Today's not a good day for Bank of America. In the Wall Street Journal, there was a report saying CEO Ken Lewis told investors that BoA will "shrink the company's 6,100-branch network by about 10%, a pullback from the two-decade expansion that took the bank from coast to coast. The driving force for the closings is changing customer preferences...as online and mobile banking take transactions away from traditional branches," according to sources.

Now there's a review of BoA's glittering new green building at One Bryant Park (yes, the site where glass kept falling off). Bloomberg News' architecture critic James Russelldissects the Cook & Fox-designed structure, "After the 64 percent slump in the bank’s shares since September, this glinting bundle of shards, nearing completion across from Bryant Park, could be considered a monument to bonus-coddled, overindulgent, corporate excess — if it weren’t so dumpy. Worse, it’s gracelessly, earnestly green...The 54-story result is among the most ungainly forms on the skyline, like a matron who swathes herself in thick layers of fabric in a vain attempt to slim her burgeoning silhouette. The tower climaxes with a spire as impressive as an auto antenna." More photos here.

One Bryant Park is also where restaurant Aureole has relocated.

• Chicago 5 Red Bulls 2: It was very simple, a victory and the Red Bulls would have been in the playoffs. Now things aren’t simple anymore. Chicago scored three goals in the first half and then added two more to put the game away in the second.

  The Red Bulls will now have to wait and see what happens with D.C. United and their game on Sunday. A D.C. win and the Red Bulls miss the playoffs. A D.C. loss or tie and the Red Bulls make it in.

Devils 5, Stars 0: The Sean Avery reunion tour is making all the stops in the metropolitan area. Martin Brodeur is also making all the stops. He recorded his 98th career shutout as the Devils cruised and didn't appear to worry about the perennial pest Avery.

On offense, John Madden lit the lamp twice. But Brodeur just keeps moving up the lists. He's eight wins away from Patrick Roy's all-time record of 551. He's also five shutouts away from Terry Sawchuk's career mark of 103. Talk about New York-area sports fixtures.

[Gothamist]

First of all, there were thirty women for every guy. And the guys were all pretty dorky. When you got there you had to wait in this massive line to register. Almost as soon as the event started, you had to go on a scavenger hunt. But instead of it being a group activity, one in which you might actually meet someone, you were supposed to do it alone. It was mostly historical culinary questions that you had to answer by roaming around the aisles.

"The hottest guys there were the ones selling granola and they weren't even part of the event," she said. There was also a message board where you could write secret messages to your fellow sad singles using the number written on their nametags. Lauren doesn't think any couplings were induced despite Gothamist's cupidity—and Craigslist's Missed Connections page, our go-to source on Whole Foods romance, seems to confirm it. Silly Gothamist readers. Don't they realize the really hot singles scene is at Yonah Schimmel's Knishery down the street?

[UPDATE: Josh's dumbass boss headlined this "Sausage Party" earlier because Doree quit yesterday and he's still upset and distracted. So it's her fault really. Fucking bitch. The post headline has been updated. Lord.]

Baby Pandas! Baby Pandas! Baby Pandas! [CNN.com]

Questioning Gothamist's Music-Coverage Hype Machine [Idolator]

UPDATE: Carlson responds.

Why, there's peas! And beets! Calm down before you go further, because now it's time to learn all about lettuce. You know you can make salads with that shit? And dressings can "range from vegetables to croutons to nuts to (dried) fruit." What's not fresh: fresh fruit on salad, apparently. If you have any stamina left for more, then you can climax with "What's Fresh: Potatoes." That's right, they totally went there. Now there's no reason to begrudge a picayune subject, since that's what blogging's all about. But when you're seriously suggesting someone cross town to obtain a particular Yukon Gold, that better be a euphemism for some fantastic drugs.

The End of the Rain and More [Gothamist]
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