Britney Spears: Almost a Jew

Britney is converting to Judaism, Gwyneth is brainwashing her GOOP death cult into thinking that a cleansed colon is the way to God, Jeremy Piven preaches the horrors of fish and Katy Perry frolics in a bikini in Turkey. More »

The Only Time We'll Say This: Gwyneth Paltrow Has a Point

Gwyneth Paltrow, while mostly annoying with her faux Britishness and William Joel-ing, has made at least one good and simple point. Especially as we leave work behind and try to enjoy a holiday weekend. The constant BlackBerrying? Getting really annoying. More »

The Moon and the Stars Align Perfectly For Lindsay Lohan Once Again

Elle is letting LiLo off the hook over the jewels everyone seems convinced that she stole, two cops try to blackmail Sarah Jessica Parker/Matthew Broderick, Mariah Carey will star in a London play and Justin Timberlake loves tequila shots. More »

Leonardo DiCaprio Just Can't Stop Kicking Supermodels to the Curb

Leo the Great dumped Bar Refaeli, Britney Spears is banging her agent at William Morris, Miley Cyrus dumped her boyfriend and is after Nick Jonas, Lauren Conrad's new novel will be horrendous, and David Carradine bought lots of sex toys. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow's Celeb Trainer: Financial Charlatan

Indianapolis Monthly has a very long and very sordid piece about the many financial foibles of Tracy Anderson, celebrity trainer to Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna. [Jezebel]

Kelly Bensimon Accused of Owl Theft

More bad news for Kelly Bensimon. A socialite gets engaged, and an actress turns 30. Plus the requisite Jennifer Aniston sadness news and word of Madonna's continued disgraces. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow's Trash-Talking Is Entertainingly Inept

Kevin Spacey can't go shoe shopping without hanging out in secret back rooms; Madonna can't get rid of her boy toy and Gwyneth Paltrow can't keep secrets. More »

This Week In Tabloids: Brangelina's On The Rocks, Reese Might Get One

Welcome back to midweek madness, in which we gorge ourselves on fresh gossip from the weekly tabloids. Join us as we choke down what In Touch, Life & Style, Us, Ok! and Star are serving. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Pregnancies, Nose Jobs, Cheating & Sex Tapes

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we "read" the celebrity weeklies so you don't "have" to. Contributing editor Margaret assists as we dissect In Touch, Life & Style, Us, Ok! and Star. [Jezebel]

Real Person Lauren Conrad in Real Love Affair with Real Wrestler The Miz.

Sunday morning brings the dawn in. I've got a restless feeling by my side. Oh, halo. It's the tabloids! Today, Lauren Conrad makes some unwise choices and Mr. Lohan makes an unwanted appearance. Read on. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Has No Real Friends

We have a hard time believing that Fishsticks Paltrow is the offspring of Blythe Danner, who seems like a nice lady who doesn't take herself so seriously. More »

Watch Oprah Winfrey Stifle the Urge to Bash Gwyneth Paltrow's Skull In With a Panini Press

We've already shared with you Joaquin Phoenix's flea-ridden performance art; now, onto the next chapter of Two Lovers' doomed PR assault, in which Gwyneth "Fuck the Haters!" Paltrow describes for Oprah her dieting regime. More »

More Albedo, Less Libido

[Gwyneth Paltrow at the New York premiere of her film "Joaquin's Last Stand"; image via Splash] More »

Madonna Mad She Couldn't Help A-Rod With Steroids

Madonna wishes Alex Rodriguez was crying on her shoulder. Meanwhile, a Los Angeles woman is offering her support to hundreds of thousands of traumatized Miley Cyrus victims. More »

Rihanna's Facial Injuries 'Horrific'

The brutal Rihanna-Chris Brown spectacle got somehow worse, as did Miley Cyrus' racism scandal and the gossip about Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage. Must be Tuesday. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Unimpressed By Joaquin Phoenix's Cinematic Rapping

If Joaquin Phoenix really hopes to convince the world that he's the world's greatest undiscovered rapper (and not simply its least essential hoaxer), he may have to start with winning over Gwyneth Paltrow. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Done Pretending To Like You

If you've spent any time second-guessing what exactly Gwyneth Paltrow is up to at her healthy-living passion project GOOP — and really, who hasn't? — the upstart Web proprietress has a word for you. More »

Phelps Tried To Cover Up Pot Pics

Sometimes you just want to be left alone. Michael Phelps reportedly tried to pay to make pictures of his bong hits go away; John Mayer wants a lower profile than Jennifer Aniston offers. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Smells Like Goop

[The semi-retired actress leaving Madonna's house in New York this morning; image via Splash]

'Entertainment Weekly' Oscar Recall Forces Gwyneth And Renée To Declare 'No Takebacks'

The results of Entertainment Weekly's massive "Recall the Gold" project (in which thousands of industry insiders revote certain Oscar years to publicly humiliate past winners) are finally in! So which actors have been victimized? More »

How Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Craps

It was inevitable from the moment Gwyneth Paltrow named her website "Goop" that it would come to this: advice from the movie star on bowel movements. Stop reading now. More »

Gwyneth Paltrow's Jailbait Boobs Mystify Fans

A day of new beginnings: Gwyneth Paltrow SOMEHOW restored her breasts to teenage perkiness, Paula Abdul is maybe leaving American Idol and Tommy Hilfiger uncanceled his wedding. More »

Don't Tell Gwyneth Paltrow That You Want to Fuck Her on Live TV

In the United States, an uncomfortable talk show interview usually involves an uncommunicative Twilight star or a vaguely gross suggestion of backseat nookie from Jay Leno. Across, the pond, however, restrictions are looser — or at least they were, until Russell Brand mucked things up in the ribald BBC voicemail scandal that we still don't fully understand (we think it involved Fawlty Towers, Satanists, and a giant bird's nest of hair). Now, British chat show host Jonathan Ross is being investigated for another example of bad language (shown in the above clip), in which he asks A-list actress Gwyneth Paltrow about her kids and then announces that he would like to fuck her and that she's clearly "gagging for it." Someone's been taking interview tips from The Advocate! More »

Anne Hathaway Has A New Unsavory Boyfriend

• Anne Hathaway's new actor boyfriend "went after all the young heiresses" when he was at Brown University, which makes him as terrible for her as jailed fraudster Raffaello Follieri, according to Page Six's tipster. [P6]

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"So, How Do You Feel About Third Base?"

[Gwyneth Paltrow and Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez from here, click through for the bigpic]

Gwyneth Paltrow Should Get Out of Web Publishing

It's hard times for online media, and any twit with an idea and some bandwidth is no longer guaranteed an audience. With that in mind, actress Gwyneth Paltrow might want to get out before it's too late—or before she embarrasses herself further. Her puzzling soft-launched, minimalistic website—Goop.com (gross)—is about "nourish[ing] the inner aspect" and telling us how to live. (She already thinks we want her to tell us to vote.) In fact, the website is almost completely devoid of content, but we just received a GOOP e-newsletter, with quiet wisdom straight from Gwyneth. More »

Can The Madonna/Gwyneth Friendship Survive?

Yesterday the British tabs claimed that Madonna is "begging" best friend Gwyneth Paltrow to jettison Chris Martin and the Anglophile stick up her bum for the welcoming shores of Manhattan. You see, Madonna and Gwynnie became friends in the early aughts in London, when Madonna was just adopting that faux British accent. And now, Madge is clearly on the brink of yet another reinvention: she's ditched her Brit hubby and her estate in the English Countryside and is swapping it for her old gritty New York home and, well, Alex Rodriguez. Will Madonna and Gwyneth remain close when Madge stops wearing tweed and goes back to her cone bra? We examine the evidence, after the jump. [Jezebel]

Michael Phelps' Love Life Involves Barbara Walters

• Michael Phelps is dating Barbara Walters' assistant "Marina," with whom he went to college. Wait, that's a fake name right?? Is someone playing a trick on poor old Cindy Adams? [Cindy Adams]
• What pairs well with xenophobia and shouting? Jay McInerney knows! At Benoit, "McInerney and his wife, Anne Hearst, had to calm down political commentator Robert Zimmerman, who'd just had a fierce on-air tangle with Lou Dobbs. Jay prescribed Zimmerman a bottle of 1991 Côte-Rôtie La Turque Domaine Guigal." Frog-loving traitors, all of them. [R&M, second-to-last item]
• Good Morning America defeated Today to score a live Britney Spears performance, leaving NBC suits "fuming," according to the NBC News-haters at the Post. Meanwhile, the singer is sane and cognizant enough to be terrified she's bungled one court case so badly she may go to jail. Her handlers take this as a positive sign!
• Alec Baldwin loved (second item) Sarah Palin's behavior off camera at Saturday Night Live, but Chevy Chase was less charitable about what she did on-camera: "She cannot improvise herself out of a paper bag."
• Elizabeth Taylor, 76, likes to be wheeled into a West Hollywood gay bar, where she drinks tequila shots and Apple martinis. They call them the golden years for a reason, people. [P6]
• Sean Penn is Venezuela, just hanging out, committing some light treason. [P6]
• Tom Cruise is a huge Tina Turner fan. In a very straight way, of course. [P6]
• Breaking: David Geffen still hates the Clintons. "They are vindictive, and people were afraid of being excluded." [R&M, third item]
• Sting's wife said she totally called the Madonna-Guy Ritchie divorce. She also allowed it to happen, by introducing the couple. So, uh, nice work, detective. Gwyneth Paltrow, meanwhile, is behaving like a real well-publicized celebrity friend.
• No one, and I mean no one, pisses in Shannon Doherty's bathroom unless her name is freaking Shannon Doherty. And don't ever forget it! [Daily Star]

Trick or Pleat

[Actress Gwyneth Paltrow in Milan today; image via Splash] More »

Star's Visit to Liechtenstein Soon Ends In Tragedy After She Trips Over Southern Border

[Actress Gwyneth Paltrow leaving a party for her PBS culinary tour of Spain show in New York last night; image via INF] More »

Gwyneth Paltrow To Release Super-Skinny, Macrobiotic Take On 'Sweatin' to the Oldies'

In a world where everything old is new again, the latest cultural relic to get its return to the spotlight is that staple of 80's cheese: the exercise instructional video. First resurrected by noted Americana anthropologist Heidi Montag, the fitness tape is set to receive its most high-profile update yet, says Marie Claire. Filling Jane Fonda's leotard this time will be none other than Oscar winner Gwyneth Paltrow, who will share the secrets of how to attain a body worth baring in the pages of GQ and gams that could transfix even the most jaded talk show host: More »

New 'Tarzan' To Have Biggest Vines Ever!

· Noted shlockteur Stephen Sommers will write and direct Warner Bros.'s splashy Tarzan remake, set to push the flimsy-loincloth envelope further than any version to come before. [Variety] More »

Gwyneth Paltrow Not Exactly Helping Obama Combat Those 'Elitist' Charges

Gwyneth Paltrow has worked really hard at ditching her snottier-than-thou attitude this year. Not only did she go to great lengths to sex up her image during the seemingly endless Iron Man press tour by donning a series of towering heels and flashing ample amounts of thigh, her admission that she's raising a pair of cross-dressing toddlers might even earn a nod of approval from the Lou Reed and David Johansen's of the world. But all of the inroads she's built look like they could come crashing down, thanks to her appearance in a hoity-toity political ad airing overseas now. More »

Only Gwyneth Paltrow Can Unify The Expat Liberal Bourgeoisie

Remember that guy John Kerry who ran for president? He was always trying to cast himself as such an average guy, getting embarrassed when he was photographed windsurfing and generally behaving like he wasn't a Massachusetts millionaire. This made lots of Democrats who are also smart hate John Kerry. Obama, though, is not afraid to embrace his own celebrity. Which makes the urban NPR demographic love him, because they can get their jolt of politics and celebrity all at once, leaving them more time for unproductive leisure. And Democrats haven't forgetten that lots of the upwardly mobile US liberals live in civilized Europe; so Democrats Abroad has just released this "viral video" urging them all to vote. Gwyneth Paltrow is in it! Forget to send in your absentee ballot for Obama and lose your chance to be invited to a Gwyneth Paltrow dinner party, is the unspoken message. Watch it below: More »

Meg Ryan Becomes Latest Member Of Reviled 'Fat Suit' Club

To say that Meg Ryan's career is in a free-fall would be to imply that her career hasn't already hit rock bottom. While it's true that she's poised for a potential comeback in this fall's remake of The Women, anyone with half a brain realizes that her star died the day the news broke that she was schtupping Russell Crowe on the set of Proof Of Life back in 2000. Making matters even worse for America's Former Sweetheart™, in Meg's newest (straight-to-DVD) movie called My Mom's Hot Boyfriend, she becomes the latest in a long string of actresses to strap herself into a fat suit only to magically "slim down" to win the heart of a handsome man — a trick which stopped being funny the second time that the Friends gang went to that well. While we're not about to get up on a pedestal and start going off about the offensiveness of fat suits, this news did prompt us to go back and take a look at some of the stars who have donned prosthetics to plump up on-screen in the past (rarely, if ever, to humorous effect). Play along with our latest round of Defamer Bingo after the jump. More »

Wanna Become A Member Of Hot Young Hollywood? Take Your Top Off Already!

So earlier this week we suggested tween queen of homemade kiddie porn Miley Cyrus just may have been inspired by a former teen queen of homemade, visually intoxicated porn. And, sordid as it may be, much of the Hannah Montana star's fame outside of the flyover states is quite possibly due to all those "scandalous" photos that keep popping up. Which is a good thing in the world of "All press is...", right? And here to provide some guidance in answering that question are established troublemaker and pot princess Mischa Barton and future troublemaker Hayden Panettiere. More »

Who Knew? The Top 10 Unlikely Vocal Performances From Non-Singing Actors

In light of Pierce Brosnan's brave, warbling turn in Mamma Mia—as well as recent news that Kate Hudson would veer off the Bongo Romcom highway to explore the musical theater side roads in Rob Marshall's Nine—Defamer videologist Molly McAleer has compiled a countdown of 10 Classic Musical Crossover Performances. We've ordered these from least to most successful; some of these actors-who-sing are arguably better singers than they are actors, and have gone on to cut their own records. Some are clearly better actors than singers. And some should probably just give up both and become something sensible like a dental hygienist or insurance broker. We have no doubt you have your own strong opinions on notable omissions; feel free to post video in the comments. More »