Dodge. Parry. Thrust. Also, drop the épée. Take off that dumb facemask and grab one of them dull machetes over there. Count your fingers up, just to be sure. Okay, now you're ready for sport. Let ol' Alfred Avril, aka "Papa Machete," show you the ropes.

Halfway through the trailer for Ben Stiller's remake of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, the title daydreamer—stuck in the rat race with boring men in boring suits at Life magazine— lifts his eyes from his desk toward a photograph on a bulletin board. Now here's the payoff, when staid reality breaks into excitement,…

Here's an ad created by DDB New York for WaterIsLife, a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing clean drinking water to people in developing countries. The ad features a bunch of poor Haitian people reading a bunch of #FirstWorldProblems tweets out loud: "I hate when my phone charger won't reach my bed," "I…

Remember how Wyclef Jean promised to clean up his sham charity last year after it started raising $1 million a day in the wake of the earthquake in Haiti? Guess what.

Former singer Michel "Sweet Micky" Martelly was sworn in as Haiti's new president today in a ceremony where, unsurprisingly, the electricity cut out. Sweet Micky has a long road ahead of him.

As expected, former carnival singer Michel Martelly defeated former first lady Mirlande Manigat in Haiti's presidential elections, and will likely become president despite a challenge by Manigat. Martelly, who's never held office, took 67 percent of the vote [Miami Herald]

Gawker's favorite New Jersey humanitarian, Wyclef Jean, was shot in the hand at a political rally for Haitian presidential candidate, musician Michel Martelly last night. But he's okay! According to Wyclef's spokesperson, "He was shot in the hand last night. He was released from the hospital. He's fine now. It…

With a backlash brewing against the incessant media coverage of Charlie Sheen's breakdown, Sheen has made an uncannily savvy move: He's announced he's going to Haiti on a humanitarian mission with his buddy Sean Penn, who has practically been living there since the earthquake struck more than a year ago:

Former Libertarian congressman Bob Barr, who helped "manage" the impeachment of Bill Clinton, has found his life's calling: He's assisting murderous ex-Haitian dictator Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier in his bizarre return to the island, which Barr calls "a personal trip."

First, former dictator "Baby Doc" returned to Haiti, but was quickly detained. Now, ex-President Jean-Bertrand Aristide says he just wants to return as a "simple citizen in the field of education," and because his eye doctor told him to. [NYT]

Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" Duvalier, the former Haitian dictator forced into exile in 1986, has returned to Haiti for the first time in 25 years. Why? No one knows. But it's probably totally innocent and non-sinister!

The Way We Live Now: reflecting on the long-term implications of our situation. And they ain't good. They just ain't. There's no getting around it. The currency's not bouncing back. The wages are down for good. And Haiti's fucked forever.

Jet-setter Sarah Palin just can't stop scheduling overseas trips. She'll go to England and Israel in the new year, but first, she's heading to Haiti with Franklin Graham's Christian charity group, amidst scary post-election violence.

Wyclef Jean's new EP is out today, and the Guardian caught up with him. He sometimes speaks in the third person, and knows he's the man: "Fans on Twitter call me the modern-day Fela or Marley or Dylan, you know."