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Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
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Casey Johnson and Tila Tequila to Achieve World's Messiest Marital Bliss

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TheSometimesWhy
02:41 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
The previous post by the ever-insightful MND touches on the status crime that is ravaging this great country of ours. I am speaking, of course, of the felony being committed on a daily basis, right here beneath our very noses--people are getting old! This toxic tidal wave has even soaked the very foundation of our culture--our celebrity elite--weakening us all in the process.

What can you do, in this, our moment of challenge? Man the parapets of public opinion! Support intrepid souls like Demi "Less-Is-Never" Moore, who dare to ask the necessary questions--"How am I supposed to look?!?!?"

Those words will live for an eternity, right next to "Give me liberty or give me death!"* (and by "death" I mean some form of life in which I look really young for my age, despite that I have passed into the Great Beyond), or "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Unless, of course, you count the fear of getting old, which we really don't have to fear. So long as our insurance covers elective plastic surgery and the like."

These maxims are our compasses, our North Star. And Ms. Moore, by flinging herself into the conflagration that is Ageism, has turned her seemingly vacuous existence into a cause celebre. She has dived on the socio-cultural grenade, she has fallen on the existential sword staring us all directly in the face, all by giving voice to the only real question of the ages: "How am I supposed to look?"

For once, dear Demi, you look just fine. In fact, you have never sounded better.
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MissNormaDesmond
02:22 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
I'm 49. I think you're misunderstanding Moore's response, which is natural, because you don't have her perspective. Saying "I'm 47, how am I supposed to look?" is saying, "I'm fine with my age and how I look, but you seem to have an expectation that I should look some other way. Why?" It's not letting it get to her, it's asking a question I'm glad she asked. Unfortunately, it seems nearly impossible to get people to question the assumption that everyone must want to be 22.
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cmon
02:41 PM

@MissNormaDesmond: Seconded.
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snugbug
03:24 PM

@MissNormaDesmond: If Ms. Moore is fine with the way she looks at her age, why did she + her almighty publicist squadron allow W magazine to airbrush her into an anatomically implausible 15-year-old on this month's cover of W mag?

Had she the moral courage of her purported convictions, she'd have twittered something along the lines, "OMG, you guys: They gave me collarbones you can slice bread on and weirdly shrunk my left hip so it appears equal in width to my waist. LOL!"

Gee, I do wonder why anyone would have unrealistic expectations about how she really looks..

And PS: The publicists for celebs of her magnitude get to sign off on the retouched pics before they go to print.
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bitch_pleaze
03:26 PM

@MissNormaDesmond: Wow. You really seem to know Demi inside and out.

Would you mind asking her the following questions when you speak with her next:

1) When will she and Emilio be making Wisdom II?

2) Was St. Elmo's Fire the pinnacle or the nadir of her career?

3) Does her plastic surgeon have payment plans? My 57 yr old Grandmother is interested getting a "Demi" (e.g. a full body lift).
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snugbug promoted this comment Edited by bitch_pleaze at 12/19/09 3:28 PM bitch_pleaze was starred bitch_pleaze was unstarred

snugbug
03:35 PM

@bitch_pleaze: What I'm personally dying to know is what Bruce Willis is like in bed. Frisky? Tender? A ravenous beast of unbridled, Reagan-quoting passion? Combo of all three? Also, does he sing in the shower? Pointedly, does he sing the hits from his global-hit record The Return of Bruno? I adore Bruce Willis and I'm very frustrated that he hasn't yet taken to Twitter. Demi, I beseech you: Spill the beans. GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!
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bitch_pleaze
03:39 PM

@snugbug: Great idea.

Ms. Desmond please also ask Demi to ask Bruce what Cybill Shepperd was really like during the the "Moonlighting" days. Did David ever get it on with Maddy in real life?
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Island of Misfit Toys
01:17 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
Demi looks amazing in that photo, for a 47-year old woman.

Unfortunately, she looks haggard for a 22-year old starlet, as that is the age women are supposed to resemble in Hollywood.
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random_play
01:04 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
Old? Demi looks like she's about to go through Pre-Raphaelitopause. Is that a photo or a painting?
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i'm a bottle
01:36 PM

@random_play: Damn. You are so friended, "Pre-Raphaelitopause." I'm cleaning off the 7 & 7 from my monitor.
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Edited by i'm a bottle at 12/19/09 1:39 PM i'm a bottle was starred i'm a bottle was unstarred

fatmonalisa
02:31 PM

@i'm a bottle: You're drinking this early too? My scotch and I salute you!
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i'm a bottle
02:39 PM

@i'm a bottle: I'm in a time zone six hours ahead of my time stamp.
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tonilost
03:00 PM

@fatmonalisa: Snow rules apply, like suspended alternate side of the street parking. Cin Cin!
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allyzay
03:05 PM

@tonilost: Oh! I forgot about snow rules...brb, making a drink.
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Lysergic Asset
12:52 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
Foster: Sorry that you're freezing! I love your gossip roundups. I used to rarely read these, but I'm hooked on your rarefied style.

You guys should come down to the Puerto Vallarta area. I went to an amazing wedding on the beach last evening, and everyone was barefoot. Idyllic doesn't even begin to describe it. All the East Coasters were dreading their return flights home.

Then again, our summers are hot and sweltering, like all the circles of Hell combined, so Mother Nature shits on us, too.
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MyNameIsChris
01:07 PM

@Lysergic Asset: I'll be Puerto Vallarta next month! Can't believe I'm going to miss feces season...
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Lysergic Asset
01:08 PM

@MyNameIsChris: This is the best time of year... quite literally paradise. Enjoy, and maybe arrange to go back home in April or so. :-)
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Mike Jahn
12:38 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
Now that my crazy-woman quota is filled by Lady Gaga, Courtney can descent into the depths of rock obscurity unobserved.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
12:31 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
If Demi is going to live her life on Twitter, then she'll need to respond to the twits and I rather love what she
said.

Gossip: a friend of mine from L.A. used to work for her, years ago, and said she was the wildest, most uninhibited, sexxxual person she'd ever known.
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Edited by Banjo-Sea Kitten at 12/19/09 12:45 PM Banjo-Sea Kitten was starred Banjo-Sea Kitten was unstarred

marciax3
12:42 PM

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: What exactly is "all that work"? Getting a boob job isn't what kept her slim, which is what most people have truck with. Both she and Courtney Cox seem to be victims of the "how dare this bitch stay skinny!" brigade.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
12:51 PM

@marciax3: there was a rumor that Demi had lots of work done several years ago, which she has denied. (I
deleted that from my comment.)

Courteney Cox is starting to look just plain weird, however.

I hold no grudges against those who stay fit and healthy. I do it myself. Yet if I were famous and my face and body scrutinized this way, I'd be tempted to go under the knife, yep.
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Lysergic Asset
12:56 PM

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: After being considered "the wildest, most uninhibited, sexxxual person", it must be a huge letdown for some random Twitterer (Tweeter, Twit, or whatever the fuck they're called) to tear her down like that.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
01:00 PM

@Lysergic Asset: She's a surviva'. She's got the whole package: good marriage to a successful young dude, good relationship with her ex, nice kids and a career and she can't really act in my opinion! Got get 'em, Demi.
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get the buttah
01:05 PM

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: As a 45 yr old (babe ;-), I like what she said too. The sooner these young (my assumption) twits realize that age creeps up on you as you go, the better. It's not like you wake up one day, and look old (although sometimes it can feel that way ;-).
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Lysergic Asset
01:06 PM

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: She'll need to become a Bodhisattva to survive in the public eye much longer.

Although: come to think of it, Helen Mirren's still kickin' it... oh, wait, she can act.
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Edited by Lysergic Asset at 12/19/09 1:06 PM Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred

Banjo-Sea Kitten
01:11 PM

@Lysergic Asset: wouldn't you love to see that? I'm old and I embrace it, now put me in your damn movie! The trend seems scarily the other way right now.
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MyNameIsChris
01:12 PM

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: Please never talk about somebody being the wildest, most uninhibited, sexxxual person on earth again. It's giving me flashbacks to my dad saying that about my mom. Fuckin' hippie parents...
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Lysergic Asset
01:18 PM

@MyNameIsChris: That is, indeed, pretty gross. We'll try to shield your eyes in the future.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
01:19 PM

@MyNameIsChris: Sweetie, all of our parents did it. My parents were drunk, uncool ski bums and 75% of their kids were accidents! I'm. OK. with. all. of. this. now.
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Lysergic Asset
01:22 PM

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: The trick is really, truly, honest to God not giving a shit about anything but your own contributions and fulfillment. Of course, this is easier to do when you're not living in the public eye.

Hollywood will never change... I love old movies (I'm a TCM junkie) and the age gaps between men and women were significantly greater way back when... and it was never remotely an issue. (Kind of like if almost every movie these days had romantic leads like Entrapment.)
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anyonecanwhistle
02:06 PM

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: yeah, she's become so famous and even almost cool without really being a good actress.
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siarna
02:26 PM

@Lysergic Asset: Helen Mirren makes me want to be a lesbian.
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fatmonalisa
02:58 PM

@Banjo-Sea Kitten: According to my dad who funds movies, it's kind of an insider-y well known thing that Demi had work done in the late 90's but it was hardly what one would call "work" it was more of a nip and some serious laser treatments.
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Banjo-Sea Kitten
03:28 PM

@fatmonalisa: Well, hello there, FML, I don't believe we've met. Um, yes, Demi, lasers, what you said.

How's your dad?
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Poodle_Heart
12:15 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
Next big plastic surgery trend: Armpit filler. And total full body skin replacement. After that, decanting previously made clones. Because those things are all that's left, really. xoxo
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AzureTexan
12:14 PM

In reply to Demi Moore's Ages-Old Empire of Dirt
What's also weird is that as Demi's gotten older, she's begun sprouting a large bearded man from her left hip and a piece of astroturf from her vagina.
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Tart of Darkness
12/18/09

In reply to Does the Horrible Beard Get in the Way When Brangelina Have Sex?
Maybe I'm the only person that thinks this but despite Jolie's in your face sex appeal and Pitt's sexy boy reputation and abs, I find it hard to imagine that sex between them is sexy in any way. I think they each lack a sort of earthiness that comes with good sexiness and that beard does not increase the earthiness factor in any way.
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Lysergic Asset
12/18/09

In reply to Does the Horrible Beard Get in the Way When Brangelina Have Sex?
I haven't lived in the states in a while, but is $13 an hour actually considered 'good money' in NYC these days? If so, does everyone still live with their parents and eat intermittently?
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CrayonSmoothie
12/18/09

@Lysergic Asset: According to the Living Wage Calculator, $13 an hour would count as a 'living wage' though it depends on exactly where in NYC one lives.
Living Wage Calculator here: [snipurl.com]
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charliebabbles
12/18/09

@Lysergic Asset: $13 an hour is an awful wage. I was making $15 an hour under the table doing construction 20 years ago.
She doesn't live in NYC; I believe her moniker is "The Princess of Poughkeepsie."
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Lysergic Asset
12/18/09

@charliebabbles: From what I recall of Poughkeepsie (that is such a weird word to type), she's probably right.
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theresa crane
12/18/09

@Lysergic Asset: Got a bachelor's degree and making 12.50 an hour!!
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Lysergic Asset
12/18/09

@theresa crane: What a crazy world. I hope it improves for you!
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BadUncle
12/18/09

In reply to Does the Horrible Beard Get in the Way When Brangelina Have Sex?
Madonna told me that buying a pair of my shoes is more satisfying than having sex with a man.

Why not just have sex with the shoe, Jimmy Choo, Jimmy Choo?
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LatestBy
12/18/09

In reply to Does the Horrible Beard Get in the Way When Brangelina Have Sex?
I think Brangelina (which to me sounds like some bran-based Tang) would be treated like the word "couple" in the AP Stylebook, which, I'm pretty sure means it's singular when referring to them as one unit (The Brangelina has to deal with that beard during sex) and when "couple" is used in the sense of two individuals together, it's plural (Brangelina aren't married, they're just living in beard-y sin).

Word nerd out!
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jenndavo
12/18/09

@LatestBy: Glad I'm not the only one who signed in to post "'Brangelina' should be considered a collective noun and therefore ..." Word nerds unite!
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Miss Anita Manbadly
12/18/09

@LatestBy: It's unfortunate, but whenever I read "Brangelina" I hear the "Thumbelina" theme song.
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LatestBy
12/18/09

@jenndavo: Yahoo! Hearted.
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Trixie from Toronto
12/18/09

In reply to Does the Horrible Beard Get in the Way When Brangelina Have Sex?
Hugh Grant has never been married. I know, because I send mail proposing to him frequently and he always turns me down.

Brad Pitt always grows that billy-goat beard when he's souring on his woman. He did the same thing in the last year or two of his marriage to Jennifer Aniston. I wonder if it's in order to turn them off him physically? That's probably the last thing to go given he's not much of a catch intellectually.
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DahlELama
12/18/09

@Trixie from Toronto: This is true; the article just lists those people as Trope's clients, but it doesn't mean she served in a divorce-lawyer capacity for them, which she obviously couldn't have.
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bluebears
12/18/09

@Trixie from Toronto: Good theory. How devious of him.
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Miss Anita Manbadly
12/18/09

@Trixie from Toronto: And here I thought he was just preparing for the lead in the Colonel Sanders story.
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FormerEnglishMajor
12/18/09

In reply to Does the Horrible Beard Get in the Way When Brangelina Have Sex?
Angelina had a tummy tuck after the twins (which she has admitted to). First thing the doctors ask you is: "you know there's no more kids after this, right?" Because they remove the blown-out muscles so there is not enough muscles left for a baby to expand. So I think she's letting these stories happen, but the only children they will continue to have will be adopted ones.
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