Of course, when your job is to protect the President of the United States, and the first black one at that, it goes without saying, but "strong concern" is the default position. Early on, however, it was really, really bad: one such threat resembles most of them, and take a guess what kind it was. Ready? Yeah: White, former Marine, even had a name for it. "Operation: Patriot." Scary, much?

The Marine, Kody Brittingham, a 20-year-old lance corporal, wrote that he had taken an oath to "protect against all enemies, both foreign and domestic." In a signed "letter of intent," tucked away in his barracks at Camp Lejeune, he identified a "domestic enemy" he planned to eliminate last winter: President Obama.

Creepy white domestic terrorists are the worst kind of creepy. They're not even exotic. And they're predictable in their lameness, too, all creeping out of the woodwork whenever a Democrat gets elected to office. The White House and Secret Service, before Obama was in office, started intercepting a number of threats raising "deep concern." As the Secret Service almost never comments on procedure as a matter of policy—if ever—it's probably safe to assume this was a euphemism for "record amounts."

Though the threats peaked early, they're still trying to discern the difference in how seriously to deal with, say, the Arizona pastor who prayed for Obama to die and the airport security guard in New Jersey who has an arsenal of 43 guns and hollow-point bullets at the ready. That's this charmer, John Brek, who only went to jail for 29 days.

Interestingly enough, Rahm Emmanuel is the guy Homeland Security secretary Janet Napolitano—whose agency has overseen the Secret Service since it was taken over from the Department of Treasury in 2003—reviews everything accumulated by their Internet Threat Desk with every week. Rahm—scary in his own right—is the one sorting through these things, which is somehow reassuring. But there've been far more and far worse ones than we've been privy to. This is where it gets interesting:

A review of dozens of court records and police reports by The New York Times uncovered an array of cases, most of which did not gain public attention even as they rang alarm bells at some of the highest levels of the government. Some involved suspects with a history of violence or mental illness and easy access to guns and explosives, while others involved men whose menacing talk was ultimately deemed to be just that by the authorities.

You know the old saying: Guns don't shoot people, gun-owners shoot people with guns. Both are subject to malfunction and are terrifying. The number of threats against the President spiked again this summer, and naturally, the Secret Service sees the depressed economy as the impetus behind the increased amount of threats. Yet between the Party Gatecrashers incident, the report of the way-more-than-we-knew numbers, and the increased likelihood of this country spawning more and more people who are scared, angry, hungry and pissed with each dollar they find themselves short, we're a long way from any security climate resembling normal.

The further we go, the deeper the hole to fall: especially after the presidency of George W. Bush, which openly encouraged and provoked fanaticism and Christian extremism from the top, electing a black president was never not going to come with these problems. The only comfort anyone can take in this is, I guess, that it didn't stop people from doing so.

See, one is the World's Fastest Nudist and the other one is "The Radical," who I found funnier than I would really care to admit. Technically it'll take one more street-running nudist dude in Williamsburg to make an Official Trend, but why wait? Get running, bored pervs!

Arthur Kade is, let's just say, the John Fitzgerald Page of Philadelphia. He's already locally famous down there for his unbelievably (cannot say "douchey"... think, dammit...) uh, self-absorbed blogging. From his bio:

I recently sold my financial planning practice which yielded a tremendous income and lifestyle to pursue my dream of being a professional actor, and although most people think I'm crazy, I'm the happiest I have been in years.

Our interpretation of this, based upon no facts at all, is "My firm busted in the recession so I decided to pursue my long-unfulfilled dream of being an actor, and this website will surely propel me to fame." Just like JFP. It's eerie, really. So how does Arthur Kade "Take chances….and live" (HIS MOTTO)? Big baller style, of course! Here, he details his spiritual journey—a recent trip to NYC:

Once we arrived in NYC, we went to Mercer Kitchen in Soho (one of my favorite haunts) grabbed an awesome dinner, and had some hilarious conversations. We talked about everything from relationships to politics to hate sex, and I can tell you that if it wasn't so loud in the restaurant, I could have videotaped it, and not had to write a blog today because of all the material that was discussed. Radio Babe's friend Christine, who joined us, must think I am the biggest and horniest jerk-off on Earth. We did not stop laughing for a couple hours.

Ha, surely! Later they went to hot club 1Oak:

Radio Babe was accosted by some guy who claimed he was the creator of some revolutionary video game software, and kept offering to buy us drinks. He was an incredibly nerdy guy, and I have found that when people brag as hard as he was about their successes, they are usually failures or trust fund children (although we googled him on the way home from the city, and he was totally legit; go figure). I told him that the only way that he could continue to talk to Radio Babe was to buy me and her drinks, and he did!!! He probably spent at least $200-$300 on us, and it was great using someone the way my friends and I are usually used by women. My next life I am coming back as a hot woman so I can spend 75 years manipulating men and ruining their lives.

Really you must read the whole thing, it just gets better and better. Though appropriately for our new recession age, his aspirations never get too grand. But the oversharing never stops! Just today he revealed: "I haven't gone two consecutive weeks without sex since I was 19 years old."

Arthur Kade, you deserve to be famous. [ArthurKade.com]

New Yorkers, your #2 bachelor: Steven Rubenstein, the New York Post's own flack. Huh. We'll leave all the commentary here implied.


Former MSNBC dude Dan is already going out with Renee Zellweger. More importantly he's already engaged...in a perversion of journalism. Pervert!


"Ron needs a woman who can be 'uptown' at galas and 'downtown' in the bedroom." Good god. Should not be allowed.


There's no denying that Keith, the most important writer of our time, possesses a sufficient amount of literary fameballdom to make the list. But he lives in Russia now. Sorry ladies.


The wealthy young Facebook founder is the perfect catch? But he lives in California. As does his girlfriend. Sorry ladies, pt. 2.


[They also referred to HOT BACHELOR painter Jules de Balincourt as "Jules Bettencourt"]

As a non-female, non-SATC-watching, needlessly angry crank, I may not fall within the target audience for The Frisky. But is this really necessary?

Chances are (unless you're a character in a Sandra Bullock movie), most of your day-to-day thoughts about love and sex revolve around pop culture ("Britney Spears tends to a shrine of Justin Timberlake? What?!"), health ("Is the HPV vaccine right for me?"), politics ("Are all powerful men total horn dogs?"), fashion ("Do sexy, comfortable shoes actually exist?"), dating ("He took me to the pharmacy to pick up his Propecia prescription!"), and travel ("How do you say 'to the left' in Italian?"). That's why The Frisky tackles all of these facets of life, but with a sexy, carefree, and most of all, relatable twist.

Incredible: until now, there has not been one single site on the internet that women who like Britney Spears, shoes, sex, and sex can relate to! So what kind of breakthrough content is The Frisky rolling out to satisfy the legions of curious women out there? Hey, it's a slideshow of "Cute & Funny Guys!" To be one of the ten cute and funny guys in America, you must be white, famous, beloved of hipster girls, and master of the smug look. Servicey!

Elsewhere, The Frisky teaches women about the sex. Most useful is this clip, where they ask random people on the street how many times a week couples should have sex. To a person, they all look confused about what is going on. Best part is near the end, when the woman somberly explains, "It's totally inappropriate for me to judge what some other couples should be doing in that regard." Thanks!

He surprises:

Stepp: What are (men's) most pressing health problems?

Zinczenko: Number one is their abs.

He advises:

"Let's not treat vanity like a deadly sin. A little more vanity would save a lot more lives."

And he cracks wise-s!

"We did a Harris poll of 5,000 men and women a few years ago. When we asked guys to choose between meeting the love of their life or having sex for six months, 92 percent preferred finding the love of their life. (I think the other 8 percent were probably Maxim readers.)"

Just watch out for the bruising.