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Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
GLAAD's Okay with ABC's Lambert Ban, Because Not All Gay Kisses Are Created Equal
Lindsay Has Her Eye on Jessica Alba's Man
Rihanna: All Girlfriends Owe Their Abusive Boyfriends Nudie Pics
Heiress Accused of Breaking, Entering, and Discarding Used Vibrator in Supermodel's Bed
Salahis Wedged Themselves Into Pictures of Obama, Celebrities Before
The Kingdom of St. Jetersburg: Derek Jeter's Awesome Sex Palace of Shagged Balls.
Also, Jennifer Aniston May Be Dating Your Thanksgiving Leftovers, Too
Woody Allen Is in Love with Carla Bruni
Tinsley Mortimer's Reality Show Is Already Criminal

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DahlELama
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
I judged Taylor Swift by her SNL performance, so I may as well wait another week and do the same with her man candy. I do, however, find him quite pretty. Team that guy over Team creepy sparkly vampire any day.
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KikiCanuck
12/05/09

@DahlELama: I went to the fucking Twilight sequel last weekend, and am now Team Man(Boy)-Taylor to the core. A pleasant alternative to the sparkly-one's RIDICULOUSLY asymmetrical nipples. The larger one is ringed with hair. Like a pale pink lion with a scraggly mane. That this jailbait man candy was able to wipe this image from my mind for even a second is all the evidence I need.
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secretagentman
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
I read on Nikki Finke (Toldja!) that Lautner will be playing 'Max Steel' in a big new movie. i was elated til I realized it wasn't a gay porno. I hope he continues to be a decent guy and doesn't become a Hollywood dink.
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BlinkyMcChuck
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
Taylor Lautner is pretty enough to make you feel gay, even if you are not. That boy is smoking hot.
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iplaudius
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
Taylor Swift’s SNL appearance sealed it for me too. If you need to be convinced that Taylor Lautner is an alright kid, watch his appearance on the Tonight Show with Conan: very nice, poised, odd but endearing, a bit nervous, and not full of shit (Hulu).
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Motoko Kusanagi
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
Typical narcissist couple -- they look identical to each other.
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triplethreat
12/05/09

@Motoko Kusanagi: That is crazy. She is a tall skinny pale blonde and he is super-buff olive skinned brunette.
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Motoko Kusanagi
12/05/09

@triplethreat: Their faces are basically the same.
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Ogiri W Surie
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
Sorry, since when is that proto-human brow thing Taylor Lautner has going on, considered attractive?

Kids these days, I don't get them. And, get off my lawn.
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Uncle_Billy_Slumming
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
It's all a big plot to take over the world by the skinny people with six-packs and overbites.
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seyswho
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
Somebody pass the bottle and the pipe, because I just cannot stomach another sober minute of hearing about the endless parade of interchangeable tweens and their interchangeable relationships with their cutesy-puke names (Taylor², srsly?) and their fake-as-shit "family values and morals" shtick, especially when you just know they're all pounding the fuck out of each other the second there are no cameras around.

Sorry for the grumpiness, but that one had been building for a while.
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Lysergic Asset
12/05/09

@seyswho: I hear you. I do not recall a time previous in my history when teenagers were given such social primacy and intrinsic relevance for the amazing, remarkable, rarefied, exceptional and exclusive reason of being young.

With the exception of the preternaturally gifted Dakota Fanning, I seriously doubt that any of these kids has anything original or relevant to say, either.
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Edited by Lysergic Asset at 12/05/09 1:44 PM Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred

Trai_Dep
12/05/09

@seyswho: It's my secret hope that it's the blonde Taylor that's the top in the relationship. And that the brunette one howls in feigned surprise that she's filling a need deep within him that needs fulsome sating.
...Even though both know it's the wolfpack he kept at home that he's really thinking about.
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ninety_nine
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
Should have pitched it to Deadspin
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AzureTexan
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
"Julia Roberts is the face of Lancome."

Oh, cool, does this mean Judd Nelson will be the new face of Aqua Velva Ice Sport?
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pureblarney
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
She makes all the other teen popettes we've had over the last few years look like vapid vampire octopus brain succubus machines...

This is true. Thank you, Foster!

(Just so I know, what exactly is an octopus brain? Like, it attaches itself to your cranium? Because that's how I've felt sometimes.)
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DaveDavies
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
Taylor Swift is a Shiksa? What's a Shiksa?
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Foster Kamer
12/05/09

@DaveDavies: Welcome to Gawker Dot Com. Take a ticket and siddown.

[en.wikipedia.org]
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Lysergic Asset
12/05/09

@Foster Kamer: What you really need to explain to newcomers is why some commenters have hearts and stars and others are sadly devoid of them.*

*(I think it's been a while since the whole friends/followers tutorial, but then again, I just got back here a week ago.)
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Edited by Lysergic Asset at 12/05/09 12:36 PM Lysergic Asset was starred Lysergic Asset was unstarred

Mike Jahn
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
What kind of a car will hold a bottle of water upright on the dashboard? And what is she smiling at? There's something wrong here, people.
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howdybeep (runs with monkey wrenches)
12/05/09

@Mike Jahn: I'm sure I will be proven wrong by a Jalopnik reader, but I think, judging by the gauge cluster, that they're in a Mini.
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Atilla the Bun
12/05/09

@howdybeep (runs with monkey wrenches): I embarrassed to admit I know this, but it is a Porsche. I guess when your movie makes a half a billion dollars in two weeks, you can get one of those.
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Unsolicited Advice
12/05/09

In reply to Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are a Reasonable Solution to an Unreasonable Issue
Taylor Swift won me over completely. She actually seems put-together and mentally competent.
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Swifter
12/05/09

@Unsolicited Advice: I just ordered her CD, since it isn't produced by the evil Sony corporation.
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triplethreat
12/05/09

@Unsolicited Advice: I'm with you. I was incredibly sick a few weeks back and randomly watched a bunch of her youtube videos and she seems pretty sweet and normal, as does her mom. I thought it was just the painkillers at the tme but I rewatched recently as a control and felt the same way. That's not to say she couldn't still turn into a monster but now: adorbs.
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bodegacat
12/04/09

In reply to GLAAD's Okay with ABC's Lambert Ban, Because Not All Gay Kisses Are Created Equal
I call bullshit that ABC didn't know what Adam was going to do. AP reporter Derrik J. Lang came out with an article about Adam's rehearsals BEFORE the AMAs were broadcast and wrote about the crotch grab. As for the kissing - impromptu kissing between women has become so common as to be cliched, and impromptu hetero kissing is, of course de rigueur. Awards shows live for unscripted moments - as long as they're hetero or between women (which hetero men love).

Note that Adam's performance came on the heels of the OUT magazine controversy where editor Aaron Hicklin (and many, many others) accused Adam of not being gay enough, which made international news.

Derrik J. Lang - quoted from his AP article on ADAM'S REHEARSAL PERFORMANCE:

"When he begins performing "For Your Entertainment," the first single and title track from his album out Monday, Lambert's domination turns outrageous.
At one point, he thrusts a leather-clad male backup dancer's face toward his crotch, and later flashes a knowing smile as he strokes the same dancer's cheek after plowing through a door that swings both ways.
This is not your typical award show routine.
"There are a lot of double standards as far as that goes," the openly gay singer says backstage, a few days before his Sunday performance. "We've seen female pop and rock performers do that for the last 10 years. They've been very provocative, owning their power and sexuality. You just don't see men doing it very often. And I'm hoping to break down that double standard with this number."

The press were paying attention to Adam's rehearsals - where was ABC? Oh, that's right, telling everyone how provocative Adam's performance would be. Then after the fact some homophobe(s) in power got pissed/scared and weren't going to allow that sort of equality malarky. Adam has allowed all the blame to fall on his shoulders, repeating ad nauseam that he got carried away and doesn't blame ABC, his CD promo tour becoming an exercise in self-flagellation.

ABC's decision to cancel Adam on the GMAs and then continue the emasculation by canceling Jimmy Kimmel and New Year's Rockin' Eve is homophobic hypocrisy. And now GLAAD has supported them.

Adam is the current whipping boy of choice from BOTH sides of the argument - he's either too gay or not gay enough. Why don't we just make Adam wear a big red G on his chest and be done with it? How dare he be out and proud of it.

eta: more nearly, how dare he be out, proud and seeking or expecting equality. Off with his head!
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ngonzogo
12/04/09

@bodegacat: Totally agree. I think what we see in GLAAD's floating position is a display of competeing agendas. There are plenty of gays who want to mainstream homosexuality by removing any context or action that might be offensive to the straight community. That has always been true. They want to convince straight America that we're just like them, that we all have 9-5 jobs, wear suits and ties, go to church, want to buy a house in the 'burbs, get married and have our 2.5 kids and a dog. They're convinced that's the way to attaining civil rights equality. In the meantime, anything that reminds straights we're not like them is to be shoved back in the closet.
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bodegacat
12/04/09

@ngonzogo: very true. That, and homophobes prefer their gays served cold, groveling, ashamed and self-loathing. And many are willing to oblige.

I think Adam is most threatening because he's been upbeat, positive and proud. It feels like ABC has been beating him into submission and it really ticks me off, not least because it reminds me of things I heard when visiting certain areas of this country as a child - about minorities needing to "know their place." Which reminds me of bigots who say they don't mind gays, they just don't want it "shoved in their faces." In other words - they should "know their place." Like a closet.

As for GLAAD? Any delusions I had about their integrity are gone.
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