, um, do things, then I think you've got a problem.

Which leads us to the three biggest idiots working in "showbiz" today, Heidi Montag and the Pratts Spencer and Stephanie. What exactly were we supposed to get out of the Stephanie/Spencer scene in which an entire coffee shop had obviously been cleared out so they could snipe at each other from unseen cue cards? ("They're related to each other??" my roommate asked desperately.) Then Stephanie, whose presence on the show makes the world a worse place, trotted over to Heidi's for some more canned conflict. The sad part was they didn't even seem to feel like trying. "Whaaat?" asked a laconic Heidi when she found out that Stephanie was planning to attend a party for Lauren's (ridiculously beautiful) new house. "I don't know how this happened" mumbled Stephanie, who decided half-heartedly to stay in with Heidi and watch a movie. Blahhhh.

I'm not going to get into poor Audrina, spirited away in that little guest house, peering through the blinds at the Laurens LC and Lo, whining to her prince of the dim night boyfriend Justin Bobby. Because I don't care. I sincerely don't care anymore. I think I'm done with this show. They've clearly given up and decided I'll watch whatever gray piece of poop they serve me, and I'm not going to give them the satisfaction. I'm never watching this show again.

Until next week.

John Paul II made Peggy cry, you see. Like, every single time she saw him, or thought of him, or looked at the framed picture she has of him on her desk next to the framed picture of Ronald Reagan bowling with Jesus. Ratzi, though—"John Paul made you burst into tears. Benedict makes you think."

(The use of the second-person in this column, as in all Peggy Noonan columns employing it, will eventually wear down your spirit and drive you mad. "Benedict, the reporter noted, is the perfect pope for the Internet age. He is a man of the word. You download the text of what he said, print it, ponder it." I... I do? Why??)

Oh, yes, that Internet age thing. Peggy means that Ratzi writes very intellectual speeches about vagaries of Catholic dogma, and also how the Islamists are demons who we need to destroy, because they're currently doing a better job of recruiting desperately impoverished third-worlders than the formerly reigning champion Catholics, but whatever. It all sounds to us a bit less "information age" than some other "ages" we could name.

Also wouldn't the first Pope of the Internet age deliver Mass not in the original Latin but in comical LOLSpeak? Or perhaps in the form of a 10 Ten List of YouTube clips? (Let us Digg.)

Ok, here is more from Ms. Noonan's column about the Pope she is sad she doesn't like as much as the last one:

An American journalist took it upon himself to remind papal representatives that the pope turns 81 while in Washington. Perhaps people could be urged to sing . . . "Happy Birthday"? Benedict some time back wowed a group of schoolchildren when he spoke to them of Antonietta Meo, who may in time become the church's youngest nonmartyred saint. Is he meeting with schoolchildren here?

Another small fear, born of hearing him last week at the mass. Benedict spoke in many languages including English, which he speaks fluidly and with a strong German accent. This is an accent that 60 years of World War II movies have taught Americans to hear as vaguely sinister, or comic. The nicer commentators may say he sounds like Col. Klink in "Hogan's Heroes." I hope he speaks even more than usual about love, for that may remove the sting, as love does.

Yes! Perhaps people could be urged to sing Happy Birthday to Nazi Pope Klink! Children, maybe? A band of Austrian siblings, perhaps! Led by their plucky governess!

Something Beautiful Has Begun [WSJ via our favorite new blog, Christ Our Hope: Pope Benedict XVI: Apostolic Journey to the United States (Part II: Back in the Habit)]

[via NJ.com]

If non-Christians have heard of Bibleman at all, it's probably because for the first seven years he was played by Willie Aames. In the 1970s and 80s, Aames was the shaggy-haired co-star of Eight is Enough and Charles in Charge, and his only superpower was snorting three grams of coke a day. Eventually he cleaned up, was born again and took a new job as Bibleman. His episodes are now in perpetual reruns on TBN, and I sat down to watch one.

The show opens with the backstory of our hero, Miles Peterson, "a man who had it all: wealth, status, success. Still, something was missing." That's putting it mildly. I don't know about you, but when I feel that something is missing I usually mope around the house or browse YouTube for videos of cats falling off stuff. Miles, however, goes tearing out into a rainstorm and collapses into a sobbing heap. "Then, in his darkest hour," Miles finds something half buried in the mud: a Bible. Not just any Bible — a radioactive Bible. No, actually it is just any Bible. But apparently that's enough to turn him into Bibleman.

In this episode, Bibleman and his sidekicks, Cypher (the black guy) and Biblegirl (the girl) go up against a villain called Primordius Drool, a mincing green-skinned fop with a lisp and a fondness for show tunes. Subtlety is not Bibleman's strong suit. The same actor also plays a talk show host named Sammy Davey, who is a classic stereotype of a New York Jew, complete with nerdy glasses and a giant Jew-fro. Slouching and cringing, Sammy Davey needles and browbeats poor Bibleman in an accent so thick that he actually pronounces Bibleman as if it were a surname like Silverman or Lieberman.

The heart of the show is the fight sequences, typically involving a darkened warehouse (all the better to obscure the lackluster choreography) and Bibleman swatting away CGI fireballs with his lightsaber while announcing, "Isaiah 54:17 says 'no weapon forged against me will prosper!'" Every now and then, Bibleman shares a lesson with his sidekicks, as when he laments that people "allow their minds to cover up what God has placed on their hearts" — a near perfect pitch for the common evangelical notion that feelings are to be trusted above rational discernment, a belief that many non-evangelicals would be distressed to hear is being passed on to eight-year-olds.

The way we rationalize it is this: Perez Hilton, for once in his miserable pink-stained life, doesn't look too bad, and John Mayer is just a cool cat (shoot me) who doesn't really need to defend his sexuality. So this was probably a business discussion. One that ended with a guarantee of good coverage (for a while) for John and the makings of an excellent deb ball for the new Skinny Perez. I guess society is progressing when all this amounts to is a silly little PR stunt, not some shameful closeted saga. Business, pleasure, or whatever else, we make a small, solemn wish: May John continue his journey of making out with generally unlovable 'mos who write for gossip blogs. Some of us currently look resplendent in pajamas and tear-stained cheeks. Possible photo documentation of the make-out foreplay is below. Minds are boggled. [Everything from Perez]

Correction: The alleged makeout supposedly took place back in 2006. So Perez is not newly "svelte-ish." I guess this incident was before the big weight gain. Still though. Ew.

• We watched every single minute of The Wire.
  
• We rounded up every single blogging cliche.
  
• We saw shouty PR man Ron Torossian sue a lady for the audacity of helping someone escape his firm.
  
• We spent the night in jail.
  
• We pointed and laughed at silly journalists and their overzealous ways of capturing all the news.
  
• We covered the latest fakey-fake memoir debacle: Valley Girl turned "gang member"!
  
• We got all up in a tizzy over puppies. Verdict? We like them!
  
• We learned how to land a job... at the New York Times!
  
• We wondered: are bloggers bipolar?
  
• We threw a grenade at Keith Gessen, certain other writers.
  
• If we have to teach you how to be a blogger, we'll do that later.
  
• We told Oscar-winning French actress Marion Cotillard where she could shove it.
  
• But still, thank God for French women: sexing it up for the rest of us.
  
• We analyzed why moneymaking blogs should never be sold.
  
• There was terror! But we solved it.
  
• Does John Mayer annoy us? We can't decide.
  
• Jim Behrle's cartoon, attached, sums it all up kreepily. That is all. Let the FNFF'ing commence!

fiveinchtaint's new line beats the original, Paris Hilton's Mystic Will Bewitch You.

Plainly, the freak door malfunction that trapped the bourgeois property queen in the seamy, unadorned underbelly of her very own facade of wealth was a punishment sent down from whatever god reigns supreme, in an attempt to teach a lesson to one of his children led astray by our materialistic society. This attempt, however, failed. Cutler "Bloodied her hands beating on the door and cut her fingers to shreds trying to claw her way out," while screaming for hours on end and losing hope of rescue. Instead of turning her thoughts to the great beyond, contemplating our finite position in this infinite universe, she turned her thoughts to her Faberge egg. Oh well.

To compound the loss of this potentially revelatory lesson for all of humanity, the Post simply wrote up a story sympathetic to the ordeal that befell Cutler, without once questioning what facet of her position in this ownership society had prompted the lord above to select her as an example to teach us all about the perils of overt acquisitiveness.

Cutler may sue the Plaza, as the spirits of moral philosophers from Jesus to John Stuart Mill wail in despair.

[Photo via NYP]

In today's Post:

Happily, his cancer finally went into remission after a long and difficult period of treatment and things got back to normal - although there was a bizarre footnote to his ordeal. During one of his hospital stays, his daughter, Jessica, brought her boss and best friend, Melissa, to visit Schimmel and the two fell in love. The comic divorced his wife and married Melissa, who is only two years older than his daughter. Schimmel writes: "Feeling horny is life-affirming... Without sex, where does that leave us? Spending the rest of our lives photographing butterflies and picking up seashells?"

Plus, you know: one's wife always just hates that.

Former Sixer and current novelist-pugilist Ian Spiegelman, baruch hashem, wrote this exact same item in 2004, back when Schimmel was trying to hawk a sitcom based on the novel concept that even dying dudes can be assholes. Except Spiegelman was a little more critical (barely but still).

Daughter Jessica wasn't always such a happy camper, either. She learned about Schimmel's infidelity with her friend when he discussed it on the [Howard] Stern show. Her reaction? "She didn't talk to me for over a year."

Doorman Suspended Over Bad Breath [NYDN]

Neil is terribly excited about writing emails, you see, because unlike books or rock criticism there's no one trying to edit him into readability.

From: Neil Strauss
Date: Nov 25, 2007 5:25 PM
Subject: The Meaning Of Life, The Secret To Happiness, and Wii Tennis

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving. In the spirit of the holidays, I wanted to share with you all the most pretentiously titled email I've ever written to you. A few of you may have seen a draft of it on my website-in-progress.

What I enjoy about this list is that it's a way for me to speak directly to you. It's something I've never gotten to do before. Because whether writing for Rolling Stone or completing a book, I've always been forced to cleave closely to a defined structure and to carefully iron every idea, paragraph, phrase, word.

The following has no structure.

It has not been ironed.

You've been warned...

Oh, but no warning on Earth is enough to prepare you for the weird OCD list-making tips, wrong-headed Biblical analysis, and "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"-quoting that follows:

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—
THE MEANING OF LIFE AND THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—

When I was in high school, I had a teacher who gave us a reading list of the best works of literature in the world. Number one on that list was the Bible. So during summer break, I decided to read the good book as literature. And one small section really struck me at the time: The Book Of Ecclesiastes.

It is the famous book in the Bible that begins "vanity of vanities, all is vanity," something that should be posted over the entranceway to all L.A. clubs. It's been heavily quoted in timeless songs, such as "Turn Turn Turn."

And it's basic philosophy is this, at least in my interpretation:

Work hard at your life and yourself. Be a good person, and enjoy everything there is under the sun. The author writes: "I searched in my heart how to gratify my flesh with wine, while guiding my heart with wisdom...I made my works great, I built myself houses... I became great and excelled."

But, in his old age, he surveys his labors: "I looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labor in which I had toiled, and indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind."

No, this is not a sermon. Keep reading. Neither is this a Buddhist message about renouncing the material world. Because, in the end, the speaker in the Book of Ecclesiastes decides: "Eat your bread with joy and drink your wine with a merry heart... Let your garments always be white and let your head lack no oil... Live joyfully with the wife whom you love...Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for there is no work or device or wisdom in the grave where you are going."

So what God is saying here is get drunk. It's totally cool. Just clean up afterward.

Actually, the message is this (in my crude non-scholarly analysis): Find a life to live, find a woman to love, find a place to work—and live to your fullest, love to your greatest capacity, work your hardest, and be a good person. Then die knowing nothing will have really made a difference in the overall scheme of things.

This may not necessarily be my belief, or yours, but here's the takeaway: if all is vanity, then stop making yourself miserable - just keep busy and be happy.

That, of course, leaves the question: What should we be doing with this time, and how do we stay happy?

So let's leave the Bible and return to the present age.

First of all, don't expect to be happy all the time. If you've ever had a pet, you'll notice that the pet doesn't complain when it's hurt or in pain. The human animal is the only one that says, "Why me?" — as if it is our birthright to be happy all the time.

Sometimes we're sad or angry or depressed. But if rather than fighting against it, like it's wrong and some kind of disorder, you just relax into the emotion and ride it through until it's over, it doesn't have to be a gut-wrenching experience. It's good to experience these extreme emotions: it let's you know you're alive and feeling.

Of course, we'd all like to stay positive and happy and content as much as possible. It's especially useful to be in this state when interacting socially, because it's the best way to attract other people to you.

So how does one stay in this state?

My secret: Balance.

Even if you love your work, you can't spend the entirety of every day working. You can't spend it partying or sarging either, as fun as that may be. However, you'll find that if each day, you productively do something in each of the following areas, your mood and confidence and charisma and happiness and inner game will skyrocket:

1. Work

2. Physical (exercise, running, swimming, a sport)

3. Social (and, yes, that can include Rules Of The Game missions)

4. Creativity or Education (whether it's writing, making music, cooking, programming, taking classes, or learning another language)

5. Relaxation, whether it's reading a book or watching TV or playing Wii Tennis or staring at the wall and contemplating life or lying in the sun and thinking about nothing.

So, your mission over the holidays:

Make a list of the specific things that make you happy and balanced in each of these categories, and then make an effort to comfortably fit them all into your schedule at least five days a week. Most of these areas don't need to take more than half an hour each day. And chances are you're doing at least two of them a day anyway.

If you find that days are passing by and you're not exercising or socializing, for example, you may need to actually write out a daily schedule for yourself and then stick to it.

And, finally, if you're one of those people who says they have no time, chances are that the problem may not be time but time management. Start keeping track of exactly what you do each day and for how long. Actually write it down on a sheet of paper: how much time you spend eating breakfast, how much time you spend checking emails, what you're doing with your time at work. Then see where the inefficiencies are and eliminate them.

And then, of course, die. It's all vanity anyway. But it's fun, you get one chance, and you might as well start making the most of it right now, before it's too late.

Yours,
Neil Strauss

P.S. I promised you all in the last email that I'd find something special for you all to launch the Rules Of The Game two-book set when it comes out next month. Well, I think I found something. It bends the rules of what my publisher will allow, so I've been negotiating with them since. I should have a confirmation and announcement for you next week, if everything works out.

P.P.S. I also have a few other surprises in store for you over the holidays: including visual evidence proving that everything you've been taught about dating is wrong. It's frigging hilarious and definitely counter-intuitive. So stay on the lookout...

While it may initially seem odd that a fire-and-brimstone preacher type might embrace our fun-loving, gay roommate-having former mayor, keep in mind that while Pat Roberston does indeed think that 9/11 happened because Rudy Giuliani thought gays should get married and have abortions, Robertson is also a corrupt criminal who owned a race horse and used his televangelism to prop up Charles Taylor and his Liberian gold-mining investments. So he ought to do pretty well in an Arab-nuking, friends'-interest-looking-out-for Giuliani administration!

Except for all the tsunamis that will engulf America when President Rudy performs the first White House Gay Divorce.

What is actually kind of odd about this is that every time we've watched the 700 Club this season (which is nightly, jeez), they've all been creaming their jeans over Mike "Fattie Until He Found God or Something" Huckabee, but we guess Robertson decided to throw his impressive superhuman strength behind the little rat-faced dude with a chance of winning the nomination.

Pat Robertson Endorses Giuliani [WP]