A 63-year-old Indian businessman was having stomach trouble. He told his doctors he'd swallowed a water bottle cap out of anger after arguing with his wife—totally normal thing to do, nothing to see here—and had since been vomiting and having difficulty going to the bathroom.

A Colorado man being divorced by his wife of 25 years after he allegedly beat her and held her captive during a fight over finances claimed in court that he had the couple's life savings of $500,000 converted to gold before dumping it all in the trash.

In the middle of the European Renaissance, these fantastic skeleton gods were being constructed in the bowels of Europe's Catholic churches. Los Angeles art historian and photographer Paul Koudounaris found these secret saints in catacombs and storage bins across the old Holy Roman Empire.

YouTube commenters have many lessons to teach us. Lessons like: Trayvon Martin was a thug! White people are oppressed! The creator of this particular piece of content is a faggot! Infowars dot com! Invest in gold to avoid being suckered by the reptoid-controlled Fed and its fiat currency!

Do you like gold? Of course you do. Check out this episode of the YouTube chemistry web series Periodic Videos, where the adorable old British guy takes you on a tour of a gold bullion vault belonging to the Bank of England, which protects about $315 billion worth of gold.

A Russian ship carrying 700 tons of gold ore has gone missing. The pirate's booty was on board a ship sailing from Neran to Feklistov Island in the Sea of Okhotsk.

Whatever happened to that guy, baldie, the funny mustache man, the one who was momentarily taken seriously as a Republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America? Pizza guy? Oh, I see—he's just writing op-eds in the WSJ to reconfirm his fundamental lunacy. What say you, Herman Cain?

Prosecutors in Santa Monica, CA have filed 19 criminal charges against the gold sellers Goldline International for allegedly running a "bait and switch operation" using prominent spokespeople like Fox News' Glenn Beck.

The latest from deranged luxury goods craftsman Stuart Hughes: a solid gold iPad 2 that is studded with 65 flawless diamonds, framed with prehistoric mollusk fossils, and inlaid with shards from the thigh bone of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Asking price is $8 million.

Our mom says that "anything's possible if you put your mind to it," and she's never wrong, so we're fairly certain that there is some way to transform human poop into gold. But mixing the poop with fertilizer and putting it on a heater is not that way, as Irish wannabe wizard Paul Moran recently discovered.

The stock market is bananas. Why bother? There are plenty of other places to put your money. Which type of investment is right for you?

One good (bad? Who knows, really?) consequence of the impending re-collapse of the world's financial markets: gold prices have risen so high—$1,715 per ounce, at the moment—that gold is now virtually the same price as platinum. A wee bit more expensive, even! All rappers will now be required to trade in their platinum…

Perhaps you think of yourself as a "rational investor," and you're not normally "the type" to make major investment decisions based on the shrill urgings of a pop culture internet blog. Until now. Sell your gold! It's not too late!

Nothing loves disaster more than gold prices. Thanks to the unspeakable devastation in Japan, gold prices rose once again today, and investors have high hopes that they'll just keep on rising for the foreseeable future.

Pop quiz: what's the correct conclusion to draw about our economy from the following news? The NYT reports that 1850s-era gold mines in California—many of which have not been working mines for 40 years or more—are now being reopened for prospecting. "Gold will soon be big business again in California's Mother Lode, in…