At a time of high unemployment and dwindling job alternatives for millions of Americans, Walmart—America's largest private employer—is denying healthcare benefits to many of its part-time employees. It's enough to make a (socialist) person cry in their craft beer (purchased at Walmart).

In case you weren't sure, old guys proudly purchasing young girlfriends for many thousands of dollars with the help of the internet is a totally mainstream phenomenon, now. A Manhattan "mixer" for SeekingArrangement.com (ticket price: $80 for daddies, $40 for babies) drew 400 people on Monday night, the New York Post …

Saying you follow the Moorish Science faith has become the new "I'm 1/16th Cherokee," at least among financial fraudsters. All across our great, greedy nation, people are falsely claiming Moorish Scientist status in order to file phony legal documents, avoid paying taxes, and declare one's self above the law, among…

Today on his radio program, fat blowhard (and Gawker fan!) Rush Limbaugh announced an exciting new venture: a Rush-branded line of chewable OxyContin tablets. Just kidding! No, Limbaugh is totally not addicted to prescription drugs anymore. No, he's hawking iced tea, because why not?

If you're stupid or horrible enough to want RedState.com founder and habitually wrong professional right-wing shit-thrower Erick Erickson to publicly vouch for your product or candidacy, you're in luck! All you need is to pay him, money, in order to compensate him for his credibility among idiots.

Classy American racist Donald Trump is enjoying his post-almost-presidency repose the way any exceedingly wealthy titan of industry would: By trying to peddle cheesy photos of himself and his family to tabloids for $20,000.

No sooner does a team of anonymous American heroes risk their lives in pursuit of a solemn oath of justice than a multinational cartoon corporation seeks to profit from it with shitty tchochkes. Two days after members of the Navy's SEAL Team 6 killed Osama bin Laden, Disney trademarked the name for use in, among other…

Twitter, the lavishly funded microblogging service, is bullying its hometown of San Francisco into $22 million in tax breaks even as the city cuts health, police, transit and virtually all other city services. So much for Twitter's bleeding heart pretensions.

All Madonna wanted was her own private school for impoverished African girls, just like Oprah has (minus the molesty stuff). What she got is a PR nightmare. Her mismanaged charitable foundation, Raising Malawi, is on the verge of collapse, and $3.8 million designated for the school have all but vanished into thin air.

What do rapey secret leaker Julian Assange and greedy imbecile Sarah Palin have in common? Both love money, and have trademarked their names in pursuit of making more of it.

"Greed, greed, and more fucking greed." We've all heard the schpiel about how we got into this economic mess plenty of times (maybe not enough), but have you heard it from a true Irishman, accent and all? Now you have.

The Way We Live Now: stocking up on outrage. You can't blow all your outrage at once during this long and protracted class war. You have to parcel it out. Like budgeting for food, or cable, or your upcoming funeral.

Ponzi-schemer Bernie Madoff's sons Mark and Andrew, and his brother Peter, will face charges according to the AP and WSJ, who say they're likely to be accused of tax fraud, provided they escape securities fraud allegations. [AP, WSJ]

Mercury levels emitted from three Ohio power plants have more than doubled over the past few years. Why, you might ask? So the power company can save money, of course. We're in a recession, people!

So: Visa and Mastercard—who've helped ensure that your brokeass stays broke after buying things that leave you broke—waived fees on Haiti donation transactions. Wells Fargo didn't. Somebody on the internet bitched about it. Wells Fargo's response is hysterical:

Because Congress is populated by venal idiots, the estate tax expires on January 1, 2010 only to rise again on January 1, 2011. So rich old people everywhere are deliberately engineering their lives to end during the next calendar year.

This spring, construction workers at Goldman Sachs' new headquarters in Battery Park City discovered a pregnant feral cat. A local couple rescued the kittens and placed them in homes. Goldman Sachs agreed to pay for their veterinary costs. They didn't.

Did you hear about that little scandal over at AIG? Yea, well, someone's been stealing Vikram Pandit's copy of the Journal from his doorstep the past few mornings because Bloomberg just dropped the bombshell that Citigroup plans to spend "about $10 million" building out new offices for Pandit and his top…