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Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts

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Tremonius
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
Loved Grape Nuts. All I am I owe to Grape Nuts. You pour 'em into a hand grinder and when they're just-above-powder you dump it in a bag with some egg whites and seasonings and then your tofu burgers and they you fry it all on a grill outside in the park, with everybody smiling. No part of our diet down south ever had anything to do with metaste; if it was good, then it was good.

'Course I never caught malaria, so maybe it worked?
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City_Dater
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
Grape Nuts are fantastic to have in the house if you have a cat. Useful when you run out of kitty kibble, and kitty litter.
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Spirit Fingers
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
Seriously though, I've never been able to buy these cereals or look at anyone in the store with them in their shopping cart without thinking, "Yeah, uh, someone's having a little trouble with their BMs," as my Grammy would say. Why are we arguing what Grape Nuts claims to do but doesn't? Let's talk about what Grape Nuts and:

1) Shredded Wheat

2) Cracklin Oat Bran

3) Fiber One

4) Raisin Bran

are really here to do? Stop playing coy with the world! They have one purpose and one purpose only.
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CaptainFantastic
06/01/09

@Spirit Fingers: Cracklin Oat Bran is delicious. It tastes like oatmeal cookies, dipped in milk.
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Spirit Fingers
06/01/09

@CaptainFantastic: If you sweeten and let sit in milk for about an hour, Shredded Wheat becomes Cream of Wheat, if that's your kind of thing.
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VoxPopuli
06/01/09

@Spirit Fingers: That's why I go for Poopy Time cereal instead. They include a toy in each box.

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Spirit Fingers
06/01/09

@VoxPopuli: I'm scared to know if that's a real product.
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VoxPopuli
06/01/09

@Spirit Fingers: No, it's a fake that was making its way around the interwebs, but I fear someday it will be a real thing.
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VoxPopuli
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
I had a friend in college who swore by grape nuts and yogurt, but I've never tried them.

I've always thought they were developed by a group of dentists who wanted to get some more work replacing knocked-out fillings and crowns because the sugary cereals weren't rotting the kids' teeth fast enough.
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PrincessKashmir
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
I never liked Grape Nuts until I had them in ice cream form. Sadly, it appears the only places that sell them are bait shops, petting zoos and I-talian shops in Maine.
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dado
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
Grape Nuts was the only cereal I was allowed to put honey on as a kid. Now I know why.
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misslinda
06/01/09

@dado: I've never tried honey on cereal, that sounds delicious! In summercamp, we weren't allowed to have sugared cereal, so we would take Cheerios and dump half a jar of sugar on top. Morons never took the sugar shakers off the tables.
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Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
I loved them as a kid. Bought them several times since in a nostalgic fog, eat one bowl each time then let it get stale. Maybe I'll just run out and buy one last box.
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Wrapitup
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
Some poor guy somewhere wishes he took out a copyright on everyone's nickname for his miniature testicles.
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scroll_lock
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
I use them wadded up in some cheesecloth to strip the old finish off furniture.
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Sarcastro
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
Deez.
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scroll_lock
06/01/09

@Sarcastro: Big Nilla, the Thrilla Who Is Not From Manila!
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misslinda
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
I have never had a grape nut. Because my mother loved me and wanted me to grow up big and strong, she fed me the classics--Frosted Flakes, Sugar Smacks, Froot Loops, Apple Jacks, Boo Berries, Cocoa Puffs....
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scroll_lock
06/01/09

@misslinda: Sugar Smacks are the BEST. Also, Cocoa Krispies. MMMM
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BookishLookish
06/01/09

@scroll_lock: King Vitamin. Have breakfast with the king.

/brainwashed 4evah!
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scroll_lock
06/01/09

@BookishLookish: That's one that I know I never, ever had - I'd have felt disloyal to Burger King.
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scroll_lock
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
After dozens of years shilling Grape Nuts to the olds, Euell Gibbons passed a boulder-sized stone and ex-parred.
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BadUncle
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
I like the way they compact and adhere in sharp little wads beneath your gums.
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DennyCrane
06/01/09

@BadUncle: So they're the chewing tobacco of cereals?
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BadUncle
06/01/09

@DennyCrane: Yes! and they make first users just as queasy.
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Pope John Peeps II
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
wheat, barley, yeast, water

That's odd, they have exactly the same components as Heidi Montag.
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BadUncle
06/01/09

@Pope John Peeps II: i thought she was made of reconstituted cat food.
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Pope John Peeps II
06/01/09

@BadUncle: THat's only her new tits. The rest of her: GRAPE NUTS.
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Lymed
06/01/09

In reply to Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts
But grape nuts are great at creating traction when your care is stuck on ice and snow.
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