Gawker: gold star motel

"An Escape Goat Is Better Than A Getaway Car"

Choire — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 16:50:50 EDT

Our commenters are, some say, an added value to our website. Some say otherwise! Aannnnnyhooo, our crazed uber-commenter (and Gawker ad fella!) LolCait reads every word of it—and rewards that which makes him laugh and cry.

Hey, have you ever tried alcohol? Well, it's really, really fun for a little while and then really, really quickly it becomes really, really not fun. So if the Lady Drink has not yet wrapped her cold, willowy arms around you: Stay Away. Lest you find yourself like me on this fine Friday morning, clinging to dear life and dreaming of bedtime. At least I have these lovely words from five fabulous commenters to help me weather the hurt.

From IWN2000 in Hacks on Hacks:
"Why just this morning outside of the Pennsylvania Station a cabbie in a newsboy cap chewing an unlit stogie answered my hail with a delightfully impudent 'Where to, Mac?'"

From CONCERNED CITIZEN in Coals to Newcastle:
"If I had the cash, I could buy that Segway I've been wanting, which would get me to the cash before it runs out. What a lesson in cruel, circular irony."

From SARCASTRO in The Truth About Vegansexuals:
"What a coincidence to read this post when I'm sculpting a fire hydrant-sized butt plug from leftover tofurkey."

From RELUCTANTENTITY in Neal Pollack, Unblock Me From Facebook Right This Minute:
"This is ingenious. Everybody should have three Facebook profiles! And like if you pick the wrong one, poison spits out of the monitor. Take that, stalkers."

From YIDVICIOUS in Ask Tionna:
"An escape goat is better than a getaway car every time. Because, you know, it can eat the evidence.
(Goats are funny.)"

Yup. That's all I'm good for today: Goats. Are. Funny. Goodnight.

The Commies

abalk — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:28:06 EDT

Each week, our commenters blab and blab and blab. We used to reward them arbitrarily with a night in our Gold Star Motel. But that was just to get them to shut up. Who will listen to them? Who will care? Not us! But we know who cares: Crazed uber-commenter LolCait cares! That's right, we've set our chattiest commenter to the task of tracking the best of commenting each week. Boy, we feel for whoever's paying LolCait's paycheck at the day job.

And now, presented without commentary, for now, LolCait's socialist picks 'o the week:

BK_KT re: Emotional Fan Defends Britney Spears:
"He makes a good point."

TRAMPOLINE re: Britney Boy Happy To Say Provocative Things To Anyone Who Wants To Interview Him:
"I hated him. Then I read the Stranger article and I kind of loved him. But, let's be honest: I hate him.
If you read his whole story, though, it's hard not to include the words 'oh, Sweetie' among all the others you want to say to him. He's the sad answer to the unasked question: "What if a John Waters movie was real?"

GORGEOUSGEORGE re: Rune-Reader Kathleen Deyo Thinks "Psychic Junkies" Are Pathetic:
"I dunno if 'dreamboat' is the best way to characterize Rasputin. 'Crazy old mystic with a 15-inch horsecock,' perhaps. Then again, to some folks that's the very definition of the word 'dreamboat.' To me it just conjures up scenes from Ian McKellen's Lord of the Rings dressing room that I'd rather not think about."

CANDYBOOTS re: 'New York can't in any stretch of the imagination be called a literary city':
"Ah yes, I recall when the saloons were frequented by jaunty chimney-sweeps who had nary a penny! Now there are none but fops who ride their new-fashioned bicycles with the tall front wheel."

MATHNET re: A Weary Nation Has Moved On
"I personally believe that some U.S. Americans out there in our nation don't have calendars."

Like Going To Church To Learn How To Sing

Emily Gould — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 15:40:25 EDT

Every week, we single out some commenters who made a special effort. If we didn't pick you, you've been doing something horribly wrong.

Pinch_Vintage re: Yoga Classes Are Full Of Sleazy Eric Schaeffers:
"Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but it always made me uncomfortable that yoga is actually intended to have a deeper purpose than making yuppies fuckable. It just feels like going to church to learn how to sing then using that gospel trained voice to melisma out about how you wanna suck the devil's dick. . . Connotations aren't just for prison walls!"

Goodfootie re: Old People Have Sex:
"This makes me feel less guilty for not visiting."

Pope John Peeps II re: No, Megahyped Indie Hannah Takes The Stairs Is Not Good
"You know Dennis Lim doesn't actually make any real, serious qualitative judgement about the film in those two whole pages. Doesn't it make you think that he seriously hated the shit out of it, but perhaps had to make the NYT seem like it was embracing the avant-garde?If only we could hack his iphone, I bet we'd see outgoing emails like 'OMG the jeans. OMG man-tits!'"

He's Just Not That Far Into You

Emily Gould — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 15:40:30 EDT

This time each week, we coo and kvell
O'er comments that made us LOL
That's self-indulgent? Yeah, you bet!
But face it: so's the Internet.

Re: Hi, Chum

Guitarsnob:
"True story: I fished with this guy. The back story is pretty detailed - summers in Hawaii, boat owning friends of my parents, and a Hawaiian resturant owner named Sam Choy - so I'll spare y'all the nonsense and get right to the point.
I was out on this one-day fishing trip and somehow found myself in the angler's chair (I might have been tanning) when a fairly large fish took the bait. Overwhelmed as I was, I had no choice but to try and reel the fish in. The fish probably weighed more than I did and was pulling out more line than I was bringing in.
Over my shoulder was this Frank Mundus guy yelling, "come on you little girl. What are you, a pussy?? The fish is kicking your ass!"
I was 11 years old.
The only fishing I've done since has been at the Abbey on Santa Monica Blvd."

Re: Dina Lohan Thought 16 Was The Legal Drinking Age

Far-Far:
"dgiadggfh I WANT A TELL-ALL BOOK BY THE BODYGUARD SO BADLY!!! Questions to be answered: has Lindsay ever been a virgin? when not doing interviews or in character, does she tawk loike this? did she ever live in a dumpster? because she's so trashy!
The book should be in the style of Delta of Venus. TELL TELL TELL!!!!"

Re: Janice Dickinson's "Sex Is So Strong"?

ConnPossible:
"Eww, battered, chapped pussy."

Re: Mara Altman Is Writing A Book About How She Has Never Orgasmed

Lolcait:
"He's Just Not That Far Into You"

Dude Better Take Those Spring Break Pics Off His Facebook

Emily Gould — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 16:15:22 EDT

This was such a magical week for comments, you guys. Seriously! (A circle jerk of hilarity amid the vituperation!) We sometimes found ourselves laughing so hard we cried. Laughing and crying, you know, it's the same release.

Twofer re: Naomi Watts Parturates At Last:
Josh Speed: "It seems to me that Lohan is the fastest 'child-star-to-washup' we have had yet. The cycle is ever-tightening. It took Dana Plato almost 20 years (G-d rest her) to work herself up to dumpster living and 7-11 robbing."

Followed by Hortense: "Perhaps this is why Corey Haim is pointing his finger at all of us today. And also why Corey Feldman looks so contemplative."

Re: WSJ' Managing Editor Marcus Brauchli Tells His Staff Not To Panic
Sara Benincasa: "God, it must be so upsetting. Can you imagine toiling for years at a paper that caters to rich white people and is owned by rich white people, only to wake up one morning to discover that a different rich white person now signs your check? This world is FUCKED."

Grandmoffbastard spoke for us all when he asked, regarding 'Robert Olen Butler Says His Mass Email Was 'Intended Strictly For Those Who Personally Know Elizabeth And Me,' "Oh, who could have predicted that this email would so quickly have moved outside of the sphere of those for whom it was strictly intended? Dude had better take those spring break pics off of his Facebook, too."

And, you know, countless others. Basically, if you commented at all this week, pat yourself on the back. Especially you, Lolcait.

Crumple Face Cry

Emily Gould — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 16:05:50 EDT

This week was a banner week for excellence in commenting. In addition to the commenters listed below, we'd like to extend a special honorary group gold star to everyone who commented on that 'singlefiers' post, except Thomas Pynchon, who can go eat the four week old lite cottage cheese from a single lady's fridge.

Re: Naomi Watts Parturates At Last

Hortense:
"Perhaps this is why Corey Haim is pointing his finger at all of us today. And also why Corey Feldman looks so contemplative."

Re: Posh Spice Loves Attention

Oovy:
"How about, 'Like a moth to a spotlight, she was drawn to the spotlight, because she is a moth. Or like one.'"

Re: Car-Chasing Lindsay Busted With Pants Full of Cocaine

DonPardoCalrissian:
"Lindsay Lohan is my generation's Paris Hilton."

Re: Beyonce's Florida Faceplant Is Looking So Crazy Right Now

Ellagood:
"finally gravity catches up with her. i mean she wears at least, what, 35 lbs. of water buffalo weave, right?"

Re: Claire Danes' Nipple Tops Mary Louise Parker's Rump

Lolcait:
"I challenge them to an act off. Claire 'does crumple-face cry', Mary Louise does 'drink from a big gulp'. And Mary Louise will win, because she's fantastic. And Claire will show up to Pygmalion rehearsal with teeth missing and a black eye and all the Roundabout queens will hiss 'Oohhh, she's so method...'"

Re: Julia Allison Displays Her Range

Grandmoffbastard:
"It's almost like she's really spelling!"

Oh, The Onanity

Choire — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 15:56:54 EDT

Each week, we celebrate some commenters, because we mistakenly think that commenting isn't its own reward. (Actually, it so is!) This week, I'm giving out awards! Not cash awards. But made-up awards, like the Nobel prize or a Nebula or a Hugo or something. Wait, first I'm going to make a pot of coffee. Okay, back! Let's do it!

The Award Just For Surviving College comes from Vote For America's Most Annoying Liberal Arts College and goes to Schadenfrau for these two comments:

"Not that the place needs any more help here, but what the hell?

I hadn't even been at Sarah Lawrence for a month before I was called into the dean's office to discuss my cameo appearance in some freak's vision. Yes, vision.

The girl claimed to have envisioned her own murder after eating a leaf that had been previously "nibbled on" by a fairy. Not only did she take this story to the dean, but the dean was concerned enough to pull me out of class to discuss this.

SLC sweep, people.

Don't worry- everything was resolved when a man who claimed to be a vampire took it upon himself to sort out this situation with the help of a dreamcatcher and some fossilized amber stuck under his roommate's (the aforementioned imaginary murderer) bed.

How did it end? The imaginary murderer was asked to leave school and both the vampire and fairy-leaf-eater graduated.

The Teacher's Pet Award For Doing Exactly What I Dreamed Someone Would Do comes from here and goes to Yarnbaby for this comment:

do she?

The Award For Drawing Important Connections comes from How To Buy And Sell Fake Handbags and goes to OverpaidandUnderworked for this comment:

During my last year at Smith, a group of girls from the Republican Club formed an organization called 'Project Handbags', which attempted to aid the federal government in busting bag counterfeiters, including the ladies who hosted these kinds of parties. That should get us a few extra votes in the Most Annoying Liberal Arts College poll, no?

The Ken Layne Memorial Award For Pointing Out The Necessary Obvious comes from White House: Terrorists Will Destroy Us Unless We Keep Killing People and goes to YelloJKT for this comment

Homeland Security has predicted ten of the last zero attacks.

The Karen Carpenter Award For Taking A Grey Day And Making It Better comes from My Cock For Barack and goes to ClarenceRosario for this comment:

Oh, the onanity.

The Award For Caring About Minutia That Should Be Cared About goes to I Don't Get It for participating in Did Paris Hilton Roofie And Three-Way Tyler Atkins? with this comment:

You think they would have cut his hair while he was passed out.

The Award For Just Being A Good Person goes to Successories in the 'Weekly World News' folding post for this comment

this is, like, the only publication i have ever subscribed to at retail rates with my own money.

i'm madder than a rack of ribs on a kibbutz.

The Winter Of Her Discount Bin

Emily Gould — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 14:00:00 EDT

Every week, we pick some comments that made us LOL or in some cases "heh"OL and post them here so everyone can enjoy. This week was extra funny because of the new moon on Saturday that's stimulating everyone's pineal gland. Our bodies are mostly water!
Re:Tina Brown Last Night Among The People

KarenUhOh and LolCait. We love collaborative efforts!

Re: The $29 Cheeseburger Comes To The Bowery

TedSez:
"Twenty-twenty-twenty-nine dollars to blow
I'm gonna be so sated
Gimme 16 truffle burgers to go
I'm gonna be so sated
Just get that duck's mouth open
And fill it full of grain
Hurry hurry hurry
'Fore PETA goes insane
I can't control my eating
My stomach's full again
Oh no, I'm gonna throw
Blah-blah-barf-barf
Blah-blah-blah-barf-barf
I guess I got too sated....

(With apologies to "Weird" Al)"

[Emily: Dear Ted, please record this. Also, Weird Al should apologize to you.)

Re:In Brief:
Slinkimalinki: :
"what if all of you are really nick denton? even krucoff..."
Re:When It Comes To Euphemisms For Female Genitalia, Fox News Censors Are Total Pussies:
Slinkimalinki:
"@NoDowdAboutIt: well, perhaps the predominantly male editor, correspondant and viewer need to learn that a somewhat higher pitched voice ahould be taken just as seriously as a somewhat lower pitched voice: that being young and female doesn't make you non-serious. because if, as you say you have, you've changed the way you speak, buying into the theory that masculine=serious, doesn't that make you the tool of the partriarchy that you claim emily is?
hehe, i said tool, hehe "
Re:Our Expert Analyzes Sex Tips:
Twizzlers For President:
"Codepink! Ha! Making up faux Cosomo sex tricks will be my new party game.
"Craft a thong teddy of out tampons. He won't be able to resist the cottony softness! And you can use it to soak up the wet spot later."
But seriously folks. Cosmo is one ball-gag away from being Bondage Monthly."
Re: Is The Crazy Single Cat Lady Thing A Myth?:
The Mayoress: "does having a link to lolcats in my faves folder count?
invisible husband!!!"

The Sort Of Stuff I Like To Look At

Emily Gould — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 16:55:28 EDT

Every week we single some commenters out for approbation. This week, because we're feeling extra nice (also: loopy! and tired), we're explaining the "reasoning" behind our decisions.

Re: All Ballet Dancers Do Cocaine

TheBigDoggy:
"Ah, so Pete Doherty is simply in training for his surprise turn in The Nutcracker?"
Choire: "I thought it was a lovely picture, Pete Doherty, dancing so formally, and also a nice association: when this person thinks of coke, he thinks of Pete."

Re: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Sex Pics

HeatherFink:
"Yay! This is the sort of stuff I like to look at."
Choire: "Here's to enthusiasm!"

Re: Is Jenna Bush The New James Frey?

Lolcait:
"Ana's Story is an anagram for Satan Roys which, owing to Jenna's poor French, was an attempt to say Satan Roi, "King Satan." Which means....yup, you guessed it: I'm drunk."
Emily: "I'm a sucker for unexpected twists. Also, drunks. Man I miss Balk."

Re: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo Sex Pics

The Brazilian:
"A lot of over-indicating going on here, so typical of bad actors."
Emily: "This is sort of my platonic ideal of a comment. Instead of saying, 'Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo clearly staged this Skinemax-style sesh to rev up their sort of flagging what do they do again careers,' The Brazilian says all that so pithily, but so obliquely. This is less a "hahaha" than a satisfied chuckle."

Re: Sex and the Cineplex

Scout
"Isn't that how Trey met Charlotte?"
Emily: "Come on, you thought it too!"

A Position At Racked

Emily Gould — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 16:42:17 EDT

Every week, and now sometimes every day, we single especially funny commenters out and stroke them until they're gratified.

Re: Gawker's Best Posts of 2007

My Cock:
"It's not the length of the list, it's the craft of the shaft."

Re: Daily Gold Star

My Vagina
"Jury has reconvened. Still not sure about the soul, however."

Re: Goodbye Lockhart Steele

My Left Tit:
"Lock's already offered both of us a position at Racked, but Righty over here thinks she's too good for it. Uppity bitch."

Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan

Choire — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 13:58:16 EDT

Each week, we pick out some comments that especially amused us and award them a meaningless prize. You know why? Because we're mad with power. Or because we're hoping some commenters will totally date us.

Re: Dina McGreevey Wants A Faaaaabulous Jury Trial

ColonelMustard:
"I can't wait for both of them to come storming into court at the same time, dressed like Alexis Carrington Colby."

Re: Al Pacino Is More Italian Than You Are

Strategicallyplaced:
"Italians are badass...I mean, you guys saw Scarface right? Whoo-ah!"

Re: Meet Dr. M.F.

LolCait:
"She is everything I wish Marisha Pessl was."

Re: Coked Up Male Model Terrorizes Hamptons

Catastro-Nom:
"At least he stayed the fuck in his room."

Re: "Slut It Up" With Julia Allison

Sara Benincasa:
"I'm so confused by your relationship with Julia Allison, Gawker. Remember when Jessie Spanow used to talk shit on A.C. Slater but actually she was totally sopping for his deltoids and winning smile? And then eventually she admitted the love that had truly been there all along? Gawker, you need to put down the pills and just take Julia to prom already."

Leo Philtardo

Emily Gould — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 17:40:15 EDT

Each week, we pick out some comments that especially amused us and award them a meaningless prize. Sometimes these comments were made by the same people we just redundancied. There's a lesson there, but we have no idea what it is.

Re: There Is Justice In The World

Itsjustcatnip:
"I don't know whether to be happy that there is a small bit of justice in the world or angry because now I will expect justice all the time."

Re: Mob War Heats Up

Astro-nom:
"They're killing all the guys who were extras in the finale and gave away the ending."

Re: Does Marc Jacobs Have A New Gayface?

BritneysBaldHoohoo:
"Did he ask for the 'Rupert Everett'?"

Re: Sopranos Finale Ruined For Us By Evil Publicist:

Nard38:
"I saw the e-mail. The subject line is "My client plays 'Leo Philtardo' (Phil Leotardo's tard twin cousin) who is actually the baby's father!!!"

Re: The Webby Awards Party At The Box

DonPardoCalrissian:
"I didn't know Neal Pollack and Robyn Byrd were dating. I did know the Box looks like a rundown Uzbek madrassa but I'm glad there's now proof on the infobahn."

The Psycho Plea

abalk — Fri, 25 May 2007 14:44:47 EDT

Each week, we pick out some comments that especially amused us and award them a meaningless prize. Maybe they'll inspire you to be smarter, funnier, and an all-around better person. Maybe not!

Re: The Man Who Taught Elizabeth Spiers To Tolerate The Gays
Elizabeth Spiers: "See how Nick's left hand mysteriously disappears behind my back in that photo? He's grabbing my ass."

Double winner re: Let's Make A Movie!

Mark Duffy: "This Summer's Best Horror Movie. Period."
ellagood: "I think 28 Days Late is much scarier. "

Re: We Couldn't Free Peter Braunstein
Pope John Peeps II: "Your honour, I'd like to direct your attention to defense exhibit 531 "Peter Braunstein Could Have Saved Chocolate City" by noted leegle beegle THE BALK. You see, when the habeus corpus and the ipso facto conjoin, they occasionally make the quod ipsum dolorum. When this happens, as THE BALK points out, one must delerium tremens the ravioli bolognese and surmount the problems posed by tinki winki. In conclusion, your majesty, Braunstein is cray bitchcakes and thus should be freed on the grounds of THE PSYCHO PLEA."

Previously: The Day Tina First Saw The Statue Of Liberty

The Day Tina First Saw The Statue Of Liberty

Emily Gould — Fri, 18 May 2007 17:26:38 EDT

Each week, we pick out some comments that especially amused us and award them a meaningless prize. Maybe they'll inspire you to be smarter, funnier, and an all-around better person. Maybe not!

Re: Times Square Still Extremely Unsafe For Children
titanica : "She got served."

Re: Times Memorabilia Auction Goes Nuts
Maxwell2.0:
"I wonder what Michiko's prosthetic limn sold for?"

Re: Hard Up Freelancer Virally Markets Himself
cdmunch: "Years ago this dude used to work at Vanity Fair and some reporter, I think from New York or maybe Glamour magazine, was writing a story on editors' sexual conquests or some such and they asked him for the number he bedded. Another editor gave a higher number so when the factchecker called, Peter upped his number. The other editor did the same. This went back and forth for a while until they were both in the double digits."

A double winner re: Our Top Ten Sopranos Series Finale Predictions
mladen: "Before I offer my prediction, just wanted to say that yesterday's Big Story was somehow overlooked here. Cindy offered her Mother's Day column - you know, the one Dorothy Parker (or was it Edna St V Millay?) made fun of when it first ran - and said that this year it was appearing by special request of....Parker Posey.
There are some events which, by their very enormity, defy comprehension or comment.
The Johnstown Flood. The Hindenburg. The day Tina first saw the Statue of Liberty. The weekend "Ernest Goes To Jail" opened at #1 at the box office.
And now this.
But back to the prediction. Tony throws a turkey out the window of a high-rise to see if it can fly. Glen Turkey, a machinist from Toms River, that is."

And!

plausible_banditti: "Wasn't the last scene filmed in some ice cream parlor in Bloomfield? Maybe Tony goes legit, buys the shop, and spends the rest of his twenty-seven years on the planet developing flavors to honor his whacked comerades. Chrissy's Cherry Cocaine Bliss?"

People Shouldn't Die

Emily Gould — Fri, 11 May 2007 16:15:43 EDT

Each week, a handful of reader comments are selected for inclusion and veneration in the Gold Star Motel. Standards of excellence are arbitrary, fluid, and contradictory. The reward is strictly honorary (at best). This week, all the Gold Stars are taken from the post where we asked for your editorial ideas. Will this be the last Gold Star Motel?

Re: Your Editorial Input Requested

HoHoKennedy:
"I vote Lies cause I'm sick of that photo."

Hot Chocolate(RIP!):
"Since my head is already on the chopping block...Gold Star Motel seems to be little more than a giant mutual masturbation session. A cuddle party with handjobs, if you will. We are all smart enough to recognize a witty comment when we see one; I don't think we need someone to point it out and say, "That's funny! Laugh, fool!" And since it seems like the same people always "win," maybe you could just give them a star next to their name or something, a special picture in their thumbnail thing, that makes it clear how superior they are to everyone else without shoving it down our throats once a week.
In short, the whole concept reeks of high school. And yes, I was a bitter nerd in high school, and I hated every second of it, and I don't want to see it recreated by adults on a website that I love (and will continue to love even if I get executed for having the opinion that nursing mothers should throw a blanket over their exposed breasts).
Anway, perhaps being incredibly witty is reward enough. That's all I'm saying."

Steverino:
"Make Balk and Choire go on CNN."

ambitious heckler:
"Please keep potty girl but tell her to make the sex hotter? I don't see the point of bringing a guy to a dive bar just to bang him in the bathroom. The whole point is you've just met someone AT THE BAR and you just have to do them then and there. Duh! Other than that, I never really liked "And now he's dead" — people shouldn't die — and can you please tell the guy at Wonkette it's annoying every time he spells out "teevee" — and Josh shouldn't post his suburban-Jewish-skaterboy-rap videos about yogurt, it takes the brand down a little. The last "underminer" was phoning it in a bit, the monologue starts to sound too contrived to sound like it was actually spoken, and GMIJ was awesome, I miss it too. And can you bring back Elizabeth? Thanks!!!"

mindful_indulgence:
"Dammit. I sorta feel like I voted for Nader all over again."

10am-automatic :
"keep altarcations but only include couples with pictures. After all, how can you truly judge someone if you don't know what they look like?"

Highway Rest Stop To Heaven

Emily Gould — Fri, 04 May 2007 16:30:40 EDT

Each week, a handful of reader comments are selected for inclusion and veneration in the Gold Star Motel. Standards of excellence are arbitrary, fluid, and contradictory. The reward is strictly honorary (at best). This week, all the Gold Stars are taken from the terrible and hilarious puns in the "Rewriting the Post" thread yesterday about Jim McGreevey becoming an Episcopalian priest, just because.

Re: Divine Intervention

Looker:
"Hail Mary?"

And I Am Telling You:
"Turning the Other Cheek
In The Name of The Rose"

bonera:
"Ecclesi-ass-tease"

George Babbitt:
"Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me. But Mostly Thy Rod."

broad:
"Semen on the Mount"

'Who's The Boss' Of My Womb?

Emily Gould — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 16:52:00 EDT

Re: Today In Capitalizing On Tragedy (Regarding a book called Oy Pioneer!)

Seer uber Jenny : "Sequel potential! Meh ?ntonia"

Re: And Now He's Dead: David Halberstam

meh: "I carry The Powers That Be in my trunk. With the Bible. Just in case."

Re: Alec Baldwin's Breakdown

KarenUhOh: "Maybe Alec can just phone it in."

Re: Joey Lawrence Knows His Place

ellagood: "I'll take a DP from the My Two Dads anyday."

AND!

tammyfey:: "Plan B chaser, of course, to prevent Full House."

AND THEN!

ellagood: "that's right. Who's The Boss of my womb? Me."

Gold Star Motel: Dingelhopper

Emily Gould — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:07:44 EDT

Re: Is Carrie Gross The Absolute Worst Of The Scary Sadshaw Lady Bloggers?

IBentMyWookie:
"What's wrong with treating your dog like a child, you Cat Fancy-subscribing bastards?"

Re: Dilation and NEGstraction: Partial Jokes

CrazeeEyezKillah : "Here's a joke you forgot:
Having squandered his meager talents on a final, fuck-you of an editor's letter in the popular fitness publication he once oversaw, a magazine editor is at his wit's end, when Satan appears.
"Greg," Satan says to the editor,"if you give me your soul, I'll let you continue to crack jokes about midgets and abortions in British spank mags, on right-wing propaganda networks, and in lots of other venues popular only with narcissists and psychopaths."
"But Satan," asks the editor, "can I still have a career?"
Satan replies, "Partially."

Re: Kitty Carlisle Hart, Dead At 96

Gay Gayerson: "She was also listed in the Manhattan phone book (as Mrs. Moss Hart), and when you called her up, it was her voice on the machine sounding EXACTLY like you'd expect Kitty Carlisle Hart's outgoing message to sound. (Not that, um, I ever called.)"

Re: Be A (Disney) Princess On Your Special Day

Steverino:
"The thought of a Disney-themed wedding makes me want to poke out my eyes with a dingelhopper."

Earlier: Unfold The Prosthetic Wang

Gold Star Motel: Unfold The Prosthetic Wang

Emily Gould — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:38:26 EDT

Re: Leslie Bennetts' "Feminist" Mistake

Cookie Guggelman:
"I want to stay at home with myself."

Re: How That NYT 'Old Men With Babies' Story Went Down: An Imagined Conversation

Pope John Peeps II:
"Let's get something straight. These aren't adorable "first time dads". These are revolting, rich old lechers who marry hot young things, unfold the prosthetic wang, and cram them full of drippy jizz in order to feel "lively" again. The NYT style section simply takes things that rich NYC families do, and no matter how self-indulgent treat it like the greatest thing in fucking civilization. If it were up to them, we'd all be octogenarian millionaires, living in the apartment you decorated when you were 12 with your adult children, 18-year old wife and 2 year old baby, sliding into your gay car to go on weekend Man-Dates with your buddies."

Re:Mergers and Acquisitions: A Book Party

Gorgeous George: "When reached for comment, Joshua Ferris remarked: 'We all went to Dana Vachon's book party, because it was the kind of thing you had to go to. Mostly we skulked about in the corner, getting obscenely drunk and telling anecdotes to one another about Dana Vachon that may or may not have had any basis in truth. None of us had actually read Dana Vachon's book, but we all agreed that it was terrible. Dana Vachon is a very likeable guy, which is why we hated his guts.'"

Re: The Lauren Conrad Sex Tape and Us Weekly

Face Meets Fist :
"On the upside, it's good to see that the tunic is making a comeback. Giving the second century its due and all."

Re: Bay Ridge Milk Club

Pikachu McHeidegger: (in answer to: "Who would drink milk from a Brooklyn cow, raw or cooked?")"The Brooklyn cow's best friend's infant?"

Earlier: Trumping In Her Kushner

Gold Star Motel: Trumping In Her Kushner

Emily Gould — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 16:50:45 EDT

Boobs Radley:
"Why, Esther. Williamstown has the most adorable little main street, with a French bakery and an organic coffee shop and a Thai place with the most amazing panang curry THAT YOU'LL NEVER TASTE. Suck on it, you GPA inflating tramp."

Re: J. Rhys Meyers, Clearly Gay

Aatom:
"He's gay because I saw The Secret and I've been focusing real hard on one of my goals."

Re: The Michael Hastings Memoir: Book Proposals Kill

JupiterPluvius:
"And the perfect first line for this book is: What can you say about a twenty-eight-year-old girl who died IN BAGHDAD?"

Re: Bungalow 8's Waning Magic:

cajun boy in the city:
"it's at times like these that amy sacco should do what i do during troubled times which is to look deeply into the soul and ask, "what would ian bernardo do?"

Re: Jared Kushner And Ivanka Trump: Just Friends:

In Exile:
"Ugh, trying to find a cutesy amalgam of their names is like speaking shitty fake Yiddish: "Ach, that one, is he trumping in her kushner yet?"

Re: 02138 Defines Marital Bliss

Double Banger:
"Nothing warms my heart like lawyers in love. I hear that Kate & Marc's pre-nup was drafted on a Lamplighter Ivory 25% cotton parchment paper and signed with a Montblanc Meisterst ck 149 filled with Waterman Florida Blue."

Re: 'Lenny Kravitz' Invites You To Brooklyn Luxury

backslider:
"I am so excited for the looming real estate crash, when I buy one of these shitty apartments for $150 grand. Then I'll spend the rest of my days watching Mexicans play soccer in the dust below."

Gold Star Motel: Silkwood-Style Showers

Emily Gould — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 17:25:39 EDT

Re:First Responders: Whole Foods

Alex Blagg:
"Is there any way we could dispense with the media and gossip commentary alotgether, and have this site consist only of Julia Allison and TAN, as eloquently captured by the fearless lens of Blakeley's PD-150?" [Ed: Yes.]

Re: Albert Podell, It's Not You ... Ok, It's You

Darienlake:
"I was just imagining the Silkwood-style showers that Podell's girlfriend must take after one of their awesome and totally consensual 'vacations.'"
Re:We Hear That Dave Zinczenko Just Broke Up With Julia Allison

KarenUhOh:
"Doesn't she give that horse any quarters?"
Re:Dana Vachon Backlash Begins In Gritty, Blue-Collar Paper

sven:
"The nose that stands in strong and pert salute to his resolutely nonethnic ancestry"? What a weird thing to say. Why not just come out and admit that you hate him for reminding you that you're Jewish?"
Re:Dana Vachon Backlash To The Backlash To The Backlash Begins

iceprincess:
"I would imagine reading M&A is more like riding Vachon's face. Sure, it's fun, but after a while, you get an ass cramp."
Re: Williamsburg Tampon Finally Unstuck

MinnesotaStateofMind:
"I once had this happen to me! It was the Summer of Luke and Laura...not the summer when they were on the run from Frank Smith, but the one where they were on the island with the weather machine. I was thirteen, and stuck traveling in a RV with my grandfather and his second wife. Years later I find out they were never really married, but she was embarrassed about it due to being born again.
For some reason I decided that I want to try tampons. Probably because pads back then were like mattresses, and there was a matter of wanting to be discreet. I inserted the tampon as a test (and only a test) and then it did not want to come out. After much prayer — and no council — I yanked it out.
It hurt.
The internet would have been a welcome friend."
Re:Gopnik and Wolcott Draw Their Party Lines

josh speed:
"Ricarda Huch is that fat gay one from the first Survivor, right?"
Earlier: Stumped

Mold Star Motel: What Type Of Rejected Gawker Commenter Are You?

abalk2 — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 14:05:08 EDT

Each week, thousands of reader comments are rejected by our sharp-eyed hall monitor Intern Kaila. In this installment of Mold Star Motel, Kaila recognizes that there are identifiable patterns, repetitions — nay, archetypes - for rejected commenters, and that maybe, just maybe, we can see a little bit of ourselves and our tendencies in some of them. See if you stack up:

You are struggling to be accepted:
Re: Gawker Comments: The How & Why: does that firecrotch with the horn get her ish posted? my comments never do, and i went to j-school for fuck's sake.

You are heading down the wrong path:
Re: Lindsay's Diary: Leaves of Lohan: hi lindsay you are my idle i av loved you since i first new you were on tele oh how i wish i could see you but i guess my life is just the same as everyone else a regular person who cant always get what they want but i have never got what i want i really do wish that this thing that i want will come true you really are my idle i may only be 12 but i know what i want and i really want to meet you i hope you read this soona and hopfully get back too me but i do wish
from your biggest fan (no joke) [redacted].

You are looking for a job:
Re: Diane Sawyer Needs a New BFF: If Mrs. Sawyer needs someone to "share the couch", I will do it. I was planning on breaking into the world of t.v. journalism anyway. I bet the job pays better too. I am thinking of taking a philosophy course at the community college in the Spring, but after that, I am free to fill in until you find a permanant replacement. Let me know.

You want to ~~lure~~offer people a job:
Re: Shocker: Forbes Recommends Trophy Wives: New docu-reality tv pilot is casting women who love their careers outside the home, and their husbands who want them to be stay-at-home moms. This pilot will NOT air. For more details, email your story and contact info to: [redacted]. Hurry—casting this week!

You hate us so much you just had to tell us:
Re: Gossip Roundup: Fashion Week Just Too Pretty for Bryant Park: You complain about the location of a fashion tent, and then you hope someone who's concerned about genocide in Darfur will shut the f#ck up. Thank you for that perfect summation of why this blog is the most idiotic, self-important piece of shit on the planet.

Re: God Allows 'Vice' Co-Founder to Breed: She is FUCKING GLOWING after 18 hours of child birth you miserable shits! Did you take a break from farting on a retarted child just to post a hateful comment. I hope all your babies are stillborn. Now that's what I call well directed hate.

Re: Gawker Gift Guide: A Vincent Gallo Dickin': He's just another amusing fraud, like P daddy, puff diddy, or sean puffy combs.
outside of paying loads of attention to no talent hacks, why exactly would gawker.com exist?
you should all be on your knees in front of his stunt double's cock.

Re: Who Are The Ad Wizards Who Came Up With This One?: What joyful comments from a bunch of talentless ex-creative wannabes. Clearly you have nothing better to do between stints standing in the unemployment lines besides posting your worthless commentary. Merry-Fucking-Christmas, shit heals.

You have thought more about Elisabeth Hasselbeck than anyone ever should:
Re: Elisabeth Hasselbeck Loses Her Shit: this board is stupid...It says 'post a comment' and then after one spends time typing it out...THEN it tells you, if you are a new user it MIGHT post if it's 'funny' or 'interesting' enough?...
And who is suppose to judge that?...
Geeeez....

Didn't think that was a 'hissy fit', or a 'freak out'...Just looked like she was passionate about her point of view...And I had no problem with a little waving of hands, some people do that when they get involved in speaking up - So What?...

Right wing drivel? I guess the only view point liberals see is their own. And is there any bigger left wing psycho out there than baa-bwa? By the way, Cudoos to liz for standing up to her liberal, the lesbian and the has been co-hosts. Time for Liz to get her own show!

I always wondered where the dumbest people on the planet posted notes— I've found it right here!!!! in looking at comments by left wing hacks concerning Elizabeth Hasselback.

IT IS UNBELIEVABLE HOW MANY LIBERALS POST NOTHING BUT UNEDUCATED SHIT ON THIS BLOG. WHILE ELISABETH MAY NOT BE WELL SPOKEN WHILE ENRAGED WITH MORALITY AND DECENCY. I CAN ONLY WONDER HOW MANY ABORTIONS ALL THE BLOGGERS ON THIS SITE HAVE HAD. AND HOW MANY HAVE HAD MULTIPLE ABORTIONS. I AM CLASSIFYING AN ABORTION BY TAKING THE MORNING AFTER PILL. THIS IS A DANGEROUS DRUG WHICH WAS USED TO TREAT AND KILL CANCER, SO WE SHOULD LET A 12 YEAR OLD PUT THIS LETHAL SHIT IN HER BODY. SHE COULD GIVE IT UP TO MADONNA AND RETURN MADONNAS NEW ONE BACK TO THE FATHER WHERE THE CHILD BELONGS. MADONNA COULD DONATE ENOUGH MONEY TO FEED AND TAKE CARE OF THAT VILLAGE FOR 100 YEARS. YET SHE TAKES A HELPLESS MANS CHILD. SHE IS TRASH SO IS THE ALL LIBERAL VIEW - ELISABETH. YOU ALL SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTIONS THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO READ AND HEAR YOUR BULLSHIT.

[REDACTED]
GEORGE IS MY PRESIDENT
MILWAUKEE WISCONSIN.

I'M SURE YOU WON'T ALLOW MY COMMENTS BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL HUGE MARXISTS LIBERALS THAT WILL GET US ALL ATTACKED ON OUR SOIL. YOU ONLY HAVE 2 YEARS , YOUR PARTY WILL SCREW IT UP.

You are creepily obsessed with Nick Denton's comings and goings:
Re: Being a History of the Meatpacking District: FYI: the Pastis VIP number is (212)-625-8665. tell them that you're nick denton, who (living on [redacted address]) is a balthazar breakfast regular.

You refuse to accept the truth about Suri Cruise:
Re: Again With The Suri Cruise Photos: Well, your all so very rude! This is a little innocent baby.. and your so cruel about the way she looks. She looks like them and she is very beautiful. She does not look Asian. She has stunning blue eyes and she looks like a beautiful combination of both of them. Stop being so cruel about Suri. You wouldn't be saying these things if Tom hadn't been so wierd this past year(OPRAH for example).

Re: Suri: The Photo You Won't See in 'Vanity Fair': Imagine this, Tom Cruise goes on a tirade about the ills and evils of the pharmaceutical industry and psychiatry and all of sudden we have world wide corporate culture Cruise character assasination all of which is mindlessly followed by you Goyim (Sheep). Have you questioned why every one in America has become a collective drug persuing personality. Perhaps it's the crap being shoveled down your throats from commercial television. Take another antidepressant America. Suri is not your kid but an innocent child. Leave her alone you DRUG HEADS.

Suri may grow out of this whole crazed zombie baby looking thing to grow up to be a hot piece of xenu worshipping twat.

definitely asian, possibly mongoloid.

You resort to threats:
Re: This Week in Commenter Executions: Fine. I was sick of my username too. I'll reincarnate myself and you won't even recognize me! You'll see...someday...

You are, unfortunately, extremely concerned about Jared Leto:
Re: Jared Leto Will Take All You Bloggers Down. And Elijah Wood too: so this piece of shit website only lets u rip on people nice fuckin bullshit

I like 30 seconds to mars! I think their music is really great! AND I have actually meet a couple of band members and they are deciently nice guys!!! they did not have to bs and answer all the million ?'s me and my friend had but they did and they were really nice and honest and just normal joes. So all of u that r ripping on them I am sure u have never had the opportunity to hang out with them or u r such a spaz they gave u the cold shoulder in fear of their lives!!!!!

Re: Lindsay Lohan Sporting Jared Leto's Plastic Engagement Ring?: dude this chick lindsay lohan yeh i know her but she is no where near good enough for Jared Leto he is just the Best

Re: Gawker Stalker: Jared Leto: Actor, Musician, Weirdo: umm the first story about jared leto yeah look alot of ppl get drunk and high it is the way of life and if you were rich and famous you would probably do it to!!!!!!so yeah and besides he is hott!!!!!!!!!lol

You reveal another side of yourself:
SUCK MY WWEEEEENNNNIEEEEEEEEE

SUCK IT!

John Kerry supports the troops. Word!

You offer way too much information:
Re: OMG Britney Sex Tape OMG!!!!! (Probably/Maybe.): Someone teach that girl how to suck a dick, PLEEEEEEEEEEEAS....and we think celebrities are having great sex! No wonder they are all getting divorced! What was she in, a lick the tip contest??? Are you supposed to see that much dick during a blow job??? Bury it Brit. Bury it or switch to pussy.

Re: Kleenex Personality Assessment Tells Women What They Really Don't Want to Hear: my vagina likes transparency pink when it's crying and cocoa berries blue for those other special times.

Re: Gawker Comments: The How & Why: I have a rash the size of Katie Holmes head on my ass, it itches - any comments?

You are clearly (self-)delusional:
Re: Alex Kuczynski's Amazon Adventure Continues: What, where, when, how, why, who???

"Living well is the best revenge", and if Alex K is living with Charles Stevenson at 740 Park, she is certainly "living well"...even if she does "work" for a living.

Hey Gawker
"Living well is the best revenge", and if Alex K is living with Charles Stevenson at 740 Park, she is certainly "living well"

Hey Gawker
"Living well is the best revenge" and if Alex K. is living with Charles Stevenso at 740 Park, she is certainly "living well"

Hey Gawker
"Living well is the best revenge",
and if Alex K. is living at 740 Park with Charles Stevenson, she's certainly "living well"
[Note: These last four were all sent by the same person over the course of several hours. - Ed.]

You are observant:
Re: Remainders: At Least We Never Dated Eric Schaeffer, Unlike All of You: Jews do it with kosher penis's

You are probably not Neel Shah:
Re: 'BBC': Indian Men Have Tiny Dicks. Neel Shah: "No Comment.": you fuck ass how bout your own dick. My name is motherfukin neel shah bitch and i hit yo momma last night so fuck you bitch ass!

You haven't been around long:
Re: Ghetto Pass: The Ghetto Chinese Spot: is gawker.com run by jews?

You "get" us:
Re: Stop Quoting Borat, Or We Will Never Make Sexytime To You Again: so many faggots commenting i dont know where to begin

Gold Star Motel: Stumped

Emily Gould — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 18:05:14 EDT

^{Each week, a handful of reader comments are selected for inclusion and veneration in the Gold Star Motel. Standards of excellence are arbitrary, fluid, and contradictory. The reward is strictly honorary (at best). This week:}

Re:Let Jason Calacanis Make YOU A Famous Blogger
• Jason Calcanis:
" would just like to add that impossible is nothing, and that you should never let people hold you back. If someone tries to tell you that you can't be an A-list blogger cross them out of your life—never speak to them again.
It will also help if you keep yourself physically fit—a strong body equals a strong blog post.
best regards,
JDAWG
(currently bench pressing 80 pounds with a 16MPG ping pong serve that you will not be able to return)"

Re: Gossip Roundup: Rachael Ray's Mmm Face
• Larry Forney:
"Don't front, ho. Rachael Ray is the age-appropriate Delta Burke I've been waiting for since I was 11."
Re:Gawker Bowling: The Ladies Of Maxim
• fasthugger:
"I'd let Stein put his fingers in my holes (if I were a bowling ball, naturally)."
Re:Posh Spice Book Club to Be Hot Mess (Of The D'Urbervilles)
• Honoria Glossop:
"I hope they read Day of the Locust."
Re: Angelina Jolie And People: Who Adopted Whom?
• mediahohoho:
"A couple of observations: People has been looking for a Princess Di replacement since her forehead smacked the center divide in 97. Those bones are only good for one or two covers (which people still buy, natch) per year.
People covers are good for a +/- $1.5 million swing every week. Clearly, AnJo sells magazines.
Once again, the human interest difference in People pays dividends and is the reason US and all the other P wannabees will never come close. This is a magazine that rakes in close to $2 billion in revenue per year. Think about that.
And lest you think I'm cheerleading for this rag, just know that, though I do know a lot about that part of the business, I abhor it. I think the celeb addiction is like a particularly malicious strain of crack. And I also think that young, single women's obsession with this mental junk food is 75% of the reason you'll lose the right to a safe, legal abortion by the time this decade is over (fewer than 40% of eligible single women voters did so in the last presidential election).
Enjoy your reading."
Re:Larry King Loves Some Parts Of Heather Mills
• Whiteboyfunfark:
"I so wanted to add a snappy comment here, but I must admit I'm stumped ..."

Gold Star Motel: A Cloak Of Eternal Youth

Emily Gould — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 17:20:00 EDT

Re:Jonathan Safran Foer and Nicole Krauss Need Their Space
• whatever:
"If my parents were Safran Foer and Krauss I would want to keep as far away from them as possible. Fuck my own floor, I'd want my own separate house."

Re: This Week In Gawker Commenter Executions
• JupiterPluvius:
"Lynn Yeager is the Baroness Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven of our day. To criticize her look for not being pretty is like criticizing the Venus de Milo for not being a good hatrack. I am 100% serious about this. It takes ovaries of titanium to approach your self-presentation as an artwork rather than a beauty pageant."
Re:Dave Eggers Desperate To Welsh On Bad Bet
• ellagood:
"i can't read that shit. everything looks like a dispatch from the fucking boston tea party."
Re:Thrillist Endorses Most Douchey Product Ever
• TedSez:
"They come in four styles: Sanskrit Sayings You Don't Understand, Illustrations That Meant a Lot to a Seattle Rock Drummer in 1997, Bennington Philosophy 201 Cheat Sheet, and Guide to Busting Your Brother Out of Prison."
Re:Irish People Demand Right To Drink Anywhere:
• KarenUhOh:
"Throw Up In My Mouth A Little, I'm Irish."
Re: Samantha V. Chang Is 30, Wise:
• zkemeny:
"I imagine I seem strange and worlds away but also familiar. We might both be wearing chipped black nail polish; it's one last fashion I find irresistible.
Um...no. the poor teenage girl is probably just wondering 'why the hell is that creepy old mom staring at me with that look of needy desperation? And whats with the black nail polish? Is she planning to skin me and wear me as a cloak of eternal youth??'"

Earlier: Fist Me On Christmas Morning

Gold Star Motel: Fist Me On Christmas Morning

Emily Gould — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 16:33:58 EST

Re: Kreepie Kats: Klonopin Is Taking It From An N+1er
• Phyllis Nefler: "Can I take it from Ketchup? FUPA [*] notwithstanding. Hmm, now that I think of it, pun intended on the "P" in FUPA." [Ed Note: technically Ketchup has a FLPA.]

Re:Modern Love: You Own Some Babies!
• The Real JR:
"Slightly OT, but I went to that First Saturdays thing at the Brooklyn Museum this past weekend and I totally have to say... there are too many fucking babies in Brooklyn. Holy shit. And these parents let these kids just walk around everywhere with no reining in. You're watching a performance, Capoeira no less, and a toddler's just wandering around like it's Gymboree or something. Then they're plowing those giant strollers through the wine-ladened 11pm after party like it's Target...

I mean, I know I'm all late on this and I've been "ha-ha'ing" with the rest of you about the Park Slope complaints and shit, but I mean like, when you see it for yourself... GOT DAMN! It's like reading Angelina talk about Darfur or actually being chased down by a wild-eyed screaming Janjaweed hanging out the back of a jeep swingin a machete at your head. I mean, dayum."

Re:Reading 'Russia'!
• KarenUhOh:
"If you have a magazine in which Dave Eggers gets fucked from behind by a bear in order to make cabbage in a few easy steps, I would be interested in subscribing."

Re:From The Managing Editor: A Chris Noth Apology
• momo:
"Choire Bradshaw?" [Ed Note: Umm, totally fuck you for putting this in, Emily! —c.]

Re:From The Managing Editor: A Chris Noth Apology
• sexbot:
"I feel bad for the guy. I saw him in SoHo once and every Midwestern tourist housewife was pissing her stretch pants because MR. BIG was walking down the street. Oh yeah, and it was 3:30 pm on a Tuesday, and he still looked hung over. By the way, where the fuck is the guy that played Steve on SATC? I'd let that dude fist me on Christmas morning."

Re: Cornell Student Hates "West Bushwick"
• janine:
"I propose a new reality TV show where Chris Noth confronts different "New Yorkers" and explains to them why they must leave. He is, of course, free to run his hand back and forth over his bristle of hair during these interventions."

Re:Was Daniel Really Danniellynn's Daddy?
• blackstrap:
"what if SHE is the father? woooaaahhh"

Earlier: Tastes Like Obligation

Mold Star Motel: Sleep Well, Fluffball

abalk2 — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 12:40:34 EST

Each week, thousands of reader comments are rejected by our sharp-eyed hall monitor Intern Kaila. In honor of today's closing ceremonies for an American icon, we have selected some of the most interesting rejected comments concerning the late Anna Nicole Smith. Please bear in mind that all these comments are real, and that individuals actually sat down and typed them out, sometimes even spell-checking them first. We may mock our regular commenters on occasion, but you guys are positively Shakespearean compared to these folks. Take a look:

Re: And Now She's Dead: Anna Nicole Smith: "A sad young lady got what she reached for; a hand full of fame to eat with sugar and white flour. Walmart queen of no consequence. Sleep well fluff ball. Fear not for your daughter. We have her well in mind. She will be dipped in honey and tossed to the wind. Her protectors will work for her interest as they did for your own. Love and peace dear queen of this mortal play. We are bested by your passing."

Re: And Now She's Dead: Anna Nicole Smith: "Some of the comments I've read on here are so creul. A woman has passed and all you people can say is hateful things, hope you all go to hell"

Re:
Howard K. Stern Actually Slept With Anna Nicole Smith: "All these bastards make me sick. Anna Nichole Smith was a beautiful woman. She loved her son and baby daughter. I do believe she loved Howard K. Stern. I do believe he is the baby,s daddy. She put his name on the birth record and that is how it should stay. her deranged mother who she hated just wants money and fame. LarryScrewhead is an ass and he wants who knows what. I am so glad the judge had a heart to bury her by her son which she wanted. She was going to marry Howard K Stern because she loved him and had a baby with him and that should be enough for any judge and any court. The hell with the rest of them money hungry bastards . Howard I think you are a wonderful man and hope you and Dannilynn have a wonderful, happy life together."

Re: And Now She's Dead: Anna Nicole Smith: "Like a rollercoaster ride
Up and down her life flew
Ending in an enigma."

Re: And Now She's Dead: Anna Nicole Smith: "wow, SO edgy and cool of you to mock a dead woman. you've proven what i knew all along: you're all a bunch of self-important NY douchebags"

Well, something's been proven.

Gold Star Motel: Tastes Like Obligation

Emily Gould — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 15:49:02 EST

Re: The Bruni Chodorow Feud Smolders:
•Sid Hudgens:
"You know what is also "an utterly honest assesment?" The fact that Frank Bruni doesn't take the Times at home, so he had to go across the street to Starbucks to buy a copy of his own paper, New Yorker writer in tow."

Re:Breaking: Explosion In Front Of Conde Nast Building:
• I Bent My Wookie:
"well, that disproves my theory that if "manhole" is said three times in a row, Momo will appear."
• momo:
"hello? how'd I get here?"
Re:The Internets Try To Describe Their Lady-Tastes:
• sheistolerable:
"@TedSez: As opposed to your dick, which tastes like RAW UNBRIDLED DESIRE, right?"

Earlier: Naked Britney Singing About India

Gold Star Motel: Naked Britney Singing About India

Emily Gould — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 17:40:53 EST

Re: Yuppy Brooklyn To Welcome Plucky New Neighbors
• bacon-yum:
"How long until someone also wants to keep real-live Puerto Ricans in their yard as well? You know, to complete that whole "vintage" Brooklyn feel."

Re:Media Bubble: Meth Mag Sales Slaves Of America
• Yossarian:
"I get such a chick-boner when [Brian Williams] talks like that.
That man can do no wrong."
Re: "Pinkberry People" To Look Into Flavor Swirling!
• longacre:
"Pinkberry is the most pretentious Hello Kitty-influenced Asian-owned business since Gothamist."
Re: Britney Spears Must Be Stopped
• Slackferno:
"I don't want to see a naked Britney singing about India."

Earlier: Bitch Still Got Her Cake

Gold Star Motel: Bitch Still Got Her Cake

Emily Gould — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 18:20:45 EST

Re: Gawker Pinup Gallery: Julia Allison and Brooke Parkhurst
• oovy:
"This reminds me of the time in 8th grade when I spent all night baking a birthday cake from scratch for my English teacher because I hated her fucking guts and I slayed my 13 year-old self with the irony. Bitch still got her cake."

Re: Ghost of Carrie Bradshaw Haunts HBO Store
• Steverino:
"I couldn't help but wonder: Did I really look like the ghost in my projected image, or was I just doing some projecting of my own? It reminded me of the time when Samantha thought she was having an affair with the ghost that haunts her building and then it turned out to be an albino homeless man. I immediately called up Big to make him feel guilty about it and to yell at him for not buying more "I'm A Carrie" t-shirts."
Re: Drew Barrymore's Valentine Was Spike Jonze; Arcade Fire To Do SNL
• visavis:
"'Moving on' is moot when the only person you're capable of caring for is yourself."
Re: Tools Love Their Blackberries
• Phyllis Nefler:
"I was recently at The Waverly Inn arguing with a friend about whether or not I saw Max Abelson at Denise LeFrak's book party the other night. Before he could say "Greenmarket beets with humbolt fog goat cheese - and bring out some of those naughty shaved truffles, won't you Malcolm?" I had used my BlackBerry Pearl to connect to New York Social Diary and was in the process of reciting David Patrick Columbia's words confirming that I was, of course, correct."
Re:'The Economist' Salutes Anna Nicole Smith's Rack:
• Slackferno:
"This seals the deal: in fifty years, Anna Nicole will have a gay grandson on CNN."

Earlier: Big Bag of Emos

Gold Star Motel: Big Bag of Emos

Emily Gould — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 17:25:00 EST

Each week, a handful of reader comments are selected for inclusion and veneration in the Gold Star Motel. Standards of excellence are arbitrary, fluid, and contradictory. The reward is strictly honorary (at best). This week:

Re:Win a Valentine's Day White Castle Date with The Assimilated Negro!:
• ADM:
"that particular white castle is not that edgy. i don't even think they have a buzzer for the bathroom."
Re: Meet Your New Friend Flip:
• ediebeale:
"I just got molested in my mouth by Doctor72 a little."

Re:Fashion Week: Michael Kors:
• The Real JR:
"So when they do the more edgy, gothy makeup shows, does the sign go:

"BIG BAG OF EMOS!
You are all of WOE.
You've lost your blackberry and now can't find ANY DEALER in ANY PART OF THE WORLD!
Girls be MOODY! Girls be INDIFFERENT TO COMPLIMENTS!

Now work that MAGIC!"

Earlier: Thin White Dyke