Gawker: ha ha ha

Poodle Joins List of Things That Can Shut Down Boston

Pareene — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 11:52:10 EDT

Last year, the city of Boston, which has not suffered a terrorist attack since the Revolutionary War, where the terrorists were the good guys, shut down in a panic after Time Warner's cartoon channel paid two stoners to place lite-brites around town. Bomb squads were called in to remove the cartoon character advertisements, train stations shut down, and traffic over the Charles River was halted. Boston, unembarrassed at causing a national panic over advertisements that had been in place for weeks in dozens of smarter cities without incident, promptly blew up a suspicious traffic counter installed by the DOT. And over the weekend, Boston's Logan Airport was shut down for 17 hours after a poodle escaped.

Choochy the poodle got out of her kennel as she was being unloaded after a Saturday night flight. "About 15 state police, firefighters, operations personnel and even electricians chased Choochy late into the night," delaying "at least eight flights." They finally caught Choochy, laying on the tarmac, at 1 p.m. on Sunday, when Choochy got tired.

Good work, Boston.

Image: (c) Jana Kohl and Robert Sebree, www.ararebreedoflove.com, used with permission from (c) holder.

McCain Can't Even Get Stock Photo Background Right

Pareene — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:57:29 EDT

While watching the McCain speech last night, we suddenly noticed the big video screen background (which only looked cool when it was neat rippling water behind Rudy Giuliani) suddenly shifted to what looked like a greenscreen. Oh wow what a stupid and terrible fuckup, we thought. Because everyone remembers what happened last time! It turns out the fuckup was so, so much bigger and more hilarious: it was not a greeenscreen. It was a lawn in front of a mansion-looking building. Which was a middle school, called Walter Reed. Let's actually try to itemize the fuckups here:

It looked like a greenscreen.
Then it looked like maybe one of John McCain's many, many giant houses.
No, it turns out it was a middle school called Walter Reed, but it was supposed to be a photo of Walter Reed Hospital.
Walter Reed Hospital, of course, being the scene of yet another horrible fuckup by the Republicans. Why did they want to remind anyone of Walter Reed in the first place??
Also the middle school is in Hollywood.

Beautiful work, everyone.

Green Screen Behind McCain Actually Lawn of, Uh, Middle School In, Uh, North Hollywood [Wonkette]

The Best HuffPo Blast Email Ever

Pareene — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:50:12 EDT

Lorem ipsum dolor Huffington Post sit amet, blast email consectetuer adipiscing stupid liberals elit. Pellentesque nisi. Nulla eu citizen journalism velit vel felis vehicula molestie. Aliquam et UNSUBSCRIBE diam. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet Sklar, consectetuer adipiscing click to see full-size elit.

Faggot Pride

Richard Lawson — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:45:00 EDT

"The great British faggot is full of flavour and a great belly warmer at this time of year." — From the old but still wonderful BBC article entitled "Family of Faggot Fans Fly the Flag"

This Is Maybe the Best Journalism Job Available

Pareene — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:10:32 EDT

Fresh out of journalism school? Have experience writing, editing, and proofing business to business communications? Adept at Word, PowerPoint, Excel, Outlook, Adobe InCopy, Lexis-Nexis and other publishing applications? We just found you the best job ever on Craigslist! You can be a copy writer of marketing manuals for American University in Washington D.C. You'll be "responsible for writing, editing and proofreading a wide range of print and online materials including content for our web site, emails to students, and other marketing materials." Oh, and also—you will be a security guard. No joke! "The security guard spends most of the shift seated at the reception desk, and there will be very minimal security duties. Practically the entire shift you will be able to focus on writing copy – you’ll just happen to be wearing a uniform." Sadly, you don't get a gun. [Craiglist via FishbowlDC via DCeiver]

It's Funny Because He's Blind

Pareene — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:51:40 EDT

Of all the people spotted by Page Six's army of loyal spies, readers, and publicists, they chose a photo of governor David Paterson to illustrate their "sightings." 'Cause he can't see! How delightfully witty! [NYP]

Barbara Walters Demands Explanation For Past Decade of Celebrity History

Richard Lawson — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 16:09:20 EDT

Reality show star and buttocks-haver Kim Kardashian was on The View this morning, prompting Barbara Walters, famous interviewer and the last Civil War widow, to ask the most important question of the modern age: "Why are you famous?" Then, later "But what do you do?" Kardashian sputtered out a response about knowing famous people and about her little fashions while stepfather Bruce Jenner (father of Brody, from The Hills! It's all connected!) sat idly by (and looked like plastic).

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the dim conservative who is a discredit to my alma mater, tried to rescue Kim a bit, probably because she herself became famous for no particular reason. Though, trying to help by assessing the notoriety of Kardashian's hindquarters and declaring that she and her boyfriend (footballer Reggie Bush) are known as "Bush & Tush" was pretty backhanded. Then the conversation wandered over to Bruce and why he's got so many damn kids, but eventually Barbara brought it back to the (NSFW) sex tape, delivering one final embarrassment. I'm beginning to like the old broad! [The Superficial]